Monday, May 22, 2017

Inviting Desire with Walker Thornton - Giveaway!

I am so pleased to be hosting sexpert Walker Thornton on my blog this month, and to be giving away a copy of one of my favorite books, Inviting Desire. While aimed at older women, it's really applicable to women of any age who've lost their spark, perhaps after childbirth, perhaps after getting into a rut with a longtime partner, perhaps after a toxic relationship. *raises hand*

And she was kind enough to agree to a mini-interview, because Walker is awesome that way.

1) For some women, our desire has not simply died, it's a memory that's long buried, with the grass grown over it and a nice headstone. Why shouldn't it simply remain there, and we can bring it fresh flowers from time to time? Especially for women who are not currently partnered, what good does it do, to reawaken our desire? 

I think feeling desire is great fun…Don’t you? And, from a sexual health perspective, sexual desire—leading to some form of sexual activity is important in keeping vaginas and pelvic floor muscles toned and healthy. Vaginal stimulation leads to arousal, which brings blood flow to vaginal tissue, which in turn helps cells stay healthy, which can prevent, or lessen, thinning and tearing of vaginal tissue. But, really—why would we want to give up the pleasure that comes from sexual stimulation? Sexual activity stimulates oxytocin, the ‘feel good’ hormone and it’s associated with pain reduction as well.  So I think it’s a good thing. Besides, who says we need a partner to get sexual?


2) Chapter 13 is titled, "What Is An Orgasm?" Doesn't everyone already know this? [Side Note: 13 has always been my lucky number.]

Yes, I think everyone knows what an orgasm is…Not all women have orgasms and therefore don’t really understand more than the basics. So I went a bit farther, talking about pleasure and the pressure women are under to become orgasmic. I want women to suspend judgment and focus on pleasure.


3) Chapter 25 is titled, "It's Not About the Orgasm." Wait, what? Do we want orgasms, or not want orgasms?

 I think too often women feel as if the orgasm is the ONLY product of sex—so they fake it or feel bad when it doesn’t happen. There is so much pleasure in connecting sexually with a partner that can get overlooked if we’re obsessing about our orgasms. I want to offer an alternative to the constant barrage of advice on orgasms—how many, which kind, did you squirt, etc…. Pleasure is much more than just having an orgasm. The goal of this chapter is to encourage women to explore pleasure for its own sake.


4) In the months since this book has been released, what response or question has surprised you the most?

Well, aside from my mother questioning my sexual activity; she assumes I’m not having sex so therefore I’m not qualified to talk about it!

More than a few women have indicated that their husbands would be excited about the book—I didn’t write the book as a guide for how to have better sex and I didn’t write it for partners. We already have enough pressure to be the good partner. I want women to learn to embrace their own sexuality for themselves. I do think that everyone around us benefits when we tap into our own sexuality and learn to ask for what we want.

Walker Thornton is an educator, public speaker and the author of  Inviting Desire, A Guide for Women Who Want to Enhance Their Sex Life.  She is a strong advocate for women’s sexuality, encouraging women to ‘step into their desire.’ Walker is the Sexual Health columnist for Midlife Boulevard and writes about sex and the older adult for Kinkly.com and other sites.

Connect with Walker:
Website:  www.walkerthornton.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/WalkerJThornton/ )
Twitter: http://twitter.com/WalkerThornton
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/+WalkerThornton/posts


Leave a comment, and you'll be entered in a random drawing to win a copy of Inviting Desire!

Monday, April 24, 2017

Curvy Girl Sex Giveaway!

Photo of April Flores by Nick Holmes
Lots more sexy and juicy photos in the book

So because I am a generous soul, I am GIVING AWAY an autographed copy of my new favorite sex book by sexologist Elle Chase.

This book is AMAZING, and despite the title, you don't have to be a "girl" or curvy to use this book. It works for men, women, and genderfluid people, of ALL shapes and sizes.

It also includes tips for accommodating bad backs, shoulders, gimpy knees... The drawings are wonderful, and the names of the sexytimes positions had me laughing out loud.

Also, I got out a pencil to check off the ones I've tried. Quite a few in the rear view, but with 101 positions, (yes, you sexy beast, that's one-hundred-and-one!) I found many I hadn't. #sexgoals




Curvy Girl Sex delves into anatomy, toys, and many aspects of getting into a sexy mindset. Sometimes we give up on sex, or love, because we think that our [insert bodily imperfection here] means we don't DESERVE sex, or love. No. Lies, damned lies!


We all deserve those things (if we want them). We don't have to give up sex because some parts are extra-large or don't work the way they used to, we just need to know how to accommodate them, and this book shows us how.

^^^ All the this. Being sexy is about being in the moment. Savoring the moment. Instead of worrying that your body doesn't match your porn star fantasy (trust me, I've seen 'em, even THEY don't match that porn fantasy without makeup and lighting and very careful editing), enjoy being with your partners - including yourself.


I know you want this delicious and helpful book. So leave me a comment, and I will pick one commenter at random to receive a copy. (I know, I know, I could use one of those raffle thingies that make you Follow my Twitterfeed and newsletter, but those always annoy the crap outta me, so I'm not doing it to you.)

If you want to sign up for my mailing list, just because I'm nice and you're nice, that would be cool. Link is toward the top right of this page. Because very soon, my Kicking Cancer's Ass memoir is launching, and I know you want to score a copy of that, right?

Note: Will be picking a winner after Friday, April 28, so you still have time. 


Happy sexytimes!


Monday, April 3, 2017

Why Talk About Rape... Again?

Doesn't talking about rape normalize it? Yes, I've heard people ask that.

Well, we've tried not talking about rape and sexual assault for quite some time. And yet, rape and sexual assault didn't magically go away.


I believe that talking about our experiences with rape and sexual assault can be empowering, help lift the stigma, and help us see that we're not alone. Almost every woman I know, and many men, have experienced sexual assault of some kind. Yet somehow, the shame is projected onto the person who was attacked, while the attackers often stroll away, free.

I think that's something we need to change.

So to that end, I was interviewed on the #TakeBackYourSEX podcast, linked here, with two sexy women who've also experienced rape. Megan and Tanya and I had a wonderful conversation about this - with NO shame!!

And have you seen this queen reclaiming her power? Doing a photo shoot at the frat house where she was raped, that takes ovaries.



You can listen to our discussion here.


We're talking about doing a follow-up podcast, so if you have questions or issues we didn't cover, please leave a comment, below.  Thanks!!