Monday, December 15, 2014

All The Peens, All The Time (Adventures in Datingland)

Sex isn't going anywhere.

But after a long period of NOT dating, NOT being sexually active, I came to see I was thinking, and sometimes behaving, from a famine mentality.

Part of it was that after being dormant so long, my sexual desire seemed to explode from a feeble ember to a raging forest fire. I'm learning how to "bank it," so that my desire isn't nearly extinguished, nor am I consumed by lust 24/7.

I also realized, and had to laugh at myself, that part of me was afraid that if I didn't grab and appreciate every penis that's waved in front of me (figuratively or literally), they would all go away.

Which is ridiculous, I know.

I live in a city of 3 million people, half of whom are male. Odds are pretty good that if I just want sex, I can prolly find a peen to ride.  But it is also likely that I can find what I really want, which is long-term partners, plural, with whom I can be physically and emotionally intimate, safe, and stimulated intellectually as well as sexually.

I don't have to frantically snatch up the next peen that raises its head. I can be selective (working on it), as well as practicing safe(r) sex.

If he won't wrap it, he don't tap it.

The whole thing is a wonderful learning and growing experience - not to mention, excellent research for my novels!

Some Lessons I've Learned:

  • Yes, it all still works. Yay!
  • No, men really DON'T care if you've shaved your legs or gotten a fresh pedicure.
  • Because somebody matches me 90%+ on OKCupid, does not mean he is a nice person.
  • Because somebody shares similar interests or is in the same groups as me, does not mean he is a nice person.
  • I don't need to knock myself out to meet the needs of men who are not nice. Or even men who ARE nice, but are focused on a kink or desire I don't share. "No, thank you" is a complete sentence. In fact, "No" is a complete sentence.
  • A man who talks sincerely, knowledgeably, and passionately about feminism and rape culture is a HUGE turn-on.  HUGE. 
  • It is okay to steer clear of people for no reason at all besides not liking their vibe.
  • I REALLY need to buy sexy new underwear, but most men don't care about my ginormous granny panties, as long as I am willing to take 'em off.
  • I want more physical, non-sexual contact with women: more hugs, cuddles, caresses. And now I have a way to get them, yay!
  • It's important to keep taking inventory of myself: Do I like this? Am I comfortable? Do I want something different? and to ASK for what I want, not assume someone else will magically figure it out.

    But damn, it sure is sweet when he does.

Also, Metamour. Literally, meta = with; about + amor = love. The partner of one's partner, with whom one does not share a direct sexual or loving relationship.

I now have an awesome metamour, just sayin'. And although I have been on this journey primarily to meet romantic sexual partners, I have been meeting a number of wonderful new female friends, both in person, and on FaceBook. Total win.

And in Other Pussy News

Kittens are getting along great.

Creativity, on the left, Motivation on the right.

Mojo is still a little rough with Tivvy - and I think sometimes she dramatizes her cries, but she has grown tremendously in the weeks since I've had her. They keep me entertained and cheerful, during the times I am not kicking them out of the bedroom.

Have you ever dated after a long dry spell?
Did you have trouble reining in your desire, or having a famine mentality?
If so, got any tips?
Your thoughts?