Sunday, April 19, 2015

Love Is Never Safe

Is it ever safe to love someone?

I would argue, no.  It is never safe.

And so what?

When it comes to RHPS, or love, I will always be among those screaming, "Risk it! Risk it!"

Most of us have the exact same first love. 

Our moms.  While there are mothers who aren't loving, nurturing or present, most of us felt loved, protected, and accepted just as we were by our moms.  Some are blessed enough to still enjoy that relationship with a living mother.

Some aren't. My mother was amazing. But she also was diagnosed with breast cancer with I was 5-6. It was during the Dark Ages, as far as breast cancer treatment was concerned, and she died on the eve of my tenth birthday. My dad was clueless, self-centered, and kicked me out of the house when I was 14.

Abandonment Issues, Much?

Losing people we love hurts. Losing the love of our families, our tribe, our lovers, can threaten our very survival. And yet, we need love, just as much as we need air, food and water.

We can't avoid all risk by closing up tight.  Because that, too, is a risk.

My favorite quote by Anais Nin. As some of you know, this hangs in my bedroom.
Is it possible that people will stop loving us, or simply get bored, like my father did? Yep. How many lovers have abandoned me, because...? I haven't kept track, but it's been more than one or two.

Even if we love people who are 100% trustworthy, there is no guarantee they are going to be around, because people die.  My amazing mother died. My brilliant, incredible friend Sid Patrick died. Other beloved friends and loved ones have died, or, somehow fallen out of touch. And a year ago, my brother-in-love, Jim.

Their losses will never stop reverberating in my life. And yet...

My BIL Jim turned me on to the Moody Blues, and so much else.

Even though I miss them horribly, I would miss, more, not having had those wonderful people in my life.

Take My Exes... Please!

And then there's the men who broke my heart. Some carelessly, some because they were douchecanoes. Some because we were perfect for each other, only not at this time in our lives.

There were times in my life where I felt so wounded by romantic love and betrayal I felt like my heart was literally breaking.  When I curled up on the floor in a fetal position and sobbed helplessly

The good thing about repeated heartbreak, is you learn you can survive it. Even though you would never raise your hand and say, "Yes, me! I want to have my heart broken countless times."  And in all honesty... sometimes I have been the one to break a lover's heart, or to end a friendship for what seemed to me to be excellent reasons.

Somebody smart said that, in order to have a happily ever ever, you have to end the story at the right spot. And he (or she) was right - it is a minuscule number of people who get to spend their entire lives together, who fall into comas and die within hours of each other. The rest of us get to watch somebody we love die, sometimes in nightmarish ways, or to be suddenly snatched from us. Or, we are the ones leaving them behind.

I Still Believe In Love

I couldn't write romance, if I didn't believe in love. Call me a sentimental fool, but I believe in love. I believe in holding hands, and sweet tender kisses, I believe in whispered girlfriend confidences and shared laughter over the ridiculous. I believe in the warm soft fur of a beloved pet against my leg, under my hand.  I believe in blowing bubbles against a baby's yummy neck, even though that giggling baby is destined to morph into a scowling, independent teenager.

I believe in special romantic moments between people who enjoy each others' company, in bed or out. I have tried, at various points in my life, to fence in my feelings for lovers: "This relationship has long-term potential, this relationship is close to but is not quite love, this relationship is strictly FWB..." and I have found, like dandelion fluff, my feelings have no intentions of staying neatly fenced off.  They go where they want to go, when they want to go.

English: Dandelion
English: Dandelion (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Love is not safe. Love is not permanent, love is not static. Love itself may last forever, but relationships will morph and change, and sometimes, die. Love guarantees to hurt us, eventually.

I still choose love.  I believe that fear of losing love, in some nebulous someday, is not a good reason to deny it or pass it by, today. Just gonna have to make a wish and blow. (And if I do, maybe all my wishes will come true!)

My Tarot reading today:

Among other things, the reading for this card says, "If you are acting out of love, you are on the right path," and "Celebrate the love you have in all its forms: passion, friendship, caring, spiritual devotion, and self-love."

I am so grateful for all the love I have, all the friends and family and coworkers and kitten love that I have received today, that I receive, every single day. I want to walk the path of love, even though sometimes I may trip and faceplant.

Your thoughts?

Monday, April 13, 2015

Try Whatever Works #gettingUNblocked

Ever had one of those months - or, a period longer than months - where you are totally and completely blocked in your writing?

Where it feels like it maxes out your creativity just to make a freakin' grocery list?

(If your answer is no, I hate you. In a friendly way, of course.)

*I* have been blocked, and I have tried... everything.

Butt in chair. Going for a walk. Reading. Taking a bath.

Hanging out with my awesome sister.

Playing with my pussies.

What did you think I meant?

Mom to Mojo: "Let's go for a walk!" Mojo to Mom: "I won't and you can't make me."

Part of my problem has been work... It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year (NOT!!!) if you are in the accounting field. And part of it is I have been blue as my family approaches the deathversary of my brother-in-love. And part of it is, my dating life really heated up.  *looks at ceiling and blushes*

Doesn't Matter Why. What Matters Is, Getting Moving Again

I've always been more of a pantser, but I have been hearing many good things about plotting and outlining. So, since I couldn't be more blocked anyway, decided to look at outlining. Again.

This book actually helped me get moving.

So I wrote an outline for the story I was determined to finish and turn in for an upcoming anthology (if all goes well, it'll be out this summer),  And then, still struggling, I worked on the first draft of the story in reverse order, last chapter first.

In longhand.

And it worked. I finished the story in time to have it to beta readers, to make my corrections and in time to submit.

Hopefully, it'll be out this summer. That part, I have no control over. But the thing is, I finished the story!!!

And so my advice to all you writers out there, keep plugging away. Be like a Roomba - if you bang into a wall here, reverse course and try a different direction. Try reading out loud, writing longhand.  Walking or running away from the computer.

I'm working, now, on getting into better synch with the cycles of the moon, To work on writing when the moon is waxing; editing, deleting, and researching when it is waning.  (Too woo-woo for you, that's fine, but I was ready to sacrifice a chicken if it would get me words in a row.)

To ditch the blog, as necessary, to work on my "real" writing. Even allowing my beloved Sluts of the Month (who will be back, in not too terribly long) to go on hiatus.

And oh, I have had the loveliest, most exciting idea for an entire series of novels that I am itching to write.

You thoughts?