tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9943140918369103432024-03-14T05:45:57.772-07:00*Beverly Diehl's Writing in Flow*About the surprising pleasures, teeth-grinding frustrations, and amazing joy of being a writer.The Writing Goddesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14577032840574632179noreply@blogger.comBlogger312125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-32454868676804607192014-11-10T07:00:00.001-08:002014-11-12T13:05:59.898-08:00Sex-Positive - It's Not What You ThinkOr, maybe it IS what you think. Because I am not inside your head, so it's rather presumptuous of me to guess what you think.<br />
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My bad.<br />
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Here's what <i>I </i>thought: That being "Sex Positive" was thinking sex is great *raises hand,* promoting a wild & crazy sex life, <i>and </i>wanting to spread that belief to to the world.<br />
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Well, it kind of is, and kind of isn't. It's more about knowing who you are, claiming responsibility for your own body, being unashamed of it, and figuring out what you like, or dislike, based not on what <i>others </i>tell you is "good sex," but on what <i>you </i>decide for yourself. Those choices could include celibacy or asexuality, polyamory or swinging or monogamy, being gay or straight or "hetero-flexible," kinky or vanilla... <i>you </i>get to figure out who <i>you </i>are, and who you are not.<br />
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It's about being part of, and building, a safe community for all kinds of people to express their sexuality in a way that feels right FOR THEM. With vulnerability, but without shame.<br />
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[Note: I've joined a local, Sex-Positive group, read the materials and attended <i>one </i>orientation, which is not the deepest and most thorough knowledge one can have. So while I am striving to convey what I learned as accurately as possibly, it is entirely possible I have gotten something confused or am misstating it here. All such mistakes are my own, not the fault of SPLA.]<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4eCjbeiFWutUf08Nz9xP4VlwG91OeDbAtXDxsFk0-VRHbGJa2kuj_YQ3oywXbtAqO_CKc0ohP2jEy6BqBYitY1ZZLF-Nd-u_D_1Iejf25IMp4ciusgyqheoPtI8_T7KVEo2j7gmQZIuNl/s1600/IMG_0615.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4eCjbeiFWutUf08Nz9xP4VlwG91OeDbAtXDxsFk0-VRHbGJa2kuj_YQ3oywXbtAqO_CKc0ohP2jEy6BqBYitY1ZZLF-Nd-u_D_1Iejf25IMp4ciusgyqheoPtI8_T7KVEo2j7gmQZIuNl/s1600/IMG_0615.JPG" height="480" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Sexy organizer Gabriella Cordova, who is "out" as Sex-Positive.</span></span></td></tr>
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Here's what I learned at my Sex-Positive LA Meeting. (While you can be a Sex-Positive person without belonging to any formal organization, having that support can make this attitude a lot easier.)<br />
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<h3>
Care, Consent, and Confidentiality</h3>
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Let's take the last first: <b>Confidentiality</b>. Because there is such a stigma in current culture about sexuality (something this movement aims to change), many members of this group use assumed names so that it does not affect them professionally, or with members of their family, Therefore, no names or identifying photographs will be used here without permission.<br />
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<b>Care</b>. Being sex positive means <b><i>caring </i></b>for yourself, your family, and the others in the community. It means being responsible about being regularly tested for STIs, if you are in a non-monogamous relationship, AND using condoms; it means emotionally and physically caring for one another.<br />
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This is not a group to join if what you want is to cheat on an unsuspecting spouse or partner. Coercion, trickery, and lying are NOT caring, nor respectful. Not to your spouse, not to your partner, and not, actually, to yourself.<br />
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<h3>
Consent</h3>
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While morons and rapists may argue that "sometimes no means yes," no NEVER means yes with active consent.<br />
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Too drunk or whacked out with a head cold to say no, does not mean yes.<br />
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Cajoling or badgering until the other person gives in and says, "Okay, I guess," <i>does not mean yes.</i><br />
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<span style="color: red; font-size: large;">Only Yes, or, in some cases, <i>Hell, yes!</i> means yes.</span></div>
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Gabriella and the others emphasized that permission must be obtained for everything, not simply for what we typically think of as sex, but even things like a touch on the shoulder. <i>Every single time.</i> And that bodily autonomy must be always respected.<br />
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But what about seduction, about romance? Doesn't this kind of thing spoil it?<br />
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You don't read much romance, do you?<br />
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Few things are sexier than the almost kiss. The two leaning toward each other, and then, just as their lips are about to touch, he whispers, "May I kiss you?"<br />
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She whispers back, "Yes, oh yes!" and their lips meet, ever so softly, tongues flickering to tease each other's top lip, bottom lip, dancing together, bodies pressed so tight against one another, for long, slow, sweet moments, until her nipples grow hard and her knees grow weak.<br />
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She pulls her mouth away from his, locking his eyes with her own. "I want to take off your shirt, and rub my nipples against your chest. And then I'd like you to lick them, and suck on them. Is that okay with you?"<br />
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I could go on, but I think you get the point (as our heroine will, shortly). <b>Consent is sexy.</b><br />
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<h3>
But What If You Get a No?</h3>
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If someone tells you no, the kindest reply is, "Thank you for taking care of yourself."<br />
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Think about it. Much of the time, problems in relationships come up because Person A thought Person B wanted or liked X, but he didn't, and bad feelings were created.<br />
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When someone says no, it is because s/he has checked inside, decided s/he was not comfortable with what you were requesting. This means that YOU don't have to guess, you don't have to take care of her/his feelings; s/he is taking care of her/himself. And when you get a no, that means when you <i>do </i>get a yes, it is a genuine, enthusiastic yes.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNs9XV-taZ5X2qWZTtbs6IxLbq6bO62LZl1clAh_M7VNdZHvBQE5ED56kLDGl324F0vjhzBqCqpiyjD1GnCdy-oUJnLUUUfSNcyjfoiBNczl7JHU1cfLR0UthifMt7ndMjgTABi_khUNWe/s1600/Sex+Positive+-+Kerri.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNs9XV-taZ5X2qWZTtbs6IxLbq6bO62LZl1clAh_M7VNdZHvBQE5ED56kLDGl324F0vjhzBqCqpiyjD1GnCdy-oUJnLUUUfSNcyjfoiBNczl7JHU1cfLR0UthifMt7ndMjgTABi_khUNWe/s1600/Sex+Positive+-+Kerri.jpg" height="494" width="640" /></a></div>
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<h3>
This Group Is Not For the Intolerant</h3>
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For myself, I am uninterested in a "Red Room of Pain," a la 50 Shades. This does not mean putting down people who are, nor going all judgey on people who don't like the things that <i>I</i> like. Kinky is okay, vanilla (or, French vanilla), is perfectly okay.<br />
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In fact, I understand there are people in the group simply to be touched, held, and snuggled. Who will never be pressed to "take it to the next level," but are welcome to attend events built around the things that make them feel comfortable. Welcome are all LGBT people, the disabled, those with fetishes... Whatever your "thing" is, if you can't help make this a warm and welcoming place for <i>everyone</i>, it's not a good fit for you.<br />
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<h3>
Orientation Not Optional</h3>
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In order to join this group, you must attend an orientation. At the one I attended, besides Gabriella and the other organizers talking to us, showing us a short film clip, and a break for potluck refreshments, we shared a little bit of information on how we would label ourselves. Later, we practiced some lessons on boundaries, on saying no, on negotiating, on complimenting one another. And enjoyed a five-way hug.<br />
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I even got another compliment, later - one of the women who hugged me was very petite, had laid her head on my breast and enjoyed it very much. I probably should have replied what I was thinking, which was "I get that a lot" (especially lately from the littlest kitten), but I simply smiled at her, happy that I had made her happy.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcHM0fMLVgtyJ_axi158xJ8DuayXQ97QQndgE5YuPEuqEjtvVQR9gn1J-9cqnDRop2gdGNJOH-ee-kY2X1t4MqG9T1gRL8pzYEJzglR8v3Cw6vVD2YavS2hPgtMgIrRV0APtgwBp9glKSV/s1600/Sex-Positive-Adam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcHM0fMLVgtyJ_axi158xJ8DuayXQ97QQndgE5YuPEuqEjtvVQR9gn1J-9cqnDRop2gdGNJOH-ee-kY2X1t4MqG9T1gRL8pzYEJzglR8v3Cw6vVD2YavS2hPgtMgIrRV0APtgwBp9glKSV/s1600/Sex-Positive-Adam.jpg" height="494" width="640" /></a><br />
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I was also pleased to hear some people referencing Robert A. Heinlein, who often wrote stories including non-traditional love relationships. He's one of my all-time favorite authors, and while <i>Time Enough for Love</i> is my favorite (perhaps because it was my first, and I'm sloppily sentimental that way), I also love <i>I Will Fear No Evil</i>, <i>The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress</i>, and <i>To Sail Beyond the Sunset.</i> I found <i>Friday </i>kind of sad, though the group marriage concept was interesting.<br />
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Will I be back?<br />
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Probably as long as they'll have me. And I will continue to share what I can, without breaking the agreement for confidentiality.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG1FSGMNMydgpC8-SIA0VtzSbxFFjP9CJvagZGhoUooomRsL7BCp06hr4xX-KT3MMoWel_uDo3Mj6GBgR_xhb10c7wSda6d9r2ORQC6MPvneKinq1EfQc0zaLwjyA8sxcVIKUtTNTB5y8K/s1600/Sex+Positive.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG1FSGMNMydgpC8-SIA0VtzSbxFFjP9CJvagZGhoUooomRsL7BCp06hr4xX-KT3MMoWel_uDo3Mj6GBgR_xhb10c7wSda6d9r2ORQC6MPvneKinq1EfQc0zaLwjyA8sxcVIKUtTNTB5y8K/s1600/Sex+Positive.jpg" height="208" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.sexpositiveworld.org/" style="font-size: medium; text-align: start;">http://www.sexpositiveworld.org/</a></td></tr>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br />Have you ever attended a Sex-Positive event?</i></div>
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<i>What did you think?</i></div>
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<i>Your thoughts?</i></div>
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So, for those of you wondering about the dating thing... more on that, later. Suffice it to say I am finding men of interest, and vice versa. Now for a kitten update:<br />
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Picked up this little darling up from the vet on Monday night, following her spaying surgery.<br />
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I <i>think </i>I have settled on the name; Creativity, or Tivvy for short. She has been someone shy at first, then a real sweetie once she gets warmed up, so Creativity seems to fit her.<br />
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But I'm not 100% sure. <br />
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The only thing I am sure if is that she is very sweet, very affectionate, very teething, and has very, VERY sharp little teeth.<br />
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<h3>
So, what about the boy?</h3>
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In the six weeks or so I've had him, Mojo has morphed into a sleek young teenager kitten (five months old).<br />
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His marking are gorgeous, if I do say myself (not that I had anything more to do with them than having the wit to pick him out.<br />
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Unfortunately, Mojo is twice Tivvy's size, and he wants to play with her, ALWAYS... and a little rough. After keeping them separate for most of the week, we began supervised playtime this weekend.<br />
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As you can see, while she is hiding in the bag, Tivvy is also initiating play. It has been hard for me to let her sort it out for herself, I want to protect her, but Mojo is learning to back off when she squeaks in protest.<br />
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This is from later in the weekend.<br />
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There is nothing as cute as sleepy babies - kittens, puppies, people...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF4W67uIyl2i9VgmPM_A8bd6KgFMb53kl4_adoB74Hvj2JjVX1As9Z33hQMFmYVgJ_kIs6MTMJL2anp9gqenbYVMpHnsS52KSjKFd0s_nVR1ZmS-5Rgnf2OWV_GKTXnHMM-IJNjuql2VAO/s1600/kitten+sleepy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF4W67uIyl2i9VgmPM_A8bd6KgFMb53kl4_adoB74Hvj2JjVX1As9Z33hQMFmYVgJ_kIs6MTMJL2anp9gqenbYVMpHnsS52KSjKFd0s_nVR1ZmS-5Rgnf2OWV_GKTXnHMM-IJNjuql2VAO/s1600/kitten+sleepy.jpg" height="360" width="640" /></a></div>
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And now they are learning to sleep together. Mojo's latest roughness is pinning her down and washing her face.<br />
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This time, I think it's gonna work out.</div>
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Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-30120165727615673652014-10-24T07:05:00.000-07:002014-10-24T07:05:00.911-07:00Kittens & Puppies & Mens, Oh My! (Adventures in Datingland)I'm doing it. The dating thing.<br />
<br />
And I am ALSO now raising two playful kittens.<br />
<br />
Let me 'splain.<br />
<br />
For years I was trying to find something, <i>anything</i>, to bring down the weight of my extremely obese cat, Metaphor, aka, Stinky. Diet pet food after diet pet food, New toys, which she would condescend to play with for three minute, then never again.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicHV88of0LznSMxNPDMfjQaG5Gum4plLnfku96A7TorUtrZZTmfB4BZK-83AvJuaCf4a_PAN30QPSm02zNINVu7JVkeSXXLAc9_6IhuZqvqqYO5PUCWIMEjlQxFbbMKM1kdnWE5vUOEWmT/s1600/IMG_0586.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicHV88of0LznSMxNPDMfjQaG5Gum4plLnfku96A7TorUtrZZTmfB4BZK-83AvJuaCf4a_PAN30QPSm02zNINVu7JVkeSXXLAc9_6IhuZqvqqYO5PUCWIMEjlQxFbbMKM1kdnWE5vUOEWmT/s1600/IMG_0586.JPG" height="480" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Did she LIKE the collar? No. Did she tolerate it, like so much else? Yep.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
Finally it dawned on me, perhaps a playmate would encourage Stinky to move around. So I consulted experts and very carefully selected Motivation, aka, Mojo, and after the 2 week seclusion period, some extra time for him in the Cone of Shame (why can't males leave their danglies alone?!?), and some slow, supervised exposure, Stinky and Mojo seemed to be on the path to kitty friendship, if not yet at the playground.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7tNcqRulzNEAlwUxMRjyU_FcAC0J3X_Z0g9hjaBNq6BkCxiT37xHl943zwfZsWEP9C1HZOvpy_BJ7TdO8GaiVu5Ci77OhyphenhyphendvOjRjcXIcaZVgmVA36BHLbDZF2BevwibWrei-9D8YCPHAE/s1600/Stinky+and+Mojo.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7tNcqRulzNEAlwUxMRjyU_FcAC0J3X_Z0g9hjaBNq6BkCxiT37xHl943zwfZsWEP9C1HZOvpy_BJ7TdO8GaiVu5Ci77OhyphenhyphendvOjRjcXIcaZVgmVA36BHLbDZF2BevwibWrei-9D8YCPHAE/s1600/Stinky+and+Mojo.jpeg" height="480" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Seems to me like she's saying, "Hey, maybe he isn't so bad, after all."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
Next, Stinky got sick very suddenly, and I had to have her put down. Cue many tears, and then I was faced with a dilemma. Now I had a solo, five-month-old kitten who would be bored silly while I am at my day job all day. How can I be the best pet mommy to HIM?<br />
<br />
Answer = Kitten #2. After crowdsourcing name ideas, I'm leaning toward Creativity, because she seems playful, but a little shy. Tivvy for short.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKmdvijMtxRdGkVuzf8JpsBF6ITQAQ8439nvIl_H2vac16Ts2a1HGcrTT-8nD21cuwZa6DUSAH2_3Ai0Kg0DArcDq-l-jeambDrvgekq5Jk4a3ncMcZPYrDCEJkofmYFlBoXaWDNCM9BGg/s1600/newkitty3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKmdvijMtxRdGkVuzf8JpsBF6ITQAQ8439nvIl_H2vac16Ts2a1HGcrTT-8nD21cuwZa6DUSAH2_3Ai0Kg0DArcDq-l-jeambDrvgekq5Jk4a3ncMcZPYrDCEJkofmYFlBoXaWDNCM9BGg/s1600/newkitty3.jpg" height="360" width="640" /></a></div>
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<br />
<br />
<h3>
About Those Puppies...</h3>
<br />
So while all of this cat drama is going on, I've signed up for the wonderful world of online dating.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPCMI3fJOCBBKaqMoyKOtqN2-WRuC6qkW82g5tgHquMYVeyBDURg6762sYJTiFfsIwryiFiApCivCHNPMJ8wUjTXfqRQ2EE5InXhacNoSnZyri4wGsECeeSnFBh9SVnTefFAzNI74KE-w7/s1600/Beverly+Clr+HS+9-crop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPCMI3fJOCBBKaqMoyKOtqN2-WRuC6qkW82g5tgHquMYVeyBDURg6762sYJTiFfsIwryiFiApCivCHNPMJ8wUjTXfqRQ2EE5InXhacNoSnZyri4wGsECeeSnFBh9SVnTefFAzNI74KE-w7/s1600/Beverly+Clr+HS+9-crop.jpg" height="320" width="293" /></a></div>
<br />
While yes, the pictures I used for my profiles are more flattering than not, they're not glamour shots, photos I've seen of authors and others, which don't look anything like them, or are 30 years old. Just better lit, mostly. Here's a selfie I took last night, with the new kitten.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiooYz9ATxC4e4s23dVLdeHO0r0BzUjhmjLKDssbw7ke0BdMIZUnbOqc15kPMNyZhMRETLZimy2rwAYQKFoAl83Qi4TBV2HaSAbFh91ozKYa_YHKHgff3ZUOv6vhERiqMb-HtlGyKiJwxOJ/s1600/selfie+with+kitten.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiooYz9ATxC4e4s23dVLdeHO0r0BzUjhmjLKDssbw7ke0BdMIZUnbOqc15kPMNyZhMRETLZimy2rwAYQKFoAl83Qi4TBV2HaSAbFh91ozKYa_YHKHgff3ZUOv6vhERiqMb-HtlGyKiJwxOJ/s1600/selfie+with+kitten.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
In my profile, I'm honest about my struggles with weight, in the first paragraph.<br />
<br />
I put my real age right out there: [gulp] 53 years old.<br />
<br />
I state, among other things, that I am looking for SINGLE guys, in my area, aged between 40 and 60.<br />
<br />
So I'm getting messages from some men who actually <i>fit </i>that description. Yay! Also from guys who aren't local, or guys who are much, much older than 60.<br />
<br />
I'm getting messages from skeevy married men who just want to have a sleazy affair or one night stand, on the down low.<br />
<br />
And I'm getting very flattering messages from, I'm calling them <i>puppies</i>. Here's a sampling (names changed to protect the guilty).<br />
<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Hey, how's it going? My name is Adam. I would probably be way too nervous to come up to you in person, but I just wanted to say that I think you're absolutely beautiful! <i>Adam, age 25.</i></li>
<li>Would you be interested in a boy toy for the night?<i> Ben, age 23</i></li>
<li>I guess you can say trying to be flirty, lol. I'm open to women outside range, and am talking to several 50+ women, what can I say, y'all are a bit of fun! To be honest though, I'd be more interested in hooking up than a relationship with someone north of 40. <i>Casey, age 30</i></li>
<li>And I get that I am young, but age is all in the head. Mentally I connect with women in their 40s and 50s. It's who I'm attracted to. So if you can get over the age thing... lets chat. <br />I am awfully good in bed so that's a huge plus right? :) <i>Desi, age 34</i></li>
<li>I'm not all that intimidating, honestly. I'm pretty friendly. I'm a XXX by trade. And I've dated older women before, so you wouldn't be an "experiment," as it were. <i>Eduardo, age 25.</i></li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
Seriously, I know my face doesn't scare horses or small children, and on occasion, I <i>do </i>feel very pretty (cue Natalie Wood's vocal stand-in). But is it so hard for a young guy to get laid that they're hitting on an overweight woman old enough to be their mother (or, in some cases, their <i>grand</i>mother)?<br />
<br />
I haven't entirely ruled out playing with a puppy, but mostly, I feel too squeamish about it.<br />
<br />
<b>Especially the one who is the same height, age, and NAME as my son.</b><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<h3>
Poly Want A Partner?</h3>
<br />
On the other hand... not an insubstantial number of connections I've made have been men who state they are in open or polyamorous relationships. Messages about being home alone, while the wife is out with her boyfriend.<br />
<br />
*blinks*<br />
<br />
<a class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyamory" rel="wikipedia" target="_blank" title="Polyamory">Polyamory</a> is based on the theory that people can enjoy more than one loving, sexual relationship at the same time. (As opposed to "swinging," which is more a series of flings.)<br />
<br />
I find I'm kind of intrigued. In my own history, yes, this has described me. I have enjoyed - and sometimes, felt guilty about - feeling deep love and sexual attraction to more than one man at a time. Sometimes I was open about it; sometimes I was not, but I always felt worse about the secret-keeping than the sex.<br />
<br />
Have I found "my people?" I always felt homesick when I'd finish a Robert Heinlein book that described an extended, group marriage arrangement, from <i>Stranger in a Strange Land</i> to <i>Friday </i>to <i>To Sail Beyond the Sunset.</i><br />
<br />
Research is pointing more and more to the idea that monogamy isn't the only "natural" pairing for human beings, any more than heterosexuality is. Both may be the most popular, but they don't meet the needs of every individual. It turns out, I already knew a few poly people, and I like them, a lot. They don't have horns or hooves or anything unusual about them, except perhaps a greater appreciation for sensuality and openness about sex. (Kind like mine.)<br />
<br />
So, I am joining a few poly and Sex-Positive Meet-Up groups and FaceBook Groups, and have checked out a library book on the subject that was recommended to me. I'm going very slow, feeling like Bambi's mother, cautiously sniffing the air and taking one tiny, cautious step at a time, before frolicking in the meadow. We all know that Bad Things happened when she forgot.<br />
<br />
And that's not the kind of stuffed and mounted I'm looking for.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2lB8pXepFCw9EGP2P7tGbenyH0dNROy6FA98cU4Tmtr4JymVXbNxSwFyl_cK3mfT1cjRoa7xfnUpi11n1qvO0tRW_EstWNZFC1tLBjKJkGrtRtpYsxVFZLqCxMv50TCGYAJ6C5m3TuISj/s1600/books.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2lB8pXepFCw9EGP2P7tGbenyH0dNROy6FA98cU4Tmtr4JymVXbNxSwFyl_cK3mfT1cjRoa7xfnUpi11n1qvO0tRW_EstWNZFC1tLBjKJkGrtRtpYsxVFZLqCxMv50TCGYAJ6C5m3TuISj/s1600/books.jpg" height="360" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
And while I am meeting and chatting with a variety of men, I am being careful, both with my person and with my heart. <br />
<br />
Note: <i>If </i>you are going to be sexting, and <i>if </i>you are going to be sending selfie pictures of your favorite vibrator (I would <i>never ever </i>sext a picture that showed intimate body parts, not even a nipple), you just <i>might </i>want to either delete those pictures off your phone, or move them into another folder, before you let people scroll through your phone to look at your kitten pics. Oops!<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Have you known people who were openly polyamorous?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Had unusual online dating experiences?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Your thoughts?</i></div>
<br />
<br />Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-26852610396047623732014-10-20T07:05:00.000-07:002014-10-20T07:05:00.377-07:00She Ain't Your Typical Snow WhiteBecause who hasn't wanted to read the story of Snow White, retold where she's an amazing badass? Who hunts vampires?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivlWKwCwBoiJZkCRi3A2Hz41oZOG5DwEWawhfswkV0F7Dp5a_MFcxS0UoEKu_tihDAqGbLLdAwWfEpwuc1tNhfbdXJEsYvEEs9Fx1Hy4LjsJiQhnNQ3ReDe6E0aSgl4qZk67mf9VzEhFu2/s1600/Snow+Gwyn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivlWKwCwBoiJZkCRi3A2Hz41oZOG5DwEWawhfswkV0F7Dp5a_MFcxS0UoEKu_tihDAqGbLLdAwWfEpwuc1tNhfbdXJEsYvEEs9Fx1Hy4LjsJiQhnNQ3ReDe6E0aSgl4qZk67mf9VzEhFu2/s1600/Snow+Gwyn.jpg" height="400" width="265" /></a></div>
Pleased to welcome to Writing in Flow bestselling author Rebekah R. Ganiere, and her book, <b><i>Snow The Vampire Slayer.</i></b><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Lady Snow Gwyn is tired of playing "mother" to her
seven Vampire Slaying brothers. For the past two years, she's yearned to be out
there fighting at their side as they hunt for bloodsuckers in the black of night.
Snow is as good a fighter as any man, but she wasn't called to be a Slayer. A
mere formality in her book.</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<o:p> </o:p>Prince Sageren, Son of Lothar has spent the last fifty years
in exile, awaiting the day when he can finally avenge his family and take back
his throne. Barely existing, he's forced to face his inner demons and the monster
he once was, compelling him to vow to never drink from humans again. A simple enough
task--until he crosses paths with a human who makes his fangs ache to drain
her.</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
When Snow runs into Prince Sage on a late night trip to the woods, she's torn
between the urge to kill him and the desire to succumb to the feeling he stirs
within her. And when Snow's life is threatened by the same evil that murdered
his family, Prince Sage must enlist the aid of Snow's brothers to not only help
him save her life, but to also regain his rightful place as King of the
Vampires.<br /><o:p> </o:p>If Sage can keep the Slayers from killing him first.</blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sounds delish, amirite? Here's an excerpt:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFYz2q-r3bgey57fIdOG4B0dN8XGVARs98NFe91e3HCQd1U-P9JcNaqr-MlvS-fgsKlknhEbzc-esYOXVCCKj6XbdiPIZW69Fr-XbZAkjBOCt97L1Y5MJK8RuGdmv0FpLCqw2_ONhISg4V/s1600/Price+Sage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFYz2q-r3bgey57fIdOG4B0dN8XGVARs98NFe91e3HCQd1U-P9JcNaqr-MlvS-fgsKlknhEbzc-esYOXVCCKj6XbdiPIZW69Fr-XbZAkjBOCt97L1Y5MJK8RuGdmv0FpLCqw2_ONhISg4V/s1600/Price+Sage.jpg" height="400" width="287" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
<i>Run away. Run now</i>. He wanted to scream. But he couldn’t. <i>Drink her dry. Make her your own and you’ll
never be alone again.</i> He pounded on his skull. His gaze met hers and he
suddenly lost all reserve.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
One moment he was inches away, the next he grabbed her
braid and forced her body against his, crushing her lips with his own. His
tongue plunged deep into her mouth. She stiffened at his touch initially, but
then relaxed against him. He needed this.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
Her supple body pressed against his, her curves sparking
every inch of his skin to wake up and pay attention. Out of sheer will, he
forced his fangs at bay. He wanted her all to himself at that moment. Just her.
The feel of her lips on his lips. Her tongue danced and licked his with a
palpable need. Her apparent lack of experience made Sage savor her all the
more.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
He was dangerously close to losing control. She pushed
against him roughly and he let go. Her eyes widened before hardening. Quick as
light, she swung to slap him, but he caught her wrist. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
“You don’t want to do that, love. You’ll split your palm
open again.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
“You had no right to kiss me.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
Need pounded through him, making his body quake. He let go
of her wrist. “I didn’t see you protesting too much.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
“I…I…” Her mouth opened and closed several times, but no
words formed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
His gaze trained on her throat. The pulsing vein and the
thundering of her heartbeat called to him. He licked his lips.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
He stepped forward, gripped her arms and locked his eyes
with hers. Her pupils contracted and then flooded open. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
“You will go straight to the cabin. You will get your
things and you will run. Run ‘til you get safe in your bed. And when you wake
up in the morning, you will remember nothing.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify; text-indent: 23.75pt;">
Her eyes glazed over and he eased his grasp on her. She
picked up her sword and ran. A minute later, the light in the cabin flickered
out and the door slammed. Sage didn’t dare let himself even breathe until he
knew she’d gone, for fear that he would chase her down and ravish her. <o:p></o:p></div>
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When he no longer heard her footsteps, he fell to his knees
and clutched the bloodied gauze she’d left behind. So long he had been in
exile, underground. So long he’d denied himself the companionship of a woman.
And here, in the middle of a glade, he’d found her. His heart’s desire was a
human. What the hell was he going to do now?<o:p></o:p></div>
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Rebekah R. Ganiere is an award winning author. Her novel <i>Dead
Awakenings</i>, debuted in January 2014. <i>Red
the Were Hunter</i>, the first in her <i>Farielle
Series</i>, released in May. The second book <i>Snow the Vampire Slayer</i> was released in September 22, 2014.
And her trilogy <i>The Society</i> will be
released Nov. 17th 2014 by Kensington's Lyrical Press. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Rebekah is the VP of Communications of the RWA FFP Chapter
as well as a member of her local <st1:city w:st="on">Los Angeles</st1:city> and
<st1:place w:st="on"><st1:placename w:st="on">Orange</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st="on">County</st1:placetype></st1:place> chapters. In her spare time when
she isn't writing you can find her moderating on SavvyAuthors.com or hanging
out with her husband, four children and her English Bulldog, rabbit, two
bearded dragons, and two tortoises. </div>
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The escaped snake has yet to be found.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<strike>Stalk</strike> Find Rebekah:</div>
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<a href="http://rebekahganiere.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #ce0000; font-family: "Carnivalee Freakshow";">Newsletter</span></a><span style="color: #ce0000; font-family: "Carnivalee Freakshow"; mso-no-proof: yes;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 7.5pt;">~ </span><a href="http://www.twitter.com/vampwerezombie" target="_blank"><span style="color: #ce0000; font-family: "Carnivalee Freakshow";">Twitter</span></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-no-proof: yes;"> ~</span><span style="color: #ce0000; font-family: "Carnivalee Freakshow"; mso-no-proof: yes;"> </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/VampiresWerewolvesZombies" target="_blank"><span style="color: #ce0000; font-family: "Carnivalee Freakshow";">Facebook</span></a><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 7.5pt; mso-no-proof: yes;"> ~
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/VampWereZombie" target="_blank"><span style="color: #ce0000; font-family: "Carnivalee Freakshow"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Goodreads</span></a> ~ <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZavprxez_3O2EAz35nVp9Q" target="_blank"><span style="color: #c40000; font-family: "Carnivalee Freakshow"; font-size: 12.0pt;">BookTrailers</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #4d4d4d; font-family: "Carnivalee Freakshow"; font-size: 13.5pt; mso-no-proof: yes;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Rebekah-R.-Ganiere/e/B00HMX1M3C/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1399303463&sr=8-1" target="_blank"><span style="color: #4d4d4d; font-family: "Times","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Amazon</span></a></span><span style="color: #4d4d4d; font-family: "Times","serif"; mso-no-proof: yes;">, <a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/c/rebekah-r.-ganiere" target="_blank"><span style="color: #4d4d4d;">BN</span></a>, <a href="http://store.kobobooks.com/en-US/Search?query=Rebekah%20R.%20Ganiere&fcsearchfield=Author" target="_blank"><span style="color: #4d4d4d;">Kobo</span></a> & <span style="color: #4d4d4d;"><a href="http://www.allromanceebooks.com/storeSearch.html?searchBy=author&qString=Rebekah+R.+Ganiere" target="_blank">ARE</a></span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="color: #4d4d4d; font-family: "Times","serif"; mso-no-proof: yes;"><i>Or, ask Rebekah a question here.</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #4d4d4d; font-family: "Times","serif"; mso-no-proof: yes;"><i>I'll be guesting on her blog next Monday, yeah, me!</i></span></div>
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<br />Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-56976195435001013082014-09-29T07:00:00.000-07:002014-09-29T07:00:05.306-07:00Because KittensI haven't posted in a while, because life.<br />
<br />
And kittens.<br />
<br />
As I've been adjusting to the loss of my beloved brother-in-law, and looking for ways to support and re-invent my relationship with my sister, her sons, and my own son, I've been busy. Busy at work, busy with family "events," and busy with therapy.<br />
<br />
I am happy to report, my sister is currently in remission and doing... okay. Losing someone who's been your life partner since you were 18 ain't something you shrug and get over in a hurry.<br />
<br />
The weekend she moved home (june) to the small community on the shores of Lake Isabella, she almost had to evacuate, because of a nearby fire. Then again, last month (August), same deal. Another fire that came within 1/2 mile of her house, as if having serious cancer and losing her husband wasn't bad enough.<br />
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I am torn between sticking close to my sis to give her comfort and staying the hell away because it sometimes seems like she is a lightning rod for drama.<br />
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The drought is hitting California terribly hard, hence, the fires. I know, I know, #firstworldproblems. It's not like we have to give up showering (yet), or, stars forbid, <i>miss </i>a few meals like people in Africa or other parts of the world, where global climate change = regional starvation.<br />
<br />
But then again, maybe that's in our future. Who knows where this will lead, in another 20 years?<br />
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Earlier this month, some of the family went to my sister's house to ?celebrate? ?acknowledge? what would have been my BIL's birthday, because that's what my sis wanted. Among other things, we watched Jim's favorite movie, Tommy. Which is also one of my all-time favorites.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Tommy-Roger-Daltrey/dp/B00000K3TV%3FSubscriptionId%3D0G81C5DAZ03ZR9WH9X82%26tag%3Dzemanta-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3DB00000K3TV" imageanchor="1" style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: clear:right;"><img alt="Cover of " border="0" class="zemanta-img-inserted" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51ydZ9JHD1L._SL350_.jpg" height="640" style="border: none; font-size: 0.8em;" tommy="" width="444" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 243px;">Cover of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Tommy-Roger-Daltrey/dp/B00000K3TV%3FSubscriptionId%3D0G81C5DAZ03ZR9WH9X82%26tag%3Dzemanta-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3DB00000K3TV" target="_blank">Tommy</a></td></tr>
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Here's one of <i>my </i><span style="font-size: small;">favorite scenes, where Tommy's mother Nora, played by Ann-Margret, has a nervous breakdown (what we currently call a psychotic break).</span><br /><span style="font-size: small; text-align: start;"></span>
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I love how, in the end, the only pure, white, unbesmirched thing left in the room is the carnations... and then they, too, are beaned and chocolated up.<br />
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<h3>
An Object in Motion Tends to Stay in Motion</h3>
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Because my life is in transition, and I am having to make a shift in all the relationships in my life, to adjust to the loss of my beloved Jim, I've been seeing a therapist once a week. Got plenty of emotional homework I've been working on. I feel like I am making good progress.<br />
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I personally recommend therapy in times of grief, or transition. If we pay attention to something that's not - <i>quite </i>- working right, whether that's a car, a faucet, or our emotional life, it's much easier to fix than waiting till the engine is "froze up" on the overpass from the 134 to the 2. (Which is NOT where you want to be stuck, trust me.)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/2c/Glendalefreeway.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/2c/Glendalefreeway.jpg" height="218" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">via <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/California_State_Route_2#mediaviewer/File:Glendalefreeway.jpg" target="_blank">wikipedia </a>at at the half-way point<br />
Yes, it IS a billion miles high, give or take a few</td></tr>
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My personal engine is not stalled, but over the last few months, it's been laboring. So, fewer blog posts, more massages, and counseling to get through the tough parts.<br />
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<b><i>And</i></b>, I've been <a href="http://www.icatcare.org:8080/advice/how-guides/how-introduce-new-kitten-your-resident-cat" target="_blank">transitioning a kitten</a>,<br />
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See, my cat, 12 1/2 year-old Metaphor, aka Stinky, is just a smidge overweight.<br />
<br />
Maybe more than a smidge.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXVUcHYxYhlvQGAEoOelFyOtz1c4VTS3GbhjX_smVM26JfeehhLnFgaAZnNBkQSzSR2DhgGMapJ6SAQ8UxYOSw0aCTuGu53M2sogdwIYKie5sM6vFXZw3ugCMiA11LuQMyrm_RngKdjjxc/s1600/IMG_0547.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXVUcHYxYhlvQGAEoOelFyOtz1c4VTS3GbhjX_smVM26JfeehhLnFgaAZnNBkQSzSR2DhgGMapJ6SAQ8UxYOSw0aCTuGu53M2sogdwIYKie5sM6vFXZw3ugCMiA11LuQMyrm_RngKdjjxc/s1600/IMG_0547.JPG" height="480" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What do you mean, I'm not just fluffy?</td></tr>
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I have tried every brand of diet cat for the last 8 years. Stinky only gets MEASURED amounts of it. Endless vet consultations. And still... *sighing* I've bought so many cat toys and tried to interest her in them, my living room looks like Cat Disneyland. [Note: I'm sure I am supposed to post some kind of disclaimer here that Disneyland is trademarked yada yada, but you all know that I don't really have Disneyland in my living room, right?]<br />
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<h3>
Enter Motivation, aka, Mojo</h3>
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So, a hot young stud (neutered or not) would certainly get ME up and moving around. I consulted the staff at the East Valley Animal Shelter, and brought home Mojo, who's about 4 months old, and less than 4 pounds, to Metaphor's 22-23.<br />
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He is sweet and affectionate and I have been spending most mornings and evenings working to give each kitty individual attention and love and exercise space, before securing Motivation and heading off to the day job.<br />
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Two weeks in... Metaphor has let the kitten touch noses with her twice, but she's still pretty hissy.<br />
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Mojo has been in the Cone of Shame, following his neutering...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5RMde7aFdCVxMGvfaFUB2xES0uyd3riW61bGK__IRwYrXuCs4xCxBmHOfbja1L30q18Ib5hL_KUm4aZmTrf54igUVdcKOXhbBda6QYOzEOUcTMzvudUfx0MNpuyuCWpDlazpdAJNwqxER/s1600/IMG_0539.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5RMde7aFdCVxMGvfaFUB2xES0uyd3riW61bGK__IRwYrXuCs4xCxBmHOfbja1L30q18Ib5hL_KUm4aZmTrf54igUVdcKOXhbBda6QYOzEOUcTMzvudUfx0MNpuyuCWpDlazpdAJNwqxER/s1600/IMG_0539.JPG" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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And out of it...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEsRUvU2NtTRcw-W4AL7VZWBRohgv_oyk1Har8mEn3KZ7FD0gtv6aph8Ir_PJ17D59_igR0y-8g8FsW4gNC8t5Irxa2RnVl-hYrwypshLByeIL3DXrbCBCdYuN_OhKN1RhPKOQ_8KNsOXT/s1600/IMG_0571.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEsRUvU2NtTRcw-W4AL7VZWBRohgv_oyk1Har8mEn3KZ7FD0gtv6aph8Ir_PJ17D59_igR0y-8g8FsW4gNC8t5Irxa2RnVl-hYrwypshLByeIL3DXrbCBCdYuN_OhKN1RhPKOQ_8KNsOXT/s1600/IMG_0571.JPG" height="480" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes, he <i>does </i>have the cutest, little white tip to his tail.</td></tr>
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And... back in it again. (WHY can't males leave their danglies ALONE?!?)<br />
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*I* am well. Both kitties are spending a fair amount of time purring and being happy, and are on nutritional supplements recommended by my vet to boost their immune systems in these stressful times.<br />
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According to the label, it's tasty, so I <i>almost </i>took a lick, but it's rather fishy-smelling, so, no.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>How are YOU?</i></div>
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<i>What have YOU been up to, doing my hiatus from blogging and posting and visiting 'round?</i></div>
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<i>Are you ready for the next Slut of the Month, coming next Monday?</i></div>
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Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-29502867842675870232014-08-11T06:10:00.001-07:002014-08-11T06:10:16.278-07:00Celebrating A #ToriAmos #MusicGiveawayPowerful, poignant, passionate, <i>Promise </i>showcases the kind of relationship, one of beauty and honesty and love, that all mothers and daughters should share.<br />
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Since the first time I heard her, I've loved Tori's work. Whether it's the unflinching rawness <i><a href="http://youtu.be/30MOvknHMQw" target="_blank">Me and a Gun</a></i>, the fairy tale-childhood lost ballad <i><a href="http://youtu.be/Wqk2-y6ZsHU" target="_blank">Winter</a></i>, or the kind of smoky, wobbly-on-high-heels tune that perfectly fits <i><a href="http://youtu.be/4cVw3ZS-968" target="_blank">Playboy Mommy</a></i>, her songs make a deep sort of sense, a reverberation in my soul, and in that of many women and men I've talked to. </div>
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So while normally, I don't "do" giveaways, when <b>Chris Lam</b> of <a href="http://www.whatiruninto.com/" target="_blank"><b><i>whatIruninto</i></b></a> said that <a class="zem_slink" href="http://universalmusic.com/" rel="homepage" target="_blank" title="Universal Music Group">Universal Music</a> was looking for a few good blogs to share this video and give away a couple albums, I was jumping up and down, "Pick me, pick me, pick me!"</div>
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I love to share good things, and while I wish I could buy my blogfriends every single album she's ever released, funds don't permit. But I'm thrilled that they're letting me share TWO.</div>
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<h3 style="text-align: left;">
Tori Puts the Writing First</h3>
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There's an incredible interview with<a href="http://jezebel.com/exclusive-tori-amos-premieres-new-video-and-answers-al-1613198445" target="_blank"> Mark Shrayber over at Jezebel</a>. A small excerpt:</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 0.9375rem; line-height: 1.6; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; word-break: break-word;">
<span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: inherit;">One of the most unique things about your performances is that when you sing, even when you're in a huge theatre, it feels like you're singing directly to them. What does it feel like to know you have such an impact on people?</strong></span></blockquote>
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Well, you know, the thing is, in order to have an impact on people, your modus operandi cannot be to have an impact on people. You have to be a musician and serve the muses and you have to surrender, in a way, yourself. In order to empower, I must surrender and let them kind of take over my physicality. And stay out of the way. Because only by serving the songs and respecting them can you possibly have the correct intention, and the intention is that you seeing the song from a grounded place, a clear place, and an emotional place.</blockquote>
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So in order to be that, your first thought cannot be, 'I wanna go out there and blow people away." That's when you're acting from your ego. And that's when you're performance is ego-based, and I have been there in my life, and we all probably have in different ways. But you're a writer, you put the writing first, and you be the best damned writer that you can be, then you can't control how people respond to it, but it's within your power to tell the story and in a way that does the story justice.</blockquote>
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Do you see why I love this artist? </h3>
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She spends an hour, hour and a half before almost all her concerts meeting and talking to her fans, letting them takes pictures, etc. She doesn't hold back, in her performing, in her songwriting, or with her fans.</div>
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Critics are saying that <b>The Unrepentant Geraldines</b> is Tori's best album in years.</div>
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<b><span style="color: red;">Two lucky commenters</span></b>, chosen at random*, will win a copy of <b><i>The Unrepentant Geraldines</i></b>, which includes the amazing song <i>Promise</i>. or, if you just can't wait, </div>
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buy it now:</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: start;"><a href="http://smarturl.it/ToriAmosUG_iTu" target="_blank">iTunes</a>, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: start;"><a href="http://smarturl.it/ToriAmosUG_Amz" target="_blank">Amazon CD</a>, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px; text-align: start;"><a href="http://smarturl.it/ToriAmosUG_GP" target="_blank">Google Play</a></span></div>
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<i>*A lot of blog authors will use Rafflecopter or some other device to ensure that you not only leave a comment, but Follow the fan page on FaceBook, on Twitter and via email and reTweet and sign up for the newsletter, yada yada. I always hate being asked to jump through a billion hoops, and figure you do, too. Just leave a comment, and I'll be drawing the winners on Wednesday. (Though if you <b>choose </b>to </i><i>Follow and reTweet and all that stuff, because I am cool and give good content, I do appreciate it.) </i></div>
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<i><br /></i><b>Related articles</b></div>
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<div class="zemanta-related" style="clear: both; margin-top: 20px; overflow: hidden;">
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<li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a href="http://www.popmatters.com/review/181515-tori-amos-unrepentant-geraldines/" target="_blank">Tori Amos: Unrepentant Geraldines (Review)</a> (popmatters.com)</li>
<li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a href="http://pop-break.com/2014/05/29/album-review-tori-amos-unrepentant-geraldines/" target="_blank">Album Review: Tori Amos, 'Unrepentant Geraldines'</a> (pop-break.com)</li>
<li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a href="http://www.pinkisthenewblog.com/2014-03-31/tori-amos-talks-at-length-about-the-songs-on-her-new-album-unrepentant-geraldines" target="_blank">Tori Amos Talks At LENGTH About The Songs On Her New Album 'Unrepentant Geraldines'</a> (pinkisthenewblog.com)<br /><br /></li>
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<i>If you're already a Tori Amos fan, what was your favorite song or album?</i></div>
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<i>If this was your introduction to her, are you looking forward to the listen?</i></div>
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Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-27453923005692197942014-08-04T07:15:00.000-07:002014-08-04T07:15:00.222-07:00Slut of the Month: Margaret Sanger<div style="text-align: right;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 233px;">Margaret H. Sanger (LOC) (Photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/8623220@N02/5455610769" target="_blank">The Library of Congress</a>)</td></tr>
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Do you remember the time when, if you wanted to prevent pregnancy, your best hopes were abstinence, prayer, or douching with Lysol? (Hell, yes, it burned.) When your doctor was<b><i> forbidden by law</i></b> to give you information on how to prevent pregnancy (even if you were a married woman, and <i>begging </i>for it)? When countless American infants and mothers died every year because of malnutrition, complications from constant childbearing, and illegal abortions?<br />
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<b>Neither do I, but it wasn't so very long ago</b> that <b>Margaret Sanger, née Higgins,</b> was born into <i>that </i>America. It was largely due to her<b> </b>tireless activism on <i><b>birth control</b></i> (a term she popularized), that it wasn't the world she left when she died in 1966.<br />
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Unfortunately, both in her own time, and in recent years, the name of Margaret Sanger has been splattered with so much mud and outright lies that the incredible, if flawed, woman that she was, has become hidden and distorted by the propaganda. Even the modern organization descended from the original clinics and organizations she founded, <b>Planned Parenthood</b>, shies away from discussing Margaret Sanger. But <i>why</i>?<br />
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Comstock and his Pervy Little Laws</h3>
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There once was a "Christian" man, Anthony Comstock, born in 1844, who epitomized H.L. Mencken's quote about Puritanism: <b><i>"</i></b><span lang="en-gb"><b><i>the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, is having a good time."</i></b> Comstock served in the Union Army during the Civil War (incessantly complaining about the other soldiers' profanity), formed the <a class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_York_Society_for_the_Suppression_of_Vice" rel="wikipedia" target="_blank" title="New York Society for the Suppression of Vice">New York Society for the Suppression of Vice</a>, and in 1873 was able to get a law passed in Congress prohibiting delivery via US mail <i>or </i>publication of "obscene, lewd or lascivious material." </span><br />
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<span lang="en-gb">According to Comstock, pretty much <b><i>all </i></b>drawings, photographs, or information about sexual organs or how they worked were obscene. This included material on prevention of venereal diseases, as well as contraceptive information... Even some anatomy textbooks were prohibited from being sent to medical students via US mail.</span><br />
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<span lang="en-gb">Comstock became a special Postal Inspector, and would later brag that he was responsible for about 4,000 arrests and 15 suicides.</span><br />
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<span lang="en-gb">No Birth Control = Poverty + Needless Death for Many Women & Children</span></h3>
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<a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Birth_Control_Review_1919b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: clear:right;"><img alt="English: Cover of Birth Control Review July 19..." border="0" class="zemanta-img-inserted" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d4/Birth_Control_Review_1919b.jpg" height="320" style="border: none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="233" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 233px;">English: Cover of Birth Control Review July 1919 Captions: "How shall we change the law?", "Must She Always Plead in Vain? "You are a nurse - can you tell me? For the children's sake - help me!" (Photo credit: <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Birth_Control_Review_1919b.jpg" target="_blank">Wikipedia</a>)</td></tr>
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<span lang="en-gb">This included Margaret Higgins Sanger's mother. The inference that this was a major impetus to Sanger's "calling" as the vanguard of the Birth Control movement cannot be denied. Anne Purcell Higgins died at age 48 of tuberculosis, much exacerbated by constant childbearing. She endured <b>eighteen </b>pregnancies in twenty-two years, with eleven living children and seven miscarriages, one nearly resulting in her death. Margaret Louise, born in 1879, was the sixth child, with the next living child, Ethel, following four years later. The family was so poor, one story goes, that when one of Margaret's brothers tore his (only) trousers, he was forced to attend school in a dress, while his mother mended his pants.</span><br />
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<span lang="en-gb">Margaret dreamed of becoming a doctor, but funds (donated from her older sisters) simply weren't available to permit more than a few years schooling as a nurse. As a nurse in the early 1900's, she often visited impoverished families with large broods of children, and met countless women who begged for help in preventing another pregnancy. Many women died of complications from childbirth or illegal abortions, to which they often resorted out of desperation.</span><br />
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<span lang="en-gb">While a modern, well-nourished American woman under good medical supervision <i>may </i>be able to bear large broods of healthy children with few complications, women who are badly nourished, or ill with syphilis, HIV, tuberculosis, or other diseases, who live in slums or in poor rural areas with little medical attention, rarely enjoy the same rosy outcome. No mother wants to abandon, via her own death, her existing children, yet this was a frequent scenario.</span><br />
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<span lang="en-gb">Sadie Sachs - True Story, or Composite?</span></h3>
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<span lang="en-gb"></span><span lang="en-gb">Sanger would later tell and retell the story of Sadie Sachs, a 28-year old mother of three in the Jewish ghettos of New York, who she helped nurse through the complications of a botched abortion. Sachs <i>begged </i>the doctor who initially treated her for advice about preventing another pregnancy: "Another baby will finish me." The doctor had little sympathy: "You want your cake while you eat it too, do you? Well, it can't be done. I'll tell you the only sure thing to do... Tell Jake to sleep on the roof." Several months later, Sanger returned to the apartment, to find Sadie dying from septicemia, from another botched abortion.</span><br />
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<span lang="en-gb"></span>While this story may or may not have been true, what is undeniable is that there were many "Sadie Sachs" in 1912, dying or suffering from lack of knowledge and access to birth control. Sanger felt strongly that it was an:<br />
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unjust world that offered women in their married state only celibacy, abortion, and too many children as their reproductive choices.</blockquote>
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<span lang="en-gb">Sanger Was the First Pro-Choicer </span></h3>
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<span lang="en-gb">What women desire is the knowledge which will enable them to have as few children as they themselves consider consistent with their health, their desires, their opportunities for development, their economic resources, their ability to rear and educate.</span></blockquote>
Note: <b>Pro-choice ≠ Pro-abortion.</b> I tell you three times: <b>Pro-choice ≠ Pro-abortion; Pro-choice ≠ Pro-abortion; </b><b>Pro-choice ≠ Pro-abortion.</b><b> </b>While Sanger has been slandered in many different ways, one of the most egregious is calling her a "baby killer." Why she reluctantly agreed that in some rare cases, a <a class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abortion" rel="wikipedia" target="_blank" title="Abortion">therapeutic abortion</a> might be medically necessary, she NEVER advocated for abortion "as a form of birth control," as she has often been accused.<br />
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...while there are cases when even the law recognizes an abortion as justifiable if recommended by a physician, I assert that the hundreds of thousands of abortions performed in America each year are a disgrace to civilization.</blockquote>
Her first handbills, for her first clinic in Brownsville, New York in 1916, advised:<span lang="en-gb"></span><br />
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<span lang="en-gb">MOTHERS! Can you afford to have a large family? Do you want any more children? IF not, why do you have them? DO NOT KILL, DO NOT TAKE LIFE, BUT PREVENT.</span></blockquote>
<span lang="en-gb">Sanger believed that if knowledge and methods of birth control were widely known, affordable, effective, and easy to use, abortion would become rare.</span><br />
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<span lang="en-gb">We've Come A Long Way, (No) Baby</span></h3>
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<span lang="en-gb">But there's still such a long way to go when it comes to birth control devices. In the early 1900's, there was abstinence (something Sanger and others did not believe was a very reasonable way to conduct a marriage), there was withdrawal (although the Catholic Church cast a heavy frown on 'Onanism'), there were various douches (see Lysol) and pessaries (basically, diaphragms, but officially used to 'support' a sagging uterus), and there were condoms.</span><br />
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<span lang="en-gb">Sanger believed the best option would be one the woman herself controlled, rather than relying upon her partner's cooperation, and spent many woman-hours in European jaunts looking for what <i>they </i>used. Was it better? Was it worth trying? How would it work in a tenement apartment in New York where one bathroom was shared by four or five floors of tenants? (A downside to some of the experimental sponges with powder that required adding water.)</span><br />
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<a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Plaquettes_de_pilule.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: clear:right;"><img alt="Different kinds of birth control pills." border="0" class="zemanta-img-inserted" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/40/Plaquettes_de_pilule.jpg/350px-Plaquettes_de_pilule.jpg" height="275" style="border: none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="350" /></a></div>
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<span lang="en-gb">Later, largely in response to Sanger popularizing the discussion of birth control, the Catholic Church would devise 'the Rhythm Method' as an acceptable way to 'space' babies. (But it was supposed to be <i>only </i>for extreme medical conditions, and it also had the drawback of not working very reliably for most women, whose cycles are generally irregular.)</span><br />
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<span lang="en-gb">During Sanger's travels, as she encountered various types of birth control projects, she encouraged them, always verbally, often with donations directed their way. When it came to The Pill, Margaret Sanger became its Fairy Godmother. In 1953, she introduced wealthy donor Katherine McCormick to Dr. Gregory Pincus and his collaborator, M.C. Chang, who were working on an anovulant project that became The Pill. (And coincidentally, The Pill was able to help women with infertility problems.) Sanger also encouraged the development of IUD's.</span><br />
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<span lang="en-gb">Writer, Propagandist, Clinic Founder, Lobbyist, International Activist, Feminist</span></h3>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center; width: 350px;">Sanger and her sons in a 1922 advertisement for one of her books (Photo credit: <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Woman_And_The_New_Race.png" target="_blank">Wikipedia</a>)</td></tr>
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She wrote a series called "What Every Girl Should Know" for the <i>New York C</i><i>all</i>, which was sometimes seized and other times, censored; she wrote pamphlets and in 1916, opened a clinic in Brooklyn, New York. Lines outside the clinic were long, but it served several hundred clients before it was raided and shut down after operating less than a week.<br />
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Still, somehow, she continued writing, continued lining up supporters, continued fundraising on a level never-heretofore seen, opened more clinics, lobbied for changes in the law(s), lined up support for birth control support internationally...<br />
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Sanger believed that when population growth exceeded local natural resources, war became the natural result. As a pacifist, Sanger thought it was better to limit population growth to what the local area could sustain, rather than raise excess population as soldiers and cannon fodder.<br />
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She had birth control advocates in Japan, in India, in the UK, and in the USA, and sponsored numerous international conferences. She continued to open or encourage the opening of clinics across the USA, which served the purpose of helping women's health, including, but not limited to, birth control.<br />
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Yes, she did hold "radical" ideas, including the one that each woman should be free to choose her own destiny.<br />
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So Where's The Controversy?</h2>
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Was Sanger A Racist?</h3>
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This is another allegation that has been flung so many times that people begin to think there must be <i>something </i>to it.<br />
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Of course, none of us can read Sanger's mind. But she <i>insisted </i>that whites be willing to work with blacks.<br />
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We must change the white attitudes... When you have Negroes working with whites you have the break down of barriers, the beginning of progress. Negro participation in planned parenthood means democratic representation in a democratic idea. Like other democratic ideas, planned parenthood places a greater value on human life and the dignity of each person.</blockquote>
She opened clinics for black women, not because she perceived them as particularly needing to be restrained in the fecundity, but <a href="http://www.factcheck.org/2011/11/cains-false-attack-on-planned-parenthood/" target="_blank">at the request of African-American leaders</a> like W.E.B. Dubois, Mary McLeod Bethune, founder of the National Council of Negro Women, and Adam Clayton Powell, Jr., pastor of the Abyssianian Baptist Church. She put black community leaders on the board, with black staff and doctors at the clinics.<br />
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<a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:SangerOnCourtSteps2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: clear:right;"><img alt="English: 1917 photo of Margaret Sanger." border="0" class="zemanta-img-inserted zemanta-img-configured" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/be/SangerOnCourtSteps2.jpg/350px-SangerOnCourtSteps2.jpg" height="324" style="border: none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="350" /></a></div>
</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 350px;">English: 1917 photo of Margaret Sanger. (Photo credit: <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:SangerOnCourtSteps2.jpg" target="_blank">Wikipedia</a>)</td></tr>
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She was sensitive to the idea that people might imagine she and her staff we trying to eradicate the African-American race (not there really is such a thing, biologically speaking). She wanted to offer black women the same tools to choose the number of children they would bear as she was offering to white women. African-Americans were NOT targeted (by her) in an attempt to wipe them out, despite ongoing LIES to the contrary.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
We have got to change the inference that the quality of our population depends on the birth rate of college graduates. To me this is tinsel thinking. [There are] just as sound qualities in Arizona cowboys, mechanics, and artists. Racial regeneration must come from within and be autonomous, self-directed and not imposed from without.</blockquote>
Martin Luther King, Jr. was <i>pleased </i>to receive the Margaret Sanger award from Planned Parenthood in 1966. In part his speech, delivered by his wife Coretta Scott King, read:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
There is a striking kinship between our movement and Margaret Sanger’s early efforts. She, like we, saw the horrifying conditions of ghetto life. Like we, she knew that all of society is poisoned by cancerous slums. Like we, she was a direct actionist — a nonviolent resister. She was willing to accept scorn and abuse until the truth she saw was revealed to the millions. At the turn of the century she went into the slums and set up a birth control clinic, and for this deed she went to jail because she was violating an unjust law. Yet the years have justified her actions. She launched a movement which is obeying a higher law to preserve human life under humane conditions. Margaret Sanger had to commit what was then called a crime in order to enrich humanity, and today we honor her courage and vision; for without them there would have been no beginning. Our sure beginning in the struggle for equality by nonviolent direct action may not have been so resolute without the tradition established by Margaret Sanger and people like her.</blockquote>
Doesn't sound much like Dr. King believed she was an inhuman monster intent on destroying the black race, does it?<br />
<br />
<br />
<h3>
Was Margaret Sanger a Eugenicist?</h3>
<br />
This is another label that has been slapped over the history of Margaret Sanger. The answer to that is, it's complicated. Many of the advocates of the early birth control movement <i>were </i>eugenicists - that is, they believed in the continual improvement of the human race via breeding "superior" human stock and discouraging the breeding of "inferior" stock. Sanger certainly did not want to alienate their backing at a time when she was looking to drum up popular support.<br />
<br />
Many religious organizations and people in the early part of the 20th century, were part of the Eugenics Movement, <a href="http://sangerpapers.wordpress.com/2013/07/30/misconceptions-of-margaret-sanger-and-the-eugenics-movement/" target="_blank">including President Theodore Roosevelt.</a> While some eugenicists were undoubtedly racist, others had a more nuanced view. Many believed that "morons" (a term applied to people who were not competent to make reproductive decisions) should be sterilized. While Down syndrome (and other developmental delays) happens on a spectrum, and many individuals are high functioning, would it be a terrible thing to sterilize those low-functioning Down syndrome individuals, who are not able to care for a baby, and also may not be able to employ modern birth control methods, yet be sexually active? Personally, I'm not sure. (And who would make that call?)<br />
<br />
I believe that, even now, most of us would agree (in theory) that it would be better if <i>some </i>people didn't breed. For example, I don't want to see Octomom have more kids, or Charles Manson have <i>any</i>. I am in support of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ashley_Treatment" target="_blank">what Ashley X's parents did</a> to prevent their <i>Pillow Angel</i> from "becoming a woman" in body, with the mind of a nine-month old baby.<br />
<br />
So while, <i>today</i>, the idea of eugenicists and Hitler are bound together inseparably, this wasn't the case in the decades before Hitler came to power, and it's unfair to infer (or state outright) that Margaret Sanger thought that Hitler's attempted exterminations of Jews, Roma, and others was a grand idea. <b>Sanger <i>never </i>applied the term "unfit" to entire races and religions, only to individuals.</b> (As do we all, if we are honest about it.)<br />
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<br />
<br />
<h3>
Man-hater? As if. </h3>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div>
Margaret Sanger had more (male) lovers and admirers, not to mention two husbands, than most women had stockings. She married Bill Sanger (a Jew, for those who insist she was anti-Semitic), and had three children by him, although their daughter Peggy died as a young child. Later, she would take many lovers, including sexologist Havelock Ellis, the famous writer H.G. Wells, her biographer, an artist in Tucson... I lost track at a dozen or so men. Along with a second husband, J. Noah Slee.<br />
<br />
Somehow, all her men adored her. She was petite, with auburn hair, a <i>great </i>wit, and apparently, was gangbusters in bed.</div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Never be ashamed of passion. If you are strongly sexed, you are richly endowed.</blockquote>
Somehow, she managed to juggle them all, writing a bouquet of love letters to most of them, without any of them feeling slighted or (much) jealous.<br />
<br />
She also had many loyal female friends, somewhat unusual for a "man's woman."<br />
<br />
A woman of many talents, indeed.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
So who's responsible for all the disinformation about Margaret Sanger?<br />
<br />
<h3>
Yes, Catholic Church, I'm Giving <i>You </i>the Stinkeye</h3>
<br />
While there are many kind, loving, wonderful people who belong to the Catholic Church, <i>as an institution</i>, it has too often been on the wrong side of history, justice, and the protection of innocents. To give just five examples: 1) The Crusades, 2) The Inquisition, 3) The cooperation with Hitler, 4) The protection of pedophile priests, 5) The abuse in homes for unwed mothers in Ireland and elsewhere<br />
<br />
When it comes to sex and sexuality, the Catholic Church is inconsistent at best. Their position, as I understand it, is that married couples should always be "open" to the possibility that God may grant them a child (and that non-married couples should simply <i>not </i>be engaging in sexual intercourse, period); otherwise to engage in sex simply for pleasure or emotional bonding is sinful. Yet they have <i>also </i>decided that for married couples who <i>know </i>they are infertile, for reasons of age or physical condition, it is <i>not </i>a sin for them to engage in sex simply for pleasure or bonding.<br />
<br />
Huh?<br />
<br />
The Catholic Church, which holds non-taxable status in the US as a religious organization, theoretically <i>not </i>involved in politics, vigorously pressured politicians and lawmakers during the lifetime of Margaret Sanger, and continues to this day (Hobby Lobby, anyone?) to wield tremendous influence on the government of the USA to depart from or void any laws or policies that might encourage use of birth control (at the same time most American Catholic women say <i>pff!</i> to the Vatican, and use birth control according to their own familial needs).<br />
<br />
It is possible, at some time, that the Catholic Church will come to realize that, like a petri dish, the Earth is a closed system. The organisms on it (us humans) can only multiply to a certain extent, before our food and water supply is exhausted, or we are poisoned by the toxicity of our own waste products, or, possibly, both.<br />
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<br />
<br />
<h3>
So, why the lies? </h3>
<br />
Societies in which there is more supply (of population) than demand has individuals who are more likely to accept crappy jobs - in factories, on farms, in "service industries," especially if there are too many mouths to feed at home. Young men (and women) who see little potential for finding decent jobs and cannot afford an education are much more likely to enlist in the military, enabling the elite to wage massive wars (and profit thereby *cough Haliburton cough*). <br />
<br />
Follow the money. <b>Who benefits</b> when working class and poor people have more children than they can afford to feed, clothe, house, and educate?<br />
<br />
<br />
<h3>
How Should We Remember Sanger?</h3>
<br />
Her granddaughter, Margaret Marston, recounts one of their last conversations. Margaret Sanger said she hoped she would be remembered "for helping women, because women are the strength of the future. They take care of culture and tradition,and preserve what is good."<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCYkIGvC5MRAL2mp1J48AWK6YC9FdWGDwx0cmQCCRnRT7mqq20vBUq-rtQTNC9E2PzZIRCGUn5fGquoTVNVgGQLPxecg1-yVdZu442zhZsxl2rB3aqL_MekQXPF2VBfPjjhVjQER1NtsyS/s1600/Women's+Rights.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCYkIGvC5MRAL2mp1J48AWK6YC9FdWGDwx0cmQCCRnRT7mqq20vBUq-rtQTNC9E2PzZIRCGUn5fGquoTVNVgGQLPxecg1-yVdZu442zhZsxl2rB3aqL_MekQXPF2VBfPjjhVjQER1NtsyS/s640/Women's+Rights.jpg" height="494" width="640" /></a><br />
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<br />
<b>Past Sluts: Go to the <a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/p/for-sluts-only.html" target="_blank">For Sluts Only</a> page for links to past sluts in this series.</b><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<i> What had you ever heard about Margaret Sanger?<br />Who do you think should control a woman's reproductive choices?</i><br />
<i>Your thoughts?</i></div>
<div class="zemanta-related" style="clear: both; margin-top: 20px; overflow: hidden;">
<h4 class="zemanta-related-title">
Related articles</h4>
<ul class="zemanta-article-ul" style="clear: left;">
<li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a href="http://sangerpapers.wordpress.com/2014/07/03/2930/" target="_blank">Excavating a Footnote: Unpacking Margaret Sanger's Views on Charity and the Unfit</a> (sangerpapers.wordpress.com)</li>
<li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a href="http://www.alternet.org/gender/how-margaret-sanger-led-birth-control-movement-and-why-gop-still-hates-her" target="_blank">How Margaret Sanger Led the Birth Control Movement - and Why the GOP Still Hates Her</a> (alternet.org)</li>
<li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a href="http://subterfusex.wordpress.com/2011/02/21/planned-parenthood-is-not-synonymous-with-abortion/" target="_blank">Planned Parenthood is not synonymous with abortion</a> (subterfusex.wordpress.com)</li>
<li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a href="http://triblive.com/opinion/featuredcommentary/4701913-74/sanger-control-birth" target="_blank">Margaret Sanger's unhappy birthday</a> (triblive.com)</li>
<li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a href="http://drvitelli.typepad.com/providentia/2013/04/the-sex-wars-part-4.html" target="_blank">The Sex Wars (Part 4 of 4)</a> (drvitelli.typepad.com)</li>
</ul>
</div>
Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-57026912101428900902014-05-19T09:56:00.001-07:002014-05-19T09:56:16.597-07:00Ain't Ready To Make Nice #socialmediaetiquette<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've been on something of a blog and writing hiatus, dealing with some overwhelming family issues. Meanwhile, the world has rolled on, full of celebrations and tragedies and hero cats kicking the snot out of evilcrazy dogs. <i>Go</i>, hero cat Tara, go!<br />
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<br />
But I've been trying to read and comment on blogs, here and there. And I came across one post that kind of ticked me off. I wrote and pressed "Submit" on a polite but dissenting opinion, and moved on with my life.<br />
<br />
Yet, days later, the original post was still bugging me. And (this is somewhat amusing to me) when I checked back, she'd never approved my comment; only the comments which formed an Amen Chorus to the post appear on the site.<br />
<br />
So I thought I'd throw my opinions out there like spaghetti noodles, here, and see what sticks to the wall.<br />
<br />
<br />
<h3>
The original post: One of those "XX Things You Shouldn't Do on FaceBook"</h3>
<br />
In fact, I agreed with most of the "things" the author cited.<br />
<br />
But the complaint with which she led off, was that when it was a holiday, like Fathers Day or Mothers Day, (or, presumably, Christmas, Rosh Hashanah, Groundhogs Day, etc.) when everybody is posting and sharing great pictures of their families and celebrating in a massive warm community glow of ain't life <i>wonderful</i>, a few people will dare to post rather contrary, painful statements on their (own) FaceBook pages, which then appear in her news feed. Things like <i>this, </i>that harshed her happy vibe.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://midlifeboulevard.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/mothersday.jpg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://midlifeboulevard.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/mothersday.jpg.jpg" height="424" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><strike>Stolen</strike> Borrowed from <a href="http://midlifeboulevard.com/what-not-to-post-on-facebook/" target="_blank">the original post</a>.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
The blog author's suggestion was that if holidays are triggering for you, maybe you should stay off FaceBook altogether during that time, but if you <i>are </i>on, you should suck it up. That it's not <i>nice </i>to be posting your hurts, which spoil the happytimes for other people.<br />
<br />
<br />
Now, I get it. I've never liked pain, or feeling uncomfortable - who does? Avoid it whenever possible. And it feels really, really uncomfortable to be faced with another person's naked pain when <i>I </i>am feeling very good.<br />
<br />
What can we do for that person, anyway? We might reply to their comment with some lame "I'm so sorry; wishing you the best in this difficult time." Or maybe we feel somewhat guilty or privileged about our own good fortune, but don't have the time or energy spend the 30 seconds to do that, so we just move on and feel slightly resentful of her (or him, but we know it's usually a her) for "making" us feel bad.<br />
<br />
Maybe even write a blog post chiding them for their violation of social media etiquette.<br />
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<br />
<h3>
Branding Does Need To Be A Factor</h3>
<br />
Also, there's the issue of branding, if you are trying to make a name or create a brand for yourself. I heard one agent speak about the dangers of oversharing on the Internet. When she went to one potential author's blog, she noticed a small icon in the sidebar that made her curious. She clicked on it, and it led to a site that supported mothers who'd lost a child to stillbirth. She said, frankly, it made her feel "weird" knowing that about the author, and cautioned us to never put anything political, controversial, or too personal in our blogs or social media interactions (but always to make sure to blog and interact with an authentic "voice," lol).<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Debbie_Downer.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: clear:right;"><img alt="Debbie Downer" border="0" class="zemanta-img-inserted" height="188" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/8c/Debbie_Downer.PNG" style="border: none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="241" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 241px;">Debbie Downer (Photo credit: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Debbie_Downer.PNG" target="_blank">Wikipedia</a>)</td></tr>
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People don't want to read someone who is Debbie Downer all the time. So yes, if social media is a part of a larger public relations effort, we should <i>always </i>consider whether what we are writing and blogging reflects the persona we want to show the world.<br />
<br />
While I applauded that agent's honesty, and have enjoyed conversing with her at various events - she's <i>really </i><strike>nice</strike><i> </i>friendly and pleasant - I also crossed her off the list of people I could ever imagine working with.<br />
<br />
Because I <i>do </i>blog from time to time about the hard, painful stuff, about sexual morals, and rape, and racism, and other things that make people feel uncomfortable. This is part of <i>my </i>brand. (Although, hopefully, people don't feel like this blog and my other social media interactions are <i>consistently </i>negative in tone or mood.)<br />
<br />
<br />
<h3>
<strike>Mean</strike> <strike>Girls</strike> Nice Women All Agree, Right?</h3>
<br />
Or at least, they'd like to <i>convince</i> us nice women all agree. Here's the problem: the "We don't talk about <i>that </i>in public" agreement is a big part of what contributes to rape culture and the social isolation of people who are different. It doesn't matter whether that difference is being motherless or having an unloving mother on Mothers Day, being raped by a schoolmate and shunned by schoolmates, having a disability, being LGBT... There is a constant stream of spoken and unspoken messages to those who are different which say that if you speak out or write about it "too much," it's like you are stealing the other kid's balloon and popping it out of spite. <i>Why can't you pretend to be like everyone else?</i><br />
<br />
I'm sure that the author of that post would claim that it's not that she's telling people to be <i>silent</i>; just not to make such a fuss on those days when everyone else in the world (or so it seems) is celebrating.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, those are often the days those in pain most need to reach out to their own social networks for support.<br />
<br />
I don't, mostly, post the gory intimate details of my personal life on FaceBook, but I know people who do. My sister, for one, is garnering a great deal of strength and support from posting about her thoughts and feelings as she battles cancer, and, in past months, as she fought (unsuccessfully) for her husband's life. Somebody should tell <i>her </i>to check a calendar before she posts, because it's not "nice" to "make" people who are celebrating Mothers Day feel a twinge of discomfort?<br />
<br />
I. Don't. Think. So.<br />
<br />
<br />
<h3>
Differences Can Separate, But Can Also Bring Together</h3>
<br />
FaceBook and other social media are supposed to be ways that <i>connect </i>people. It can be absolutely empowering to meet and interact with other people, even from a distance, who share something unusual: maybe it's a love of stamp-collecting, maybe it's being left-handed in a right handed world. Maybe it's grieving a loved one from an atheistic or agnostic religious viewpoint (there's a great FaceBook group for that, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/faithfreegriefsupport" target="_blank">Grief Beyond Belief</a>).<br />
<br />
Sometimes you have friends who share a common wound that you don't even realize, until one of you shares something about it on, yep, <i>social media.</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<h3>
My Feelings Are My Business; Your Feelings Are <i>Your </i>Business</h3>
<br />
I know, I know, many people pride themselves on empathy. That they can't <i>help </i>feeling other people's pain, and maybe that's where the conspiracy of STFU comes from. I used to feel that way, too.<br />
<br />
But as I am learning, that's not a healthy way to live. Empathy is good, but a <i>healthy </i>way to have empathy is to be touched by and understanding of someone else's pain, <i>not </i>to be drowning in it. That's <i>enmeshment</i>.<br />
<br />
It's not healthy to get in a swivet about other people's expressions of grief or joy or fear or whatever, or to try to control where or how they express their emotions because <i>you </i>feel uncomfortable with them.<br />
<br />
<br />
<h3>
We're All In This Together</h3>
<br />
Today, all kinds of things happened: somebody's baby died, somebody got the news their house was destroyed by fire, somebody else got married or promoted or won the lottery. Somehow, we have to learn to live with the tragedies and triumphs of other people, all the time.<br />
<br />
One of the wonderful things my <a href="http://www.lararwa.com/" target="_blank">local RWA chapter</a> does is we celebrate successes <i>and </i>failures at our monthly meeting. You get applause and small tokens for good news - an agent signs you, you finish a manuscript, you get a book contract; and you get applause, sympathy and a chocolate truffle for rejection, <b><i>because those, too, are part of the writing journey.</i></b><br />
<br />
If being "nice" means telling other people they shouldn't express their pain or joy or whatever on FaceBook, because it would spoil my mood, then I hope I'm <i>never </i>a nice person.<br />
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<i>Do you resent when people share painful things when you're in a happy mood?</i></div>
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<i>Do you agree that people should censor themselves on social media during "special" days?</i></div>
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<i>Your thoughts?</i></div>
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Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-8555331591319642412014-04-07T07:06:00.002-07:002024-03-08T14:42:23.928-08:00Slut of the Month: Mae West<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://i2.wp.com/bluelagoondesigns.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/mae-west.jpg?fit=300%2C300" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://i2.wp.com/bluelagoondesigns.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/mae-west.jpg?fit=300%2C300" height="400" width="286" /></a></div>
<h3>
Brazen. Bold. Bawdy. </h3>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: red; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: red; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;"><i>I made myself platinum, <br />but I was born a dirty blonde.</i></span></div>
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Tillie, a Bavarian wanna-be model/actress, and Battlin' Jack West, a sometime boxer and more frequent street brawler, named their pretty blue-eyed daughter Mary Jane. Born in <a class="zem_slink" href="http://maps.google.com/maps?ll=40.6247222222,-73.9522222222&spn=0.1,0.1&q=40.6247222222,-73.9522222222%20(Brooklyn)&t=h" rel="geolocation" target="_blank" title="Brooklyn">Brooklyn, New York</a>, on 17 August 1893, a few years after Katie was born and died, the precocious, outgoing baby girl was doted on by both parents, even after the arrival of a sister, and later, a brother.<br />
<br />
Battlin' Jack took his little girl to the gym (possibly where Mae developed her lifelong crush on boxers and muscle men), and stage mother Tillie enrolled her in dance class and amateur night at the local burlesque theaters, where "Baby Mae" often won.<br />
<br />
Mae began performing in Vaudeville in the Hal Clarendon Stock Company at the age of 14, with Tillie as costumer, watchful chaperone, and business manager. At 17, while away from her mother's protective supervision, and touring the Midwest as part of a performing duo with Frank Wallace, a dancer, Mae secretly (and illegally, lying about her age on the marriage certificate), married her partner.<br />
<br />
Later, she would deny the marriage had ever occurred, until forced to concede differently, and always insisted they'd never lived together as husband and wife. Certainly they separated at the end of the summer of 1911, and there's no indication they ever saw each other again. According to some accounts, they divorced in 1920; but they weren't officially divorced until 1942.<br />
<br />
She never remarried and never had children, nor did she seem to miss them. In fact, she even refused parts in films where she would have had to <i>portray </i>a mother, however juicy the role. What is evident is that Mae was no fan of traditional marriage and its trappings.<br />
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<i style="font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px;"><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.</span></i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<br />
<h3>
Chastity? Who Needs It?</h3>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation <br />and never missed it.</span></i></span></div>
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According to one account, Mae ditched her virginity at age 13, to a 21-year-old actor who made love to her on the stairs of the vestibule. In another account, she said her first orgasm came via a dream where a large brown bear first entered her bedroom, and then entered <i>her.</i> (Was she, perhaps, molested?)<br />
<br />
However it came about, clearly Mae developed a strong appetite for sex, early on, that never waned.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">Good sex is like good bridge. <br />If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.</span></i></span></div>
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<h3>
From Vaudeville to Broadway to Jail to Hollywood</h3>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: red; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: red; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: large; line-height: 18px;"><i>I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.</i></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14.44444465637207px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
At the end of 1911, Mae got a part in her first Broadway show, a comedy review called <i>A La Broadway</i>, which folded after eight performances. The show might have failed, but West impressed the Broadway Shubert brothers enough to score a role in <i>Vera Violetta</i> (which featured Al Jolson).<br />
<br />
Eventually, Mae began writing her own material (as Jane Mast), and in 1926 opened a Broadway play called <i>Sex, </i>which brought down the vice squad, arresting her and most of the cast. She served eight days "in the slammer," with two off for good behavior, and was a model prisoner according to the warden. She next planned and began producing a play called <i>Drag </i>about homosexuality, which threatened to be more provocative yet. But although it did well in Connecticut and was a New Jersey hit, the threat of further prosecution dissuaded her from bringing it to New York.<br />
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Mae produced several other plays, and her Gay Nineties-themed <i>Diamond Lil</i> became a Broadway smash.<br />
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Hollywood took notice. In 1932, at the almost geriatric age of 39 (geriatric for a movie newcomer, and not that Mae admitted her age), she made a memorable appearance in <i>Night after Night</i>, then headlined and co-wrote 1933's <i>She Done Him Wrong</i>, featuring a young actor on his way up to do more than see her sometime, Cary Grant. That Academy Award nominated film is credited with saving Paramount Pictures from bankruptcy. Her next picture, <i>I'm No Angel</i> (again pairing her with Cary Grant) was also a blockbuster. By 1935, the only person pulling in more money that year was newspaper magnate William Randolph Hearst.<br />
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<br />
<h3>
A Hard Man is Good to Find</h3>
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But Mae certainly found plenty of them. Besides her not-really-a-husband, there was Italian-born <a class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guido_Deiro" rel="wikipedia" target="_blank" title="Guido Deiro">Guido Deiro</a>, another vaudeville performer, and star of the piano-accordion, with whom she had a hot-and-heavy affair from 1913-1916. She had moved to Hollywood in the 1930's with her lover/business manager Jim Timony, who was extremely jealous, but she found ways to sneak other men into her apartment at the Ravenswood. She was partial to boxers, like African-American <a class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gorilla_Jones" rel="wikipedia" target="_blank" title="Gorilla Jones">Gorilla Jones</a>, and musclemen like wrestler/Mr. California Paul Novak (born Chester Rybinski), 30 years younger, who became her lover when she was 61, and who lived with her until her death in 1980 at age 87.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span><br />
<h3>
Her Material Wasn't Always Original</h3>
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Mae <strike>stole</strike> borrowed everything, from her bawdy persona (modeled after Eva Tanguay, a vaudeville sensation, and Texas Guinan, a blowsy, hand-on-her-hip owner of a popular speak-easy) to making her act primarily about double <i>entendres</i>, derived from African-American vaudeville star Bert Williams. She also performed a dance called "The Shimmy" based on dancing she'd seen in Chicago "colored" nightclubs.<br />
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But anything Mae got her hips around, er, her <i>lips </i>around, became <b>hers</b>. Despite the impression she liked to give, her one-liners were never spontaneous, but creations she labored over, leaving an archive of well over 2,000 pages of notes just on one-liners alone, plus reams more of story ideas, play drafts, and other writings. Queen of one-liners, she coined or polished phrases that are still popular today, and used by people who have no idea of their Mae West connection. She found a way of twisting the most innocuous lines to make them provocative, and as for material that was smutty to begin with...<br />
<br />
She may have done more than any other individual to horrify the pearl-clutchers and rush the Hays Office (founded to regulate "indecency" in motion pictures) into overdrive, resulting in her eventual downfall as a movie star. Her entire shtick was built around double <i>entendres</i>. With her material censored so heavily, there was little remaining of the Mae West wit that movie goers flocked to hear, and the movies she made after 1934, with the exception of 1940's <i>My Little Chickadee</i>, did poorly at the box office. She and several other big name stars were dubbed <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Box_Office_Poison_(magazine_article)" target="_blank">Box Office Poison</a> in an advertorial by Harry Brandt.<br />
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<a href="http://oofva.com/qotd/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/It-isnt-what-I-do-but-how-I-do-it.-It-isnt-what-I-say-but-how-I-say-it-and-how-I-look-when-I-do-it-and-say-it.-Mae-West.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://oofva.com/qotd/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/It-isnt-what-I-do-but-how-I-do-it.-It-isnt-what-I-say-but-how-I-say-it-and-how-I-look-when-I-do-it-and-say-it.-Mae-West.png" height="474" width="640" /></a></div>
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<br />
<h3>
Goodness Had Everything To Do With Mae</h3>
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Except as required in film roles, Mae never smoked, and she wasn't a drinker, either. Nor was she fond of men (besides her father) who indulged in those vices.<br />
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She might've made bundles of money, but she gave much of it away, mostly anonymously. Whenever she got a new limo, the old one was passed down to a local convent. Of Jewish descent through her mother, raised (somewhat) Protestant, Mae donated generously to, and sometimes attended Catholic, Protestant, and Jewish services, though her own spiritual leanings were more towards spiritualism, and she was a fan of seances.<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.</span></i></span></div>
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She also used her influence to get many vaudeville performers, now down on their luck, paying roles in the talkies, and was extremely generous with her lovers, many of them up-and-coming boxers. She was the main source of support for her sister Beverly and baby brother, John, and was devastated when her mother died in 1930, though when Battlin' Jack died in 1935, she kept filming after only a short break.<br />
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</h3>
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<h3>
She Was No Angel</h3>
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<i><span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px;">Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right <br />and you can walk all over </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px;">them for years.</span></span></i></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>Mae apparently did <i>not </i>lay her directors. Most of them hated her for: 1) keeping theatre hours on a movie set (arriving late, working late), and 2) insisting on rewriting her lines or changing the lighting, often <i>as </i>scenes were being filmed. Mae believed that each movie, each scene, was all about <i>her</i>, and to hell with the idea of story or continuity or shooting schedule. Still, every story about her mentions her tireless work ethic, regardless of the medium (stage, screen, radio, etc.) in which she was performing.<br />
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To Mae, truth was whatever she wanted it to be. She frequently shaved years off her age, claimed never to diet (she did), never to have had a professional failure (she had several big ones), and while a great proponent of daily sex (and daily enemas, ew!), expressed stern disapproval of adultery (hers, apparently, did not count). She wore wigs to disguise the loss of her hair, and wore extreme corsets to obtain that hourglass figure, plus padding in strategic places, along with platform shoes to add height. She took lovers as it pleased her, usually while happily deceiving her current boyfriend that he was her one and only.<br />
<br />
Ultimately, she was honest about her life philosophy.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">I never loved another person the way I loved myself.</span></i></span></div>
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<h3>
She Never Retired Gracefully</h3>
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While she might not have worked in the movie industry for a span of decades, Mae traveled to the UK and did plays, appeared on radio shows (one getting her into much hot water), and even recorded a couple of rock albums. She wrote (and later updated) her autobiography, <i>Goodness Had Nothing to Do with It</i>, and did a Vegas stage show surrounded by mancandy where she met Paul Novak, her last steady boyfriend... She also believed that she still looked 26, even into her eighties, and was mortally offended when people didn't help her maintain the fiction that they thought so, too.<br />
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Mae probably shouldn't have done her last film, <i>Sextette</i>, filmed in 1976. Stories say she had to have a speaker in her wig read her the lines, and a production assistant crawling below the camera shot to move her around the stage, that she was disoriented and forgetful. While her next-to-last film, <i>Myra Breckinridge</i>, has achieved cult popularity, consensus is that <i>Sextette </i>is merely awful, and not in a fun, campy way.<br />
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In 1980 Mae suffered a stroke, followed by complications, then a second stroke, and died shortly thereafter. She was entombed in the family crypt she'd purchased in Brooklyn, along with her parents, her brother John who died in 1964, and her sister Beverly, who only outlived her by a year and a few months.<br />
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Mae was also outlived by:<br />
<ul>
<li>Slang for life jackets = "Mae Wests"</li>
<li>The cover of the Beatles' Lonely Hearts Club Band album</li>
<li>Salvador Dali's Mae West Lips Sofa</li>
<li>A statue at Hollywood & La Brea in Los Angeles (also commemorating other leading ladies of cinema)</li>
<li>A star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame at 1560 Vine Street.</li>
</ul>
<br />
Dozens of witty one-liners. Here's a few more:<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="color: red;"><b>You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.</b></span></i></span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="color: red;"><b>I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.</b></span></i></span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="color: red;"><b>An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.</b></span></i></span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="color: red;"><b>He's a self-made man, and he worships his creator.</b></span></i></span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="color: red;"><b>Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.</b></span></i></span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="color: red;"><b>Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.</b></span></i></span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="color: red;"><i style="color: black; text-align: center;"><span style="color: red;"><b>Marriage is a great institution but I'm not ready for an institution.</b></span></i></span></i></span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="color: red;"><b>To err is human - but it feels divine.</b></span></i></span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="color: red;"><b>Pretended virtue is the worst vice.</b></span></i></span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="color: red;"><b>When women go wrong, men go right after them.</b></span></i></span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia, serif; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="color: red;"><b>Too much of a good thing can be wonderful!</b></span></i></span></li>
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<b>Past Sluts: Go to the <a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/p/for-sluts-only.html" target="_blank">For Sluts Only</a> page for links to past sluts in this series.</b><br />
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<br />
<i> Are you a Mae West fan?<br />What's your favorite Mae West quote?</i><br />
<i>Your thoughts?</i></div>
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Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-85136117742601224902014-04-03T08:25:00.000-07:002014-04-03T08:25:15.300-07:00Can't Write? Don't Give Up<div style="text-align: right;">
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Many experts tell us: Write Every Day, Write Every Day. If you want to be successful as an Author, You <i>must </i>Write Every Day.<br />
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But what if you <b style="font-style: italic;">can't? </b>What if evil circumstances in your life are firmly <strike>cock</strike> writer-blocking you from getting up-close-and-personal with your muse?<br />
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Yeah, yeah, I know Lauren Hillenbrand labored on while disabled by <a class="zem_slink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chronic_fatigue_syndrome" rel="wikipedia" target="_blank" title="Chronic fatigue syndrome">chronic fatigue syndrome</a>, other writers scratched out a sentence or a paragraph of their novels every single day. If what was going on with me was <i>me</i>, was my own physical ailments or broken heart or whatever, I could deal, but it's not me, it's my family.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf_wtGkV1BEofEXodm4AYSmuoJ2IYLUJqSpdYLCmZ08lLxuILT0WFJ0JzrZ8W8kVyijRHLKYOdwlT-Ad8vhDw1txquTHnZ4NCEMThw2ZJokC9QX0235v76A3lKH1EFpyY6ZJ4vKqK_N9Bh/s1600/Bobbie+&+Jim+at+Dry+Meadow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf_wtGkV1BEofEXodm4AYSmuoJ2IYLUJqSpdYLCmZ08lLxuILT0WFJ0JzrZ8W8kVyijRHLKYOdwlT-Ad8vhDw1txquTHnZ4NCEMThw2ZJokC9QX0235v76A3lKH1EFpyY6ZJ4vKqK_N9Bh/s1600/Bobbie+&+Jim+at+Dry+Meadow.jpg" height="426" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My sis and her hubs, at their favorite place, not so very long ago.</td></tr>
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<br />
<h3>
The Crises</h3>
<br />
For those of you not following this blog (or actually having your own life), the Cliffnotes:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>My sister has a serious form of cancer, with a not-so-great survival rate (28%).</li>
<li>Days after going through extensive surgery for said cancer (early December), her husband had a major stroke.</li>
<li>Following said stroke, his liver, which was already impaired, began failing. Taking his kidneys with it.</li>
<li>We've had the "This Looks Like The End" convo with doctors regarding him at least twice a month for the last five months, and grieved accordingly. Then he's rallied or stabilized... until the next time.</li>
<li>Months in the hospital (for him), followed by weeks at (temporary) home, which requires 24/7 attendance for him, and he gets two hospice visits a week (plus call, and the hospice people have been great). We are currently in another phase of "This <i>Really </i>Looks Like The End," as he doesn't want to leave his bed or eat. (But we've been here before, too. Do we grieve? Do we <i>not </i>grieve? If anybody's got tips on how to manage that trick, I'd love to hear 'em.)</li>
<li>Chemotherapy from hell continues for my poor sister, requiring shots, blood transfusions, and endless prune juice cocktails, though hopefully, she is almost on the other side of chemo... provided there is no recurrence.</li>
</ul>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 247px;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/End-Unfortunate-Events-Book-13/dp/0064410161%3FSubscriptionId%3D0G81C5DAZ03ZR9WH9X82%26tag%3Dzemanta-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D0064410161" target="_blank">Cover via Amazon</a></td></tr>
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<br />
Other family members have experienced minor inconveniences like major car accidents, out-of-nowhere onset of bi-polar mania with psychosis, and other challenges. No, we're not the Baudelaire family from Lemony Snicket, and as far as I know, nobody's pissed off a gypsy.<br />
<br />
<br />
<h3>
What I Did On Winter Vacation... and Spring Break</h3>
<br />
I feel very blessed in my family, who are loving and supportive and awesome, despite our current trials & tribulations. I also feel exhausted, physically and emotionally, and <i>I'm</i> not the one burdened with the heavy lifting. My role has been assisting several nights a week while my BIL was in the hospital, helping to cover on the weekends, and schlepping family to-and-from the airport. Plus my 40+ hours full time job, which has been in its busiest season.<br />
<br />
This has not left much time or energy for writing. For an analogy of what's been going on in my brain and heart, I feel like my foot is encased in a large cement block.<br />
<br />
And that somebody shot me in the other leg.<br />
<br />
Weighted down, dull and draggy, alternating with stabs of acute pain.<br />
<br />
<br />
<h3>
I Soldier On, <i>But</i>...</h3>
<br />
I simply don't have the attention or focus to work on my novels right now.<br />
<br />
I think of those works, wistfully. Sometimes I have dreams about them. I know that some people can write novels when all on the same day, their house is on fire and their husband just came out as gay and a dingo stole their baby, and kudos to those who can swing it, but I'm not one of that tribe.<br />
<br />
I've tried. It just ain't there.<br />
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<br />
<h3>
Evernote and My Steno Pad Are My Besties</h3>
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I'm still (occasionally) writing a short piece, or my Slut of the Month posts. Book reviews. And whenever, wherever I get an idea, I jot it down. Sometimes it's for one of my novels, sometimes it's for a new project, sometimes it's for a blog post. When I have free lunch minutes, I'll transfer my notes from paper to Evernote. (Or make 'em directly into Evernote if I've got WiFi.)<br />
<br />
Because I haven't given up on writing, it's just <i>postponed</i>. Even though the drama of the past seven months makes me feel like I have been living in crisis mode forever, I know that this, too, will end.<br />
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<br />
<h3>
Love Will Keep Me Together</h3>
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Self-love, that is, and I'm not talking about my vibrator collection. My family (and I) are depending on me to take care of myself, and <i>not </i>get into a car accident or otherwise break down. So I am eating healthy (plus some chocolate), and sleeping when I can (love my naps!), and when I do have an hour or so free, I am trying to spend it on this beautiful thing:<br />
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Because it would be too easy to just become a chocolate-eating lump and not do any cardio work.<br />
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1591797411/ref=as_li_ss_il?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1591797411&linkCode=as2&tag=wwwbeverlydie-20" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?_encoding=UTF8&ASIN=1591797411&Format=_SL110_&ID=AsinImage&MarketPlace=US&ServiceVersion=20070822&WS=1&tag=wwwbeverlydie-20" /></a><i></i><br />
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<i>And </i>I'm doing meditations. My ever-expanding Tara Brach collection has really helped me through this rough time, especially <i>this </i>audio program.<br />
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<img alt="" border="0" src="http://ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=wwwbeverlydie-20&l=as2&o=1&a=1591797411" height="1" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" />
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All those people who say that if you don't write every day, you are doomed (as a writer), I say <b><i>phooey </i></b>on them. I believe (maybe because I have to) that you <i>can </i>pick up where you left off, at least in terms of writing novels. Probably not without lots of effort, true. It does take more time to get in the groove once you've been away for a while.<br />
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But it can be done, it <i>has </i>been done by others, and as soon as life gives me the opportunity, <b>I plan on doing it.</b> <i>I'm</i> not giving up on me, and whatever your current writing roadblock, I encourage you not to give up on you, either.<br />
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<i>Have you ever taken an involuntary writing break?</i></div>
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<i>How did you get yourself back in the groove?</i></div>
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<i>Your thoughts?</i></div>
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Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-17251127467613757822014-02-17T05:30:00.000-08:002014-02-25T18:18:11.771-08:005 Reasons Bad Books Are Good For Us<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container zemanta-img" style="float: right; margin-right: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 320px;">Kale salad (Photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/44124427152@N01/4355782247" target="_blank">Salim Virji</a>)</td></tr>
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Are you a writer who hates reading bad books? Let me explain why, like kale (or so they tell me), bad books are actually <i>good </i>for us.<br />
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<h3>
1. Bad Books Give Us Hope</h3>
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Ever finish reading a fabulous book and be plunged into such deep despair you consider never trying to write again? <i>I will never, ever, be able to write anything near this brilliant,</i> we think. But when we read a <i>bad </i>book, especially one published through a big publishing house, we are all smug self-confidence. <i>I know I can turn out something that certainly ain't any worse than <b>this </b>train wreck</i><i>.</i><br />
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2. Bad Books Fight Book Hoarding</h3>
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Do you have shelves filled to overflowing, stacks of books here, there, and everywhere, that you can't bear to part with, because those books are your <i>favorites (</i>all three thousand of them)? Bad books, on the other hand, are quite easy to stuff in a bag to donate to your local charity.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 350px;">English: Stack of books in Gould's Book Arcade, Newtown, New South Wales (NSW), Australia. (Photo credit: <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Goulds_Book_Arcade_BookStack.jpg" target="_blank">Wikipedia</a>)</td></tr>
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<h3>
3. Bad Books Give Us Something to Rant About</h3>
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Let's face it, when we've been suckered into dropping our hard-earned cash on the latest blockbuster book that turns out to be a total waste of time and money <i>*cough* Girl with Dragon Tattoo* *cough*</i>, it ticks us off. And anger is one of those emotions that needs to be taken out for a walk from time to time. Most people suppress anger and swallow it in unhealthy ways, so having a legitimate target for our anger can be a very <i>good </i>thing.<br />
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Just be cautious re: ranting via an acidic book review on Goodreads or Amazon, if you ever want to make a connection with the author, his agents, or her editors.<br />
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<h3>
4. Bad Books Help Us Get Shit Done</h3>
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With a <i>great </i>book, we can't wait to race home from work and dive into it. We neglect everything else we "should" be doing, like housework, or our own writing, because we <i>have </i>to find out what happens next. We'll stay up into the wee hours of the night reading it, because we can't wait to find out how it ends.<br />
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Bad books let us put them down and get some sleep, have an actual <i>life</i>.<br />
<br />
When we're reading a bad book, we're more likely to say, "Let me just write this blog post first," or "Another ten pages on the MS before I go back to reading," or, more rarely, "I think the vacuum cleaner is calling my name."<br />
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<h3>
5. Bad Books Teach Us How <i>Not </i>to Write</h3>
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Bad books often teach us more about the craft of writing than good books do.<br />
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Plodding plotting? Dreadful dialogue? Typo typhoons?<br />
<br />
With <i>bad </i>books, we can gleefully pick apart why they didn't work. The main character didn't have any. There was so much head-hopping we needed Dramamine to quell the nausea. The sex scenes were about as erotic as a visit to the gynecologist, only with less lube.<br />
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Often I've read something that jumped out at me as terrible writing, and the <i>second </i>thing that jumped out at me, along with a flush of shame, was, "Holy rejection letter, Batman, <i>I </i>do this too!"<br />
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<br />
<br />
So there <i>is </i>value not only in the <i>existence </i>of bad books, but in actually <i>reading </i>them.<br />
<br />
Just not too many of them in a row, please.<br />
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<i><br />
</i></div>
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<i>Have you ever experienced that sinking feeling, of seeing some blunder in a crappy book </i><br />
<i>and realizing that you do the same thing in your own writing?</i></div>
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<i>What have <b>you </b>learned from bad books?</i></div>
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Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-29897988882076165282014-02-03T05:00:00.000-08:002014-02-14T08:20:01.458-08:00Slut of the Month: Saartje (Sara) Baartman<div style="text-align: right;">
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<h3>
Orphan. Widow. Slave. "Hottentot Venus."</h3>
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The tragic story as spun by many is that Saartje Baartman was a young African woman, ripped from her land and her people, exhibited to staring, pointing and laughing crowds as a freak with a huge derriere, who ended her life as a penniless prostitute, dying alone in Paris, far from home. After her lonely death, her body was ravaged by curiosity seeker who cut out and put her genitalia in a jar, and her skeleton on display, for almost two hundred years.</div>
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<h3>
Victim of Racism and Sexism? Or a Bootylicious Bawse Before Her Time?</h3>
When I first heard Sara's name and various variations of her story, I wept with shame and pain for this beautiful young woman, and the way she was treated.<br />
<br />
And yet. As I began researching this piece, my preconceived notions about her history got turned on their head. Maybe what we "know," or think we know, about the life of Saartje Baartman and how <i>she </i>felt about it becomes distorted by the lens we see her through.<br />
<br />
Saartje (pronounced Saar-key, with a rolled R) makes a handy symbol for whatever point we want to make: the evils of colonialism, the sexual exploitation of women, the fetishizing of women of color...<br />
<br />
But like all human beings, <i>Saartje was much more than just a symbol</i>. She was a living, breathing, beautiful and unique woman, with joys, sorrows, fears, pleasures, flaws and strengths. Yep, she was illiterate; so were many other people of the time, male and female alike. Being illiterate is <i>not </i>the same thing as being naive or stupid. Saartje had the intelligence to learn more than one language, played more than one musical instrument, and appears to have had much free agency in determining where she went and what she did, right down to helping develop her four-hour stage performance, to meeting (and charming) Dukes and dignitaries.<br />
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Some facts:<br />
<ul>
<li>Birth: Around 1789.</li>
<li>Her people - Khoisan (Eastern South Africa) aka Hottentots (if you want to be insulting).</li>
<li>Captured (Rescued?) by Pieter Willem Cesars, a free black/mixed race hunter/trader, after her father (and fiance?) was killed. </li>
<li>Skin Color: Honey (according to black history pages and contemporary illustrations), <i>not </i>the deeper brown as displayed in advertising caricatures of her.</li>
<li>Her height: about 4'7".</li>
<li>Her body: steatopygic (excess fat stored in buttocks).</li>
<li>Lived: Servant in Cape Town to Hendrik Cesars (brother of Pieter) and his wife Anna Catharina, also a free black, later serving as wetnurse to their adopted daughter.</li>
<li>Performed and exhibited in Piccadilly, London, beginning 1810.</li>
<li>Exhibited: France, beginning around September 1814.</li>
<li>Languages: Her native tongue(s), plus fluent Afrikaans ("low" Dutch), passable English, some French</li>
<li>Death: 29 December 1815 (age 25-26), in France.</li>
<li>Skeleton, brain, and genitals: Placed on display in Paris until 1974. After requests from South African President Nelson Mandela, and later by President Thabo Mbecki, Saartje's remains were returned to South Africa and buried on 9 August 2002.</li>
</ul>
In Rachel Holmes' <i>African Queen</i>, it suggests that Saartje had a lover or husband among the regimental drummers attached to the British Capetown regiment. Some sources say Irish, others say Negro, or perhaps West Indian. She continued to work for the Cesars, and wetnurse their adopted daughter, but lived with her drummer for two years, until their baby (no sources reveal the gender) died. Then she and her lover split up, and she moved back in with the Cesars.<br />
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Hendrik Cesars was employed by a surgeon attached to the local British regiment, Alexander Dunlop, who also had a sideline of exporting exotic animals to Europe. When Dunlop was relieved of his post after a dispute with the government over reimbursement for treating local women infected with venereal diseases, it meant the livelihood of Hendrik Cesars, and all his dependents, was at risk.<br />
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Somehow, a plan was hatched to smuggle Saartje to England (Hottentots could not leave the country without an authorization from the governor), and exhibit her as a curiosity there. Later, she expressed her belief that she had been promised she could return to her home country, rich. Was she duped into making the journey, threatened into it, or did she go willingly, even eagerly?<br />
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<h3>
The Reality TV Show of the 18th Century</h3>
In this period, many people transformed an unusual body feature or deformation from a liability into an income-generating asset.<br />
<br />
from <i>African Queen</i>:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Siamese twins and albino children (advertised as "White Negroes") were paraded at street fairs throughout the eighteenth century. In June 1810, a West Indian child advertised as "the Piebald Boy" was put on shoe in the Strand. Those who suspected he was painted were invited to scratch or rub him on the promise that they would soon find out he was genuinely mottled. Other popular freak shows in the area included "the Fasting Woman of Tetbury"; fifty stone Daniel Lambert, or Fat Dan, the fattest man who ever lived; Frenchman Claude Ambroise Seurat, "the Living Skeleton," conversely the thinnest, and nineteen-and-a-half-inch Caroline Crachami, the miniature "Sicilian Fairy."</blockquote>
Saartje was not the only African person in London at the time, nor was she the only person of the Khoisan present. So, how to make her appear exotic, dangerous, and different?<br />
<br />
In the heart of Piccadilly, Saartje was <i>not </i>chained, caged, exhibited naked, though her ?manager? ?owner? sought to give that impression. She wore a tightly fitted, flesh-colored (I am presuming <i>her </i>flesh-colored) body stocking, with much jewelry arranged at neck, wrists and ankles so as to disguise where the garment ended and Saartje began. She also smoked a pipe. (Personal preference, or for the shock effect, since few women in Europe openly smoked?) There was an extensive stage set: painted wooden flats depicting the landscape and flora of Africa, and a faux grass hut, from which Saartje would emerge, at the beginning of her performance.<br />
<br />
And it <i>was </i>a performance, lasting <b><i>four hours at a time</i></b> (imagine Bruce Springsteen, only without a backup band). Saartje sang folk and popular songs in Khoi, Afrikaans, and English, playing her own instruments, and dancing. She wore stage makeup. Contemporary sources say she had a pleasing voice, but was an even better musician.<br />
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Saartje was skilled on the <i>ramkie </i>(kind of a tin-can guitar, featured in the YouTube video, below), and the <i>mamokhorong</i>, a single-stringed violin.<br />
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<span style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Saartje was not of the tribe or skin color of these musicians, </span></span><br />
<span style="text-align: start;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">but the <i>ramkie </i>she played </span></span><span style="font-size: x-small; text-align: start;">may have sounded like the one in this video.</span></div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/kR4ldBWNW24" width="420"></iframe><br /></div>
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<h3>
Let's Be Honest. They Were There for the Sex (Organs)</h3>
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It is true that, according to urban legend, women of the Khoisan had exaggerated, elongated labia, and undoubtedly many people flocked to see Saartje in hopes of glimpsing hers. Her stage name "Hottentot Venus" and her costume played up the sexual connotation, accenting her groin area with an apron featuring pearly beads, hide, and feathers.<br />
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Later, Saartje would be offered large bribes by French naturalists, if only she would lift her modesty apron and show them her genitals. She refused to do so (and was, apparently, free to refuse).<br />
<br />
Were there times she was touched and poked in the fundament by the curious? Yes, but we must remember, this was a time when most human curiosities were touched and poked - such as the "Piebald Boy," above. (At least nobody was permitted to <i>scratch </i>her.) Saartje <i>also </i>took carriage rides around St. James Park.<br />
<br />
Now, it's certainly possible that Saartje was a naive victim who Had No Idea the crowds were interested in her crotch, her booty, or her presumably dark and dangerous sexuality. Perhaps she would've been shocked, shocked! and humiliated by that revelation.<br />
<br />
It is also possible that this young woman, who had taken a lover, borne a child, and worked as a domestic servant, was totally "in on it," even cynical or jaded about this mysterious sexual fascination she was supposed to embody. If these English fools wanted to get titillated by something so silly, something she had <i>no </i>intention of ever revealing, let 'em go for it, laughing all the way to the bank.<br />
<br />
And it's possible Saartje felt something in between, or sometimes one way, and sometimes another.<br />
<br />
<h3>
It's Complicated...</h3>
<br />
What does it mean that we often assume female p0rn actors, reality show stars, exotic dancers, musicians, and "curiosities" are being exploited, and we rarely assume the same thing about their male counterparts? Do we really think women are not as smart as men?<br />
<br />
I used to have very strong ideas about the adult movie industry, and then I did some work for a popular director/producer, went on the sets, and talked with dozens of 'talent,' male and female, as well as grips, camerapeople, production assistants. All my preconceived notions about how exploitative p0rn was of women flew right out the window. Was/is there abuse and exploitation that occurred in the industry, if not on my friend's sets? Absolutely, but there was <i>also </i>free agency, delight in notoriety and good performances, pride in a job well-done, friendships and camaraderie among people in the industry, and often (if not always), genuine sexual pleasure. No woman ever expressed to me that she felt victimized or exploited, though yes, there were days they didn't want to come to work, as it were.<br />
<br />
When I think about <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/General_Tom_Thumb" target="_blank">General Tom Thumb</a>, or the family from <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0782374/?ref_=ttpl_pl_tt" target="_blank">Little People, Big World</a>, I don't think "victim," I think they were making the best of the cards life dealt to them. The arguments made by Dunlop, "has she not as good a right to exhibit herself as an Irish Giant, or a Dwarf &c, &c?" may not be without merit.<br />
<br />
This was an age (and still is, if you consider reality TV as the modern equivalent of the touring freak show) where being on display as a curiosity could earn an unusual-looking man or woman a great deal more money than employment in a standard profession such as carpenter or seamstress.<br />
<br />
On the other hand, women have often lived in terrible circumstances where they <i>are </i>being exploited, or are victims of domestic violence and/or sexual slavery, and they truly need help. How do we make sure to offer a helping hand to those who need it, without being patronizing to those who don't <i>want </i>it?<br />
<br />
In the case of Saartje Baartman, it is indeed possible she felt and <i>was </i>horrifically exploited while she was alive, and cried into her pillow (if she had a pillow) every night. It is also possible that she shrugged a shoulder to acts we now consider dehumanizing, much as a movie star tolerates the talk show circuit and paparazzi as part of the cost of doing business, or a queen was once expected to give birth or move her bowels in a room full of people.<br />
<br />
My gut feeling is that sometimes Saartje felt exploited, and hated her life/job, especially towards the end of it, and other times, perhaps felt proud of her performances, and glad she wasn't scrubbing floors or carrying water any longer.<br />
<br />
<br />
<h3>
Here Comes The Judge</h3>
<br />
Slavery had been abolished in the United Kingdom at that time, and there was great political debate over the institution, and the role English citizens played in financing or profiting from it elsewhere, from the slave ships that brought Africans to the United States, to economic interests in the American South and West Indies.<br />
<br />
Zachary Macaulay was secretary and active member of the African Institute, an organization formed to "civilize and improve" Africa, and for "the entire and universal Abolition of the Slave Trade." Macauley and others became convinced that not only had Saartje been illegally smuggled out of her own country (true), but was in fact enslaved and abused by Cesars and Dunlop, her ostensible promoters/managers. There was a large "ick" factor about the not-so-hidden sexual nature of the "Hottentot Venus" program for Maccaulay, son of a Scottish priest, and also a member of the Society for the Suppression of Vice, and editor of the <i>Christian Observer</i> newspaper, which also took positions against dancing, theater, and novel-reading. From <i>African Queen</i>:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
The abolitionists understood that Saartjie, promoted as a semi-scientific ethnographic curiosity, offered sexual tourism dressed up as education. Buffed, powdered, lubricated with glistening oil, trussed in silk and cotton, adorned with feathers and beads, ethnically accessorized, face painted like a virgin sacrifice, Saartjie was got up as an embodied fetish, her costume designed to accentuate her supposed "idiosyncrasies and abnormalities." In Londoners' eyes she was the epitome of potent European fantasies about female African sexuality.</blockquote>
A battle for public opinion raged via letters and editorials in the local newspapers (which only boosted ticket sales). Many had seen Hendrik Cesars raise a cane towards Saartjie in a threatening manner, when she balked at performing while ill with the flu. (Serious abuse, or staged for dramatic effect?) In November 1810, the case was brought before the Court of the King's Bench in London. Legal counsel for the defendants (Cesars and Dunlop) suggested that Cesars be removed from the exhibition, and that a proper legal contract with Saartjie be drafted and signed.<br />
<br />
Whether there had been a previous verbal contract or not, the formal written contract would benefit Saartjie's prospects immensely. She and Dunlop visited a Dutch-speaking public notary, who translated and read the contract out loud in Dutch to her, twice. Saartje confirmed that she understood the contents and that it was to her satisfaction. Later that day, she was visited by representatives of both the African Institute and Dunlop and Cesars, along with two Afrikaans-speaking merchants, and questioned for about three hours regarding her contract, whether she displayed herself willingly or was coerced.<br />
<br />
When neither Dunlop nor Cesars were present in the room, Saartjie swore that she was indeed willing to perform (though she wanted warmer clothing, which she would receive), and that she expected to receive a portion of the profits. Could there be elements of duress, domestic violence, or Stockholm Syndrome influencing her statements, including the one that she did not wish to return to South Africa at that time? Absolutely. It is <i>also </i>possible that Saartjie meant what she said, and however rocky her relationship with Cesars or Dunlop might be, perhaps she felt "the devil you know" was better than these well-meaning strangers, because who knew what <i>their </i>hidden agenda might be, and whether they could be trusted. From <i>African Queen</i>:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Saartjie's response to the case brought on her behalf suggests a combination of naive obstinacy with sanguine practicality. The white wigs might argue over whether she was slave or freewoman, but Saartjie knew that she was seller and commodity in one, and must take care of herself.</blockquote>
The court case was decided in favor of the defendants, Dunlop and Cesars.<br />
<br />
The "Hottentot Venus" show closed in Piccadilly in May 1811 and went on the road, touring London, Brighton, and Bath. In December 1811, "Sarah Bartmann" was baptized at the Collegiate and Parish Church of Christ in Manchester. In July 1812, Alexander Dunlop died, and Saartjie would disappear from public view until 1814. Was she mourning? Married? Having another child? There were rumors, but no evidence of any of these things, nor even where she was living.<br />
<br />
<h3>
Bonjour, Paris!</h3>
<br />
It is unclear if Saartjie and Hendrik Cesars were lovers, business associates who remained in the same locale following the death of their mutual patron/promoter Dunlop, or whether following his death they had each gone their separate ways. What is clear is that in the summer of 1814, the "band had gotten back together," and La Vénus Hottentote show then moved to Paris, there to solicit interest of the Musée National d’Histoire Naturelle, and one of its preeminent board members, Georges Cuvier, for an exclusive preview.<br />
<br />
Saartjie was much less protected in Paris than she had been in the UK. Among other things, slavery was legal in France, its form of governance had recently gone from a Napoleonic empire to a restored monarchy (read: domestic turmoil), <i>and </i>while in England, Dunlop had served as a buffer between her and Hendrik Cesars. Now Cesars was all she had (and vice versa), though he had assumed the alias of Henry Taylor. And Saartjie was performing longer hours, from noon until six, then spending the evening soliciting more business by making the rounds of bars, cafés, restaurants, private parties... Still, she seemed happy. From <i>African Queen</i>:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
A transformation came over Saartjie in Paris. She became overwhelmingly amiable and ebullient onstage, and joked with her audience in Dutch and English. She danced with energy and her singing in "her own mother-tongue: charmed the Parisian critics. This behavior was ambiguous: was Saartje genuine cheerful, or was her exuberant jollity a mask for misery? Freed of Dunlop, she had a fuller share of her earnings, and the novelty of a new, warmer foreign city. Possibly she had a new lover; there were unsubstantiated press reports that she married in Paris. Yet Saartjie's greater engagement with her audiences heightened rather than lessened her aura of loneliness and isolation, and it suggested an increasingly cognac-fueled desperation at the realization that her circumstances were inescapable.</blockquote>
And then the performance hours were increased, from six hours a day, to <i>ten</i>. (In England it had been only <i>four</i>.) This took a serious toll on Saartjie's health, and she was again struggling with recurrent flu. Napoleon re-entered Paris (hello, governmental conflict!), and a showman named Réaux bought ?Saartjie herself? ?her contract? from Hendrik Cesars, who returned to Cape Town early in 1815, and following his death in 1841 left his wife two thousand ryks dollars. Did he abscond with money belonging not only to himself, but also to Saartjie, not only deserting a (possible) lover, but embezzling from a business partner? Or did he leave Saartjie with an equal share, and amass these funds amassed upon his return to South Africa?<br />
<br />
Whatever had been their relationship, however ethical or unethical his business dealings with her, once Cesars deserted her into Réaux's keeping, Saartjie lost heart, and would soon lose her life.<br />
<br />
<h3>
Life Model, Death Model</h3>
<br />
In spring of 1815, Saartjie was to pose for three days as a "life model" for a panel of scientists and artists associated with the Musée National d’Histoire Naturelle.<br />
<br />
On day one, Saartjie arrived wearing her stage costume, and refused to remove a stitch. Eventually she was persuaded to pose nude, but, with a handkerchief she held modestly over her genitals, switching it from hand to hand as fatigue forced her to shift position. Persuasion and bribery failed to convince her to remove it, though she was sketched by some as though she had.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8c/Sawtche_(_dite_Sarah_Saartjie_Baartman),_%C3%A9tudi%C3%A9e_comme_Femme_de_race_B%C3%B4chismann,_Histoire_Naturelle_des_Mammif%C3%A8res,_tome_II,_Cuvier,_Werner,_de_Lasteyrie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8c/Sawtche_(_dite_Sarah_Saartjie_Baartman),_%C3%A9tudi%C3%A9e_comme_Femme_de_race_B%C3%B4chismann,_Histoire_Naturelle_des_Mammif%C3%A8res,_tome_II,_Cuvier,_Werner,_de_Lasteyrie.jpg" height="303" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">via <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Sawtche_(_dite_Sarah_Saartjie_Baartman),_%C3%A9tudi%C3%A9e_comme_Femme_de_race_B%C3%B4chismann,_Histoire_Naturelle_des_Mammif%C3%A8res,_tome_II,_Cuvier,_Werner,_de_Lasteyrie.jpg" target="_blank">Wikipedia Commons</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
In late December 1815, Saartjie lost her life to (as <i>African Queen</i> tells it) a fatal combination of flue, bronchitis, and excessive drinking. Other sources suggest venereal disease (which I find unlikely) or other cause(s) of death. There is no evidence, rumors aside, that Saartjie ever became (or was pimped out as) a prostitute.<br />
<br />
Knowing of their <strike>prurient</strike> scientific interest, Réaux gave the Musée National d’Histoire Naturelle a heads up notice of Saartjie's death. It would appear that her body, rather than being humanely buried, was seized upon and bought, as a scientific curiosity by them, though French laws prohibited them doing so or dissecting her remains.<br />
<br />
They did it anyway.<br />
<br />
I am of two minds about this. On the one hand, I feel it was an outrageous violation of her humanity. On the other... The person most eager to cut out, examine, and preserve Saartjie's genitalia and brain was Georges Cuvier. He himself had his own body dissected and his brain preserved, after his death. My own parents donated their cadavers for medical research, and I have also designated that my own body, after any organ or skin donations that could benefit a living person be made, be donated for medical research. So I am not as horrified by the desecration of Saartjie's body after her death as some may be.<br />
<br />
Still. Saartjie did <i>not </i>will her body to be dissected and hoarded, skeleton, brain, and genitals, as Cuvier chose to treat hers. <i>She </i>did not anticipate that a mold would be made of her remains and placed on permanent display, as though she were a dinosaur or ape, rather than a human being.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
Handed over among her remains: her contract with Dunlop, her 1811 baptismal certificate, and a crumpled handkerchief.<br />
<br />
<h3>
Life After Death</h3>
<br />
For nearly two centuries, Saartjie's body cast, skeleton, brain and genitals were on display at Musée National d’Histoire Naturelle. In the 1970's, they were removed from exhibition. In 1994, newly elected South African president Nelson Mandela made the first request to have Saartjie's remains returned for burial. In May 2002, she was finally returned to her homeland, and buried on the banks of the Gamtoos River in August 2002, following a Khoisan cleansing and dressing ceremony. About two and a half thousand attended - there was music, dance, poetry...<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
</div>
<br />
<h3>
Saartjie's Legacy</h3>
<br />
Born a small woman, Saartjie became a huge symbol, so much so that the living woman has generally been eclipsed. In England and France, she stood for the dark and mysterious, primitive sexuality attributed to African women, but she was <i>also </i>often used in plays and cartoons as a political symbol. She was even depicted in a deck of playing cards. In South Africa and elsewhere, her story was used to illustrate the evils of colonialism, apartheid, racism, even body-hating, and, as referenced above, the fetishizing of women, generally women of color, with ethnic body variations.<br />
<br />
We now know that human beings can have <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2502477/Can-guess-sport-shape-Olympians-body.html" target="_blank">all kinds of body types and sizes, and still be fit</a>, <i>and </i>still be beautiful.<br />
<br />
However, there is a deep sense of cultural pain expressed by many women of color, about the long history of objectification of women's bodies, and of profits made primarily by white men, (but sometimes white women,) by exploiting the bodies and talents of people of color. Regardless of whether Saartje Baartman herself was a victim, a free agent, or something in between, the reality is many women have been raped and sold as slaves (sexual or otherwise) and had their bodies used without their full consent, and much of the time, those women have been women of color.<br />
<br />
Among the other things people found offensive about Miley Cyrus' performance at the 2013 VMA's and Lily Allen's <a href="http://youtu.be/E0CazRHB0so" target="_blank">Hard Out Here</a> (For a Bitch) video, the use of female dancers of color twerking to enhance the performance of a white artist feels especially painful and triggering to many.<br />
<br />
Many people are not fans of women of color used as "bitches and ho's" for male musicians, either, and feel a direct tie-in to the (self?) exploitation of Sara Baartman. Here's one passionate take.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="390" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/iQ7mmMe4klQ" width="520"></iframe><br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
It horrifies me how Saartje Baartman was treated while she was alive, and makes me retch to think of how barbarically her remains were treated after her death. It infuriates me when lovely young women of any hue dance and perform in music videos and on concert stages in ways that seem degrading, while the "star" sings about bitches and ho's.<br />
<br />
And yet, am I bringing my own prejudices and privilege to this subject? Is it degrading of me to assume that these women are too dumb and weak to <i>know </i>when they're being pimped out or exploited, just as I found my assumptions about women in the adult film industry were wrong? For all I know, just as many Miss Americas have earned advanced degrees in a variety of fields, these dancers and back-up singers are just as bright, just as ambitious, and truly have made informed choices to "shake their moneymakers," not poor ignorant exploited victims.<br />
<br />
Where I leave Saartjie in my heart, now, is allowing her to be a woman, and a survivor, not just a symbol, and allowing modern women, whether of color or whitebread like me, to be who <i>they </i>are: survivors, courageous, sometimes victims and sometimes bawses in charge of their own images.<br />
<br />
from <i>African Queen</i> by Rachel Holmes:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Saartje suffered, but she endured, and as far as she could, rebelled. As an orphan, as a woman, as a curious, adventurous individual, she stepped always on the edge of danger, surviving for as long as possible in extraordinarily challenging circumstances.</blockquote>
<h3>
</h3>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCYkIGvC5MRAL2mp1J48AWK6YC9FdWGDwx0cmQCCRnRT7mqq20vBUq-rtQTNC9E2PzZIRCGUn5fGquoTVNVgGQLPxecg1-yVdZu442zhZsxl2rB3aqL_MekQXPF2VBfPjjhVjQER1NtsyS/s1600/Women's+Rights.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCYkIGvC5MRAL2mp1J48AWK6YC9FdWGDwx0cmQCCRnRT7mqq20vBUq-rtQTNC9E2PzZIRCGUn5fGquoTVNVgGQLPxecg1-yVdZu442zhZsxl2rB3aqL_MekQXPF2VBfPjjhVjQER1NtsyS/s640/Women's+Rights.jpg" height="494" width="640" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Past Sluts:</b><br />
<ul>
<li><a href="http://www.writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/06/slut-of-month-anne-boleyn.html" target="_blank">Anne Boleyn</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/05/slut-of-month-ava-gardner.html" target="_blank">Ava Gardner</a></li>
<li><a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/04/slut-of-month-anais-nin.html" target="_blank">Anais Nin</a></li>
<li><a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/2014/01/slut-of-month-betty-white.html" target="_blank">Betty White</a></li>
<li><a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/01/slut-of-month-boudicca.html" target="_blank">Boudicca</a></li>
<li><a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/12/slut-of-month-catherine-great.html" target="_blank">Catherine the Great</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/10/slut-of-month-cleopatra.html" target="_blank">Cleopatra</a></li>
<li><a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/03/slut-of-month-jezebel.html" target="_blank">Jezebel</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/08/slut-of-month-dr-m-joycelyn-elders.html" target="_blank">Dr. M. Joycelyn Elders </a></li>
<li><a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/07/slut-of-month-unsinkable-molly-brown.html" target="_blank">The "Unsinkable Molly Brown" </a></li>
<li><a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/02/slut-of-month-peggy-lee.html" target="_blank">Peggy Lee</a></li>
<li><a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/11/slut-of-month-rita-moreno.html" target="_blank">Rita Moreno</a></li>
</ul>
<b><br /></b><b>Upcoming Sluts of the Month:</b><br />
<ul>
<li>Mae West</li>
<li>Joan of Kent</li>
<li>Sandra Fluke </li>
<li>Morgan le Fey</li>
<li>Aspasia</li>
<li>Madonna</li>
<li>Liz Taylor</li>
<li>Dorothy Parker </li>
<li>Kassandra of Troy</li>
<li>Tullia d'Aragona</li>
<li>Marie Antoinette</li>
<li>Lillie Langtry</li>
<li>Eleanor Roosevelt </li>
<li>Rhiannon</li>
<li>Shelley Winters</li>
<li>Mary, Queen of Scots</li>
<li>"Klondike Kate" Rockwell</li>
<li>Catherine de Medici</li>
<li>Lucrezia Borgia</li>
<li>Umrao Jaan</li>
<li>Sarah Bernhardt </li>
<li>Cher</li>
<li>Eleanor of Aquitaine </li>
<li>Theodora (wife of Emperor Justinian) </li>
<li>Jeanne d'Arc</li>
<li>Margaret Sanger</li>
<li>Coco Chanel </li>
<li>Isadora Duncan</li>
<li>Sappho</li>
<li>Joan of Kent </li>
<li>Dorothy Dandridge</li>
<li>Eva Perón</li>
<li>Susan B. Anthony</li>
<li>Natalie Wood</li>
<li>Diana, Princess of Wales</li>
<li>Hillary Rodham Clinton</li>
<li>Mata Hari</li>
<li>Lady Gaga</li>
<li>Malala Yousafzai</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Is it possible that Saartje made the best of a horrible situation?</i><br />
<i>If you are a woman of color, do you feel that female dancers of color<br />are being exploited in the music industry today, or...?</i></div>
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<ul class="zemanta-article-ul" style="clear: left;">
<li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a href="http://blackhistorypages.net/pages/sbaartman.php" target="_blank">Saartje (Sara) Baartman</a> (blackhistorypages.net)</li>
<li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/14/books/review/Elkins.t.html" target="_blank">African Queen</a> (nytimes.com book review)</li>
<li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a href="http://psimba.wordpress.com/2013/12/02/african-feminism-an-ode-to-saartjie-bartman/" target="_blank">African Feminism: an Ode to Saartjie Bartman</a> (psimba.wordpress.com)</li>
<li class="zemanta-article-ul-li"><a href="http://shespeakspoignards.wordpress.com/2013/11/12/xviii-the-venus-of-hottentot/" target="_blank">XVIII: The Venus of Hottentot</a> (shespeakspoignards.wordpress.com)</li>
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Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-62713727557275225682014-01-27T05:00:00.000-08:002014-01-29T11:43:07.383-08:00Rant On: Stop Mating Davina with Goliath<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6jdTnkb-HZAb5p6TIMGNJH-WRIyPN1XrCclad6ZJr35-L9BEOkmuFNFBnDHzJ9uL7PO-SCNjznYgN2DBwXplYxtNJ9cTDejfq9h_qWhdE4LLDDmNA41FkIDAeHlNf8_SUP2AVmENdQOoc/s1600/short+&+tall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6jdTnkb-HZAb5p6TIMGNJH-WRIyPN1XrCclad6ZJr35-L9BEOkmuFNFBnDHzJ9uL7PO-SCNjznYgN2DBwXplYxtNJ9cTDejfq9h_qWhdE4LLDDmNA41FkIDAeHlNf8_SUP2AVmENdQOoc/s320/short+&+tall.jpg" height="320" width="150"></a>Am I only one bugged by seeing this duo pop up all over in romance? Davina, the heroine, is 5 foot nothing, possibly 100 pounds soaking wet, dainty (but always spunky and tough). Goliath, the hero, is 6'4"-6'6", <i>extremely </i>muscular, and with a gigantic peen that would make stallions check their envy at the gate.<br>
<br>
According to <a href="http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_average_height_of_men_and_women_in_North_America" target="_blank">Wikianswers</a>, the average height for a man in the US is 5'10." This means there's a whole lot of guys <i>under </i>5'10", as well as the basketball-player types.<br>
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I'm not an unbiased reader. I'm 5'9", and going all the way back to junior high, when I was taller than most of the boys in the class, I have personally experienced the reality that most boys (and men) won't even <i>consider </i>dating a woman their own height or, stars forbid, taller than they are (though there are a few brave and confident souls, bless 'em). Other tall women report the same thing.<br>
<br>
So it's not just body jealousy because I will never be able to indulge in <a href="http://happyplace.someecards.com/28648/5-things-you-should-at-least-pretend-to-know-today-january-15-2014" target="_blank">#Riccing</a>. It's that the pool of date-able men for tall girls and women is already much smaller than the pool for the woman of average (5'5") height, let alone those just this side of being a hobbit. So whenever I see a tiny woman hooking up with a tall guy, either IRL (in real life) or in fiction, part of me screams out:<br>
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<h3>
<span style="color: blue;">
Why can't you greedy bitches leave our men alone?</span></h3>
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<a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Nobel_Peace_Price_Concert_2009_Will_Smith_and_Jada_Pinkett_Smith.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: clear:right;"><img alt="English: Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith at ..." border="0" class="zemanta-img-inserted" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/5e/Nobel_Peace_Price_Concert_2009_Will_Smith_and_Jada_Pinkett_Smith.jpg/300px-Nobel_Peace_Price_Concert_2009_Will_Smith_and_Jada_Pinkett_Smith.jpg" height="503" style="border: none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="300"></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 300px;">English: Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith at The Nobel Peace Price Concert 2009 (Photo credit: <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Nobel_Peace_Price_Concert_2009_Will_Smith_and_Jada_Pinkett_Smith.jpg" target="_blank">Wikipedia</a>)</td></tr>
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But okay, love is love, and love shouldn't have to consult a tape measure, right? I adore it when people fall in love and seem happy together, even people who appear somewhat of a physical mismatch, due to age, disability, skin color, religion, or weight or height variances. *cough* Jada Pinkett* *cough* *Will Smith*<br>
<br>
I'm okay with the Davina and Goliath "thing" happening in fiction, with a few caveats:<br>
<ol>
<li>Mix it up a little. Don't make <i>every </i>story the Incredible Hulk getting it on with Thumbelina. That trope is becoming as overdone as the hot billionaire Dom partnering the naive virginal sub.</li>
<li>Don't make it icky or unbelievable.</li>
<li>Make sure your choreography <i>works</i>.</li>
</ol>
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<br>
<h3>
Goliath, you're a sick puppy.</h3>
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Whenever I read a description as to how a huge, muscular guy has a constant boner for a diminutive woman, this little bitty thang who doesn't even come up to his shoulder, (in some cases, the author will emphasize how doll-like and/or <i>childlike </i>the hero thinks the heroine is) I don't think "sexy."<br>
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<b>I think perv.</b><br>
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Authors, if you're going to write a huge height and weight difference, especially if the heroine is also ten years or more younger than the hero, please do <i>not </i>emphasize how young, fragile, or <i>innocent </i>the heroine appears.<br>
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Describing how her tiny, childlike hands could not fully encircle his ginormous swollen man-rod is <i>not </i>erotic, it's creepy. It makes everyone else 1) want to throw the book across the room, and 2) be afraid to try another of your stories.<br>
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<b>Plus, the tree-trunk-sized penis you're "gifting" to your tall heroes? Nobody <i>wants </i>that.</b><br>
I've discovered from <strike>friends and personal experience</strike> extensive research that:<br>
<a href="http://blog.writinginflow.com/2014/01/rant-on-stop-mating-davina-with-goliath.html#more">Read more »</a>Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-59086431984799493972014-01-23T14:45:00.000-08:002014-01-23T14:45:53.626-08:00Gratitude Highlights, An Interview, and the Fam Damily<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-o7IirxWqE4egWlolAGb1Q49Q-kgsEITS3xSM-5qKZHdL4k0Q8C9UkHnwN0yiC996XcPZi-5VEcMZ6Azo1Jt3hZ9FsjsaybshY8mM2BSmaU93FDS4fwCIcRqDdhWSreNhopmtfHrG40o8/s1600/Image.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-o7IirxWqE4egWlolAGb1Q49Q-kgsEITS3xSM-5qKZHdL4k0Q8C9UkHnwN0yiC996XcPZi-5VEcMZ6Azo1Jt3hZ9FsjsaybshY8mM2BSmaU93FDS4fwCIcRqDdhWSreNhopmtfHrG40o8/s1600/Image.png" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
Problem: In order to track things for which to be grateful for in 2014, I had to dump out my <a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/11/gratitude-attitude-easier-said-than-felt.html" target="_blank">2013 Gratitude Jar</a>.<br />
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Some highlights:<br />
<ul>
<li>For the first time, my sister and I talked about our mother's last few months, before she died of breast cancer. Made me cry, but in a good way.</li>
<li>The incredible beauty and scent of pink jasmine.</li>
<li>Getting a visit from my favorite sweet dog, Sarge, in my dreams.</li>
<li>After weeks of physical therapy for my frozen shoulder, finally being able to link my fingers under my back again in bridge position.</li>
<li>Getting my car paid off!</li>
<li>An amazing moon in the sky as I drove home from book club, gleaming like a crescent smile.</li>
<li>My first swim of the spring (dated 4/28/13) - warmer water than I expected.</li>
<li>A hilarious FB comment stream with my <a href="http://socalladybloggers.com/" target="_blank">SoCal Lady Bloggers</a> following a question about how <i>does </i>one review a lei. #GetLeid</li>
<li><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ve0gKptopXY" target="_blank">Live music</a>!</li>
<li>My African violet blooming again for the first time in three years.</li>
<li>An evening of soft tacos and old movies with my visiting sister, eaten off my good heirloom china (the tacos, I did not eat the movies nor my sister).</li>
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Do you see a pattern? (No, not on my china, I know about that one.) Much of these things have zero to do with luck or hard work (well, my African violet was), but simply acknowledging the many, many blessings all around me already.<br />
<br />
<b>Sometimes the blessings are hard to appreciate.</b> Today, as this posts, I am driving my oldest sister for her first chemotherapy session. Although her surgery went extremely well, her stage of gall bladder cancer currently has a 28% survival rate even with the most aggressive treatment, so they are throwing the kitchen sink at it.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, her husband has been fighting for his life, since suffering a major stroke two days after <i>she</i> got out of the hospital. It has been a looong month, and he has been "declining" several times, a different organ or condition causing serious concern almost every day.. Outside of my day job, I've been spending most of my free time at the hospital.<br />
<br />
On Friday, we got the news that his liver has failed, he was not a candidate for transplant, and the liver team would meet with us on Monday to discuss hospice care and give us a best guess as to how much time he had left. We spent Friday night and Saturday trying to come to terms (again) with losing him; my sis trying frantically to arrange out how to transport him home (they live 3 1/2 hrs away, though they are temporarily relocated to LA), watching him sleep or stare catatonically at the TV. Trying to say our goodbyes in his few lucid moments.<br />
<br />
But Sunday... he was tremendously improved, and so were all his tests, so <i>now </i>they are chirping about moving him to stroke rehab (again) in a day or two to build up his strength. There is no number of facepalms that can adequately express the what-the-fuckery that I am, <i>we </i>are, feeling.<br />
<br />
Not being dead, myself, I did notice that one of my BIL's stroke-rehab doctors was romance-cover-model hot, but even<i> I </i>could not muster the moxie or energy to get his picture for the blog. My WIP? Patiently gathering cyberdust at the moment; I don't have the energy or concentration to work on her right now.<br />
<br />
And yet. I <i>do </i>feel blessed. Very tired, more than a little stressed and worried, but still, blessed. My family has been amazing, everyone stepping to the plate to help one another. I have a wide circle of friends who have offered all kinds of help and emotional support, and then I have my online friends, like you. *kisses*<br />
<br />
And I have my supportive groups, like <a href="http://writerunboxed.com/" target="_blank">WriterUnboxed</a>. <i>That </i>circle of friends is celebrating its birthday this month, and its "mamas" granted me an <a href="http://writerunboxed.com/2014/01/21/writer-unboxed-is-8-years-old-today-heres-an-everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-and-some-things-you-didnt-qa-about-wu/#more-26024" target="_blank">online interview</a>. I did the questions several months ago, but it's <a href="http://writerunboxed.com/2014/01/21/writer-unboxed-is-8-years-old-today-heres-an-everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-and-some-things-you-didnt-qa-about-wu/#more-26024" target="_blank">published on the site today</a>. While I advise every writer to gather a face-to-face circle of writing friends if possible, my groups of online friends have been a wonderful source of support, encouragement, and resources. If you haven't visited Writer Unboxed before, please do visit and leave a comment or two.<br />
<br />
Or, leave me a comment here. I promise I'll approve it and reply, eventually. If you want to be interviewed by me, check out my <a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/p/rock-stars.html" target="_blank">Rock Stars</a> tab here, and send me an email. It'll have to wait till a time when I have two brain cells to rub together, but interview are always fun.<br />
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Thanks for your love & support, I can feel it coming in waves right through the monitor.Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-53169504245952448442014-01-13T05:30:00.000-08:002014-01-13T14:46:31.616-08:009 Ways to Find Your Next Favorite Book #amreadingWant to find more books you love, avoid more you loathe?<br>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhkVaIFIKtaulJXIZri9a39alLIWFGUJqhKaCnuWim62KB521XrlXE4OtZ-yVbZ1YhUvb1gyg0FSKicJ06-Rl4Pf8A9Xjx3ptIMNjBJy5pN_L2DbNP8Km9qECiUanQ-chksP1vsln2kUY7/s1600/read+all+the+books.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhkVaIFIKtaulJXIZri9a39alLIWFGUJqhKaCnuWim62KB521XrlXE4OtZ-yVbZ1YhUvb1gyg0FSKicJ06-Rl4Pf8A9Xjx3ptIMNjBJy5pN_L2DbNP8Km9qECiUanQ-chksP1vsln2kUY7/s1600/read+all+the+books.jpg"></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"All the" meme by Allie Brosh<br>
Hyperbole and a Half</td></tr>
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<b>1) Analyze your book likes and dislikes.</b> If you’ve never done this before, pick ten books that have stuck in your head, whether in a good way or bad way. Then <b>figure out why.</b> You can do it on paper, or via a site like <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/" target="_blank">GoodReads</a>. (FYI, though I adore GoodReads and am part of the 1%, I am <i>not </i>on their payroll.)<br>
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What hooked you and kept you awake late into the night, turning pages? What made you fall asleep, or want to chuck the book across the room? Do you crave explicit sex scenes, or do you prefer that lovemaking is inferred, and takes place off-page, as it were? (For more on sorting out what "heat levels" are, check out my <a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/p/some-like-it-hot.html" target="_blank">Some Like It Hot</a> tab here.)<br>
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Do you enjoy authors who take time to dress the scene with detailed descriptions of rooms, clothing, and weather, or would you prefer they skip the Lauren Ashley crap and leap right into the action? Does elegant and evocative use of prose make your toes curl, or your stomach hurl?<br>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">There are no right or wrong answers; there is only what is right for YOU.</span></div>
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<b>2) Join a book reading club</b>, one that discusses books either in person through Meetup or Craigslist (if CL isn't too full of loons in your area), or online via <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/group/show_tag/bookclub" target="_blank">GoodReads</a>. Following some passionate discussions, I’ve learned and appreciated much more about books I’ve read, and also discovered nuances I'd missed. I've also found books I've loved and would never have picked up on my own, if they hadn't been the club's pick.<br>
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<b>3) Ask a friend who reads.</b> Again, this could be an online friend, or in person. If she is raving about <i><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18050053-the-moon-sisters" target="_blank">The Moon Sisters</a></i> or <i><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/755334683" target="_blank">Hyperbole and a Half,</a></i> ask her <i>why</i>. Her answer could inspire you to move that book to the top of your TBR (To Be Read) list, or to your <i>hells-to-the-no</i> list.<br>
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<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Kite_runner.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: clear:right;"><img alt="First paperback edition book cover" border="0" class="zemanta-img-inserted" height="200" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/62/Kite_runner.jpg" style="border: none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="133"></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 240px;">First paperback edition book cover (Photo credit: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Kite_runner.jpg" target="_blank">Wikipedia</a>)</td></tr>
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<b>4) Browse library bins.</b> My local library has a “Something for Everyone” stand near its checkout, where there’s a wide variety of books, generally <strike>pretty battered</strike> very well-loved, from <i>The Kite Runner</i> to <i>Twilight</i> to <i><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/637625961" target="_blank">Proof of Heaven</a></i>.<br>
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If you use an e-reader, you can browse book covers via the website, and at least on the Los Angeles site, easily add them to your wish list. Since I cannot afford to <i>BUY ALL THE BOOKS!</i>, the library offers me a great way to feed the beast while still keeping the lights on.<br>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ-MFG_G8hnMlv1oHIfXsS0r9aD4BumEpu7t5vhooUgeSmrHF37IACqLZg2LXWwf7JWhboKP3AcP2ckkrBUqlEzTB6e9ANuPdtAL2Cb9RdEgvREehPziy4XxdPs_jw0e7Ss2DhoGAOpY7v/s1600/Wish+List+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="494" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJ-MFG_G8hnMlv1oHIfXsS0r9aD4BumEpu7t5vhooUgeSmrHF37IACqLZg2LXWwf7JWhboKP3AcP2ckkrBUqlEzTB6e9ANuPdtAL2Cb9RdEgvREehPziy4XxdPs_jw0e7Ss2DhoGAOpY7v/s640/Wish+List+1.jpg" width="640"></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Why yes, I did add <i>The Dom Project</i> to my Wish List.</td></tr>
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<b>5) Try another book by a favorite author,</b> especially if they write in another genre or under more than one pen name.<br>
<a href="http://blog.writinginflow.com/2014/01/9-ways-to-find-your-next-favorite-book.html#more">Read more »</a>Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-49892382529893883882013-12-30T05:00:00.000-08:002013-12-30T05:00:09.838-08:00YMMV? No, Your Mileage Will VaryI giggled when I saw that one of my writer friends had updated her FaceBook cover photo to show a desk with the keyboard all but buried in papers and clutter. Because although in <i>theory </i>I prefer my desk looking like this:<br>
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In <i>real life</i>, it more often looks like this:<br>
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Maybe, like me and my friend, you go on writing jags so fast and furious you don't have time or energy to clean your desk. Maybe you can<i>not </i>write unless your desk is clean and perfectly arranged and you have two sharpened #2 pencils handy (although you don't actually use pencils for anything).<br>
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As writers, we often read books and blogs and talk to other writers and seek frantically for <b><span style="color: #351c75;">That Thing</span></b> that will allow us to write smoothly, beautifully, and effortlessly, churning out one brilliant bestseller after another. What could make the difference <i>for me</i>? Is it getting up at 4:00 am to write uninterrupted in total quiet for an hour or two? Learning to write in ten minute snippets throughout the day, while the world howls around me? Yoga? Going to conferences and networking with other authors? Going to a remote cabin for a writers' retreat? Could the right software program make the difference? Plotting? Pantsing? NaNoWriMo-ing?<br>
<a href="http://blog.writinginflow.com/2013/12/ymmv-no-your-mileage-will-vary.html#more">Read more »</a>Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-15438403255475570802013-12-26T06:00:00.000-08:002013-12-26T07:14:48.825-08:00USC vs. UCLA - the ICU version<div style="text-align: right;">
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If my family saga was in a novel, people would prolly dismiss it as unbelievable. (I intend to try sometime, nonetheless.)</div>
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So, a few weeks ago, I blogged about my sister's adventures at <a href="http://www.carepages.com/uscuh?cid=pvmclinks" target="_blank">Keck Medical Center of USC</a>, where she underwent a fairly harrowing surgery for gall bladder cancer. Still looming ahead for her, chemotherapy, because gall bladder cancer is highly, if not always, terminal.</div>
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Let me backtrack just a moment. Once upon a time, in the middle of the Vietnam War, two nineteen-year-olds fell in love. The Princess and Prince were both serious, somewhat geeky honor students, and they bonded in a restaurant over pecan pie.</div>
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Scary times were ahead of them. The Prince enlisted in the Air Force (just ahead of being drafted into the Army) and was sent to Vietnam, where, among other things, his unit was bombed and he was sent out to "beautify" the base by spraying Agent Orange around the perimeter fences (without any protective gear). The Princess planned their wedding for the month after he was due to return, though <strike>the evil fairy</strike> her always supportive maternal grandmother frequently declared she was foolish to do so, as her betrothed was unlikely to survive the war.</div>
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The Prince did return, married the Princess; they had two handsome young Princes and moved to a <strike>ramshackle bungalow</strike> hippie-style castle in the foothills of sunny Los Angeles, far away from the evil fairy. From their castle, they offered a warm and loving welcome to royal family, friends, and friends of friends alike. If this was a fairy tale, I could write "...and they lived happily ever after," and that would be the end of the story.</div>
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In real life though, there are many joys and tragedies. This Prince and Princess have had their challenges over the years - everyone does. But among other things, the Prince's health, physical and emotional, was deeply impacted by his time in Vietnam. He suffered from PTSD, he suffered from eczema and psoriasis on his arms and legs, which got into his joints (psoriatic arthritis) and caused extreme pain and difficulty in walking. He turned (not wisely, it must be admitted) to alcohol to cope with the pain. Fast forward a few decades: the Princess and Prince have retired to a new, more remote castle, near the shores of a favorite California lake (Isabella). The Prince has stopped consuming alcohol entirely and is actively addressing his medical conditions; the Princess takes long walks with her dogs at dawn on the lakeshore almost every day.<br />
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<h3>
Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition - or Gall Bladder Cancer</h3>
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While my sister (the Princess) has not lived off fruits, nuts, nor Whole <strike>Paycheck</strike> Foods triple-blessed organic produce, for the most part she has lived a fairly healthy life, been physically active, etc. Her diagnosis of gall bladder cancer shocked the whole family.<br />
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But we have a very supportive family (now that the evil fairy and a few others have passed beyond the veil). So our middle sister, Princess B, made plans to come to support <i>the </i>Princess during her chemo; Princess B's daughters, Duchess A and Duchess B, both with nursing/health experience, planned to tag-team and travel to California to support the Princess following her surgery, since the Prince was in somewhat fragile health, and I would pitch in where necessary.<br />
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What we didn't expect was that the Prince would suffer a severe intestinal ?virus? ?bacteria?, just days after the Princess's extensive surgery, on his return to their castle, which would require hospitalization. Thus, when the Princess was released from Keck-USC (<i>her </i>hospital), yours truly would be driving her and Duchess A post-haste to the hospital on the shores of Lake Isabella, where the Prince was recuperating. Only then to the castle, where an extra carriage was available for Duchess A to chauffeur the Princess, and soon, we expected, the Prince, around the castle environs, while I returned to LA and the day job. Duchess A had not expected to care for <i>two </i>recuperating patients, but she was game.<br />
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What we <i>also </i>did not expect, on the very day that the Prince was being released from that small rural hospital on the shores of Lake Isabella, was that he would suffer a major stroke in the presence of Duchess A and the Princess. Which, because of his existing medical conditions, was unable to be treated with "normal" stroke protocol medications, but which indicated an airlift... to UCLA Ronald Reagan Medical Center.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUBoNVeDaKFkoHM-Cp0dD6u_HViFOC1H5DWpGVpc4EPEYwx7qY02aF2PJ0HCeMoAZbnzTO6HMxV6kMbSi5X7dB9CAY-YNaN9InyiRffCwyoZw6CsA9pWh2FcQJ35dth0nbhphWT56YbnlS/s1600/Helicopter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUBoNVeDaKFkoHM-Cp0dD6u_HViFOC1H5DWpGVpc4EPEYwx7qY02aF2PJ0HCeMoAZbnzTO6HMxV6kMbSi5X7dB9CAY-YNaN9InyiRffCwyoZw6CsA9pWh2FcQJ35dth0nbhphWT56YbnlS/s640/Helicopter.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Prince being airlifted to UCLA</td></tr>
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<h3>
Scrambling to Cope, Physically and Emotionally</h3>
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While Duchess A and the Princess raced to the castle to pack for the return journey to Los Angeles, the Prince's sons and I raced to UCLA. When allowed to see him, the Prince was alert and awake, but clearly deeply impacted by the stroke - and not physically stable.<br />
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Eventually, he did stabilize, but as it was touch and go, Princess B and Duchess B arrived (early) to assist. Even in two of the best hospitals in the United States, the reality is that the care is better if a family member is present in the room during exams, the administering of tests and medications, etc. Sometimes it is helpful to keep calling and saying, "Hey, he asked for a bedpan ten minutes ago, can we get that moving, before he does?"<br />
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After the Prince was at UCLA for about three days, Duchess A received news of <i>another </i>family health crisis involving <i>her</i> son. She and Duchess B had to arrange emergency transportation to her home state to help him. Yes, it does feel like my family is being punked.<br />
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Or, like firefighters in a bad fire season, that we are being called upon to fire fires on too many fronts with too few resources, but we are also aware, like fire season, that this too shall pass.<br />
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Current Status</h3>
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As of Christmas Day, everyone <i>seems </i>to be on the mend, though the Princess still has chemo looming ahead, and the Prince has not yet been released to acute stroke rehabilitation, something we hope happens very soon. Princess B remains for a few more days, then must return home, though her plan is still to return for at least some of the Princess's chemo.<br />
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I feel really blessed to have such a fabulous, supportive family, and while the Christmas season has lacked in some of my usual traditions - tree, presents, watching movies, etc., it has been abundant in wonderful shared hugs, kisses, smiles and tears.<br />
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<h3>
USC vs. UCLA - the ICU and Regular Hospital Room Comparison</h3>
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<ul>
<li>USC has open potties in the ICU rooms; UCLA has potties tucked into clever cupboards. Win: UCLA</li>
<li>USC ICU uses standard IV's on stands; UCLA's ICU IV's are suspended from the ceiling, so the floors are probably more sanitary. Win: UCLA.</li>
<li>USC ICU rooms felt roomier, because of how they were arranged; UCLA's were set up in such a way that the bed and IV's & equipment made about a third of the room, including the phone, very difficult to access. Win: USC</li>
<li>USC had extremely attractive male and female attendants; UCLA - could've been, also, but even <i>I </i>have been too fried and tired to notice. Draw.</li>
<li>USC parking structure - $7.00 per day; UCLA - valet parking only at $12 plus tip. Win: USC.</li>
<li>USC remote controls and entertainment included movies on demand, movies in Spanish, relaxation and meditation videos, music and more; UCLA - horrible remote in ICU, marginally better in regular room. No extras, and channels don't match up; CBS 2 = 1, Fox 11 = 15, etc. Win: USC.</li>
<li>USC cafeteria - not bad, many healthy choices, daily specials. UCLA - likewise, but bigger and better laid out, as well as access to picnic tables outside. Win: UCLA.</li>
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<a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:UCLA_Reagan_Medical_Center.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: clear:right;"><img alt="English: The new UCLA Ronald Reagan Medical Ce..." border="0" class="zemanta-img-inserted" height="424" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/3/3c/UCLA_Reagan_Medical_Center.JPG/300px-UCLA_Reagan_Medical_Center.JPG" style="border: none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="640" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 300px;">English: The new UCLA Ronald Reagan Medical Center, from the south-west looking across Westwood Bl. (Photo credit: <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:UCLA_Reagan_Medical_Center.JPG" target="_blank">Wikipedia</a>)</td></tr>
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<h3>
Tips for <i>When </i>(It's Really Not an If) a Medical Emergency Happens to Your People.</h3>
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<ul>
<li>Talk to any neighbors you trust, <i>now </i>and <b>exchange phone numbers, </b>and, possibly, keys. I have several neighbors happy to feed my cat in a pinch, who I trust not to steal my not-particularly valuable belongings, but I just might not be able to knock on their doors and ask them to.</li>
<li>Sit down with your phone manual and make sure you have tagged or otherwise sorted your contacts, and <b>that the important ones all include <i>current </i>information</b>.</li>
<li>Complete, sign, and have witnessed (if required by your state) your <a href="http://www.caringinfo.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=3289" target="_blank">Advanced Medical Directive</a>, because your loved ones really don't need to be guessing in time of crisis what kind of care you want, from extreme to hands off, if you aren't able to express your own wishes.</li>
<li>Buy an extra phone charger and keep it with you at all times; they're usually not that expensive.</li>
<li>When you <i>know </i>you are going to the hospital, bring not only your phone charger, but an extra power bar if you have one. There may only be one available plug in the room and several people who all need to charge their phones.</li>
<li>Wear layers whenever possible. Temperatures in the rooms can fluctuate from arctic breeze to am-I-having-a-goddamned-hot-flash? (which even the guys experience).</li>
<li>Water bottles, cash in small denominations, and small snacks are all good things to bring with you.</li>
<li>Work out, as much as possible, a visitation schedule, so it's not a ghost town from 4-6 and the hordes of Genghis Khan from 6-8.</li>
<li>If you can, like being the parent of a newborn baby, <i>nap </i>when the sick/injured person naps.</li>
<li>Depending on the condition of the person you're visiting, you may want to bring a laptop to check your email, update FaceBook (the Princess's <i>favorite</i>), or play games. Don't count on getting any Real Work done while your loved one sleeps; not likely you will be able to focus enough to do so.</li>
<li>Pay attention to your own needs; drink plenty of water, and don't be afraid to draw the line and say you need a break to get some sleep/wash some underwear/grocery shop, etc. I even kept my long-scheduled massage appointment, and it made me feel SOOO much better.</li>
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And with that, I'm taking my own advice, and getting some food and sleep. It's going to be a long haul, still, so while I have some posts already in the can, writing new ones ain't my biggest priority. Expect me to be sporadic in posting and visiting back<br />
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Thanks!</div>
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<a class="zemanta-pixie-a" href="http://www.zemanta.com/?px" title="Enhanced by Zemanta"><img alt="Enhanced by Zemanta" class="zemanta-pixie-img" src="http://img.zemanta.com/zemified_e.png?x-id=39b2ae5b-cad6-431c-8940-7383c7d2a286" style="border: none; float: right;" /></a></div>
Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-67382681513851564782013-12-09T05:33:00.001-08:002013-12-09T05:33:53.682-08:00Mistletoe, #Menday, & Medical Centers #USCI think if you asked people where they wanted to spend the holiday season (whatever holiday you celebrate), a hospital would <i>not </i>be anyone's location of choice.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRy2HhSiGOGg201xk47Qp3JYI-TQMJRiRdH71j2RI58rtQtUtI8uPwX3bjshuWMnh0jHI3fp4fOaFvE0fgZd0hFUemMY6DGgZcJxlnxtGpj9cyJyC33iIDpxCGd9VtMVSTjlehjenzP5Jl/s1600/859913_10202696292750893_671882691_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRy2HhSiGOGg201xk47Qp3JYI-TQMJRiRdH71j2RI58rtQtUtI8uPwX3bjshuWMnh0jHI3fp4fOaFvE0fgZd0hFUemMY6DGgZcJxlnxtGpj9cyJyC33iIDpxCGd9VtMVSTjlehjenzP5Jl/s640/859913_10202696292750893_671882691_o.jpg" width="640" /></a><br />
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But when cancer (that rude bitch!) comes a-knockin, she don't care what time of the year it is. Luckily, there are many wonderful men and women who choose the medical profession, and they have been taking VERY good care of my oldest sister, who's had to go under the knife last week for gall bladder cancer.</div>
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And... even though I was all concerned for my sister and everything, I couldn't help but notice that damn! the place was crawling with McDreamy's. Of course, as someone who writes <strike>smut</strike> erotic fiction, I reflexively notice such things. <b><i>It's my gift.</i></b></div>
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<a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Image-Nadal_photographi%C3%A9-cropped.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: clear:right;"><img alt="Cropped version of Image:Nadal photographié.jpg" border="0" class="zemanta-img-inserted" height="598" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/2d/Image-Nadal_photographi%C3%A9-cropped.jpg/300px-Image-Nadal_photographi%C3%A9-cropped.jpg" style="border: none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="300" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 300px;">Since I didn't have the wit to get a picture of Needles, this will have to suffice to stoke your imagination.<br />
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Cropped version of Image:Nadal photographié.jpg (Photo credit: <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Image-Nadal_photographi%C3%A9-cropped.jpg" target="_blank">Wikipedia</a>)</td></tr>
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<h3>
He Knows How To Stick It In</h3>
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But I couldn't figure out <i>why</i>, as my brother-in-law and I took the pager (they give you a pager, like waiting for a restaurant table, and buzz you when there is an update) and grabbed a bite in the cafeteria, my brother-in-law was intently staring at this guy in scrubs. Granted, *I* followed his gaze and began checking the man out, too, because he was tall, gorgeous bronze complexion, with shoulder length dark hair and a dazzling smile, <i>and </i>almost a dead-ringer for tennis star Rafa Nadal. Although it looked like he had a back pocket full of <strike>those needle-thingies</strike> syringes in his scrubs, which I found scary and not in a good way.</div>
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Anyway, why was my BIL also fiercely checking him out, one hour into my sis's surgery? Last time I noticed, my BIL was interested in neither men nor tennis.</div>
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BIL gestures Needles Nadal over. <i>Is he going to try to hook me up with the guy?</i> Nice thought, but until my sis was out of surgery, even *I* was in no mood for flirting.</div>
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"Didn't I meet you a few hours ago? Aren't you my wife's anesthesiologist? And she's still in surgery?"<br />
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<i>Okay, this is kind of unnerving.</i></div>
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Needles flashes a charming smile, "Yes, I set the epidural a little while ago, but don't worry, she has another team with her now."<br />
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BIL thanks him, and Needles returns to a table full of co-workers. BIL shakes his head, "There's at least 2-3 more people over there I think I recognize, that I met during the pre-op conference."<br />
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Apparently surgery is like major league baseball: you have your openers, your middle-relievers, and your closers. Who knew?<br />
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Also, the epidural? Not (quite) the same thing they give to mommies in labor; this thing <i>stays in</i>, taped to your back for days, and provides a continual drip of pain relief to the midsection where they performed the surgery. Judging by the questions the medical personnel asked, and the questions <i>we </i>asked, if an epidural is well placed, you have pain relief only where you need it, and <i>not </i>numbness of the chest, shoulders, legs, toes, or facial tingling, etc.<br />
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Needles stuck it in just right.<br />
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<h3>
On the Second Day, USC Sent More Eyecandy</h3>
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There were many incredible staff who took great care of my sis before, during, and after her surgery, but I failed to take pictures of any of them, because I wasn't yet thinking that way. (Sorry, Bill, you were amazing!) But on day two, when she was so much more coherent, and this ridiculously good-looking young resident came in to go over her treatment, I was struck by the idea that I needed to take some pictures of these hotties. Ran the idea by my sis, and she was up for it, then I went and asked Ryan if he'd be willing to pose and let us post pics on my sis's FaceBook page.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcbjkvDfyjQxK0J12bpbOSaJrD5fvRBpCJJmRjnTzGRRWg5YQFhzX0EEUod5di2lSvuhkAm_VYhY1d45Iof5r9Gn0DO3ykF9KE13u7ky1PnNSs8lH8XjDNGGygXY-CJl4VhAFNNY5sF8TM/s1600/1397104_10200207531269730_401941631_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcbjkvDfyjQxK0J12bpbOSaJrD5fvRBpCJJmRjnTzGRRWg5YQFhzX0EEUod5di2lSvuhkAm_VYhY1d45Iof5r9Gn0DO3ykF9KE13u7ky1PnNSs8lH8XjDNGGygXY-CJl4VhAFNNY5sF8TM/s640/1397104_10200207531269730_401941631_o.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes, even though she's got more wires attached to her than Neo in <i>The Matrix,</i> my sis was smiling.<br />
Let's hope Ryan's wife doesn't get too jealous.</td></tr>
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As the day wore on, and my sister was watching people comment favorably on her/my #hottiedoctors FaceBook post, we decided to make it a series, if "her" men were willing to risk getting famous. Although there were many wonderful (and quite lovely) female nurses: Lesley, Emma, Stacey, Judy, and more, we decided to limit the pics to the Queen's (male) courtiers.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHMq2NblnJx5pVflQ6ciECnz3AOPuNK3ZSj-kI9xe6Ubo-vZ9BipO5OH4119iPeHs7qpdOKvgRYQDCnjJCwz6uqX7j10KS3aF4GaSx3Bb9ODqDC_VIhGusrZkPvi3dNofcJE_QrVazX3HG/s1600/1492324_10202705634424429_1699394031_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHMq2NblnJx5pVflQ6ciECnz3AOPuNK3ZSj-kI9xe6Ubo-vZ9BipO5OH4119iPeHs7qpdOKvgRYQDCnjJCwz6uqX7j10KS3aF4GaSx3Bb9ODqDC_VIhGusrZkPvi3dNofcJE_QrVazX3HG/s640/1492324_10202705634424429_1699394031_o.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes, she was building an entourage.</td></tr>
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Now that she's down in a regular room, with at least marginally fewer wires, she gets to charm the #sexymens all over again.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqrjkZMz1kXWkKMUqTpxfINP5xcyNW_Xjh6PRhX1jJg4qoWc4Vb-JxwpJQ5rhMOadtbJD7KIv3kBmvLBfRzuvdHVDQIjV56XRqlTTXh3YbmAAY4oFzMfISKQNWEi4PDvKFmCydqe9iinEK/s1600/George.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqrjkZMz1kXWkKMUqTpxfINP5xcyNW_Xjh6PRhX1jJg4qoWc4Vb-JxwpJQ5rhMOadtbJD7KIv3kBmvLBfRzuvdHVDQIjV56XRqlTTXh3YbmAAY4oFzMfISKQNWEi4PDvKFmCydqe9iinEK/s640/George.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is George, the latest <strike>victim</strike> conquest.</td></tr>
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<h3>
Things I Am (Re)Learning About Hospitals</h3>
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<i>Drier than the Sahara.</i> Okay, maybe I exaggerate a trifle, but even though I bought and drank a couple bottled waters each, the first couple of days, I was still dry with chapped lips when I got home. I'm considering a Camelbackpack for my next stint.<br />
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<i>It's really helpful to have a family member or friend present to advocate for the patient.</i> Because nurses get busy and patients doze off and meanwhile, that blanket they requested 15 minutes ago? Simply being present to remind the staff to bring the blanket/ice/leg pressure machine pump thingie means that the patient gets better service. Squeaky wheels and all that.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWgTOlLLLvb_KcT-U6GWb9MAGkC6CuysVF-oovXmT9wiIFWeTsEwQxvIbam-xuIVYok2enYIEGHCHHa5z3wnjn6TuvVF5ts4hoQ2H75sjkiJXmTJj1PtKaMsRxtsmOQajtllrgsBET50ez/s1600/USC+tree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWgTOlLLLvb_KcT-U6GWb9MAGkC6CuysVF-oovXmT9wiIFWeTsEwQxvIbam-xuIVYok2enYIEGHCHHa5z3wnjn6TuvVF5ts4hoQ2H75sjkiJXmTJj1PtKaMsRxtsmOQajtllrgsBET50ez/s400/USC+tree.jpg" width="300" /></a><i>Teaching hospitals are full of young, healthy, attractive and horny men and women.</i> Waiting for (and in) various elevators and in the cafeteria, the past several days, I've been playing fly-on-the-wall and observing the mating dances. <i>Grey's Anatomy</i> got nothin on these peeps; the sexual undertones are almost palpable. (Btw, if you want to read hot medical romances, nobody does it better than <a href="http://lynnemarshall.com/books/medical-romance" target="_blank">Lynne Marshall</a>.)<br />
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<i>Distractions are happy-making for the person in the bed.</i> Maybe that's collecting photos of a hot guy entourage, or talking about the holiday decorations, watching a movie (yes, they have movies on demand) or playing 'puter games. Also, bring something of your own to read/do for when the patient falls asleep, which s/he needs to do, in order to recover.<br />
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Interesting, educational and inspiring as it's been, I hope to be done with hospitals for a few eons, after this week ends. My sis has a long journey ahead of her; provided no complications arise from the surgery, she will begin chemotherapy once she is done with the post-surgery recovery period. And despite his ability to spot a hot anesthesiologist across a crowded room, my BIL has his own health challenges, which means that the rest of the family has to (and is) stepping it up to support my sister. So for me, even on my sloppy once-a-week posting I may skip around here and there, and not be as religious at blog-visiting-back as I might like.<br />
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<i>Got hospital tips?</i></div>
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<i>Happy stories?</i></div>
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<i>Your thoughts?</i></div>
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<i>(P.S. Props to <a href="http://www.confessionsofafatgirl.net/" target="_blank">AJ Feuerman who totally invented the #Menday</a> theme.)</i></div>
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Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-3224376720062442482013-12-02T05:00:00.000-08:002013-12-02T05:00:08.350-08:00Slut of the Month: Catherine the Great<div style="text-align: left;">
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Ask most people what they know about Catherine the Great of Russia, and somebody is gonna trot out the horse story.<br />
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Yes, Catherine loved to ride horses. Yes, she liked riding horses enough to contrive split skirts and a trick sidesaddle, so that she could ride out "like a lady," and once away from the palace grounds, swing her leg over and ride like a regular human being instead of a circus rider with a death wish. She even used to "ride" for sexual stimulation at 13-14, according to her <i>Memoirs</i>, by mounting a hard pillow between her legs, whereupon she "galloped until I was quite worn out."<br />
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<h3>
Yes, she actually wrote about masturbation in her memoirs. </h3>
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But she <a href="http://www.snopes.com/risque/animals/catherine.asp" target="_blank">didn't die trying to have sex with a horse</a>.<br />
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She did, however, like to maintain a favorite stallion in the form of a usually young, hot, attentive Guardsman, even as an old woman. RHIP (Rank Hath Its Privileges.)<br />
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<h3>
Geek Girl Makes Good</h3>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Grand Duchess Ekaterina Alexeyevna<br />
about age 16<br />
via <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Empress_Catherine_The_Great_circa_1845_%28George_Christoph_Grooth%29.JPG" target="_blank">Wikimedia Commons</a></td></tr>
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Daddy (Prince Christian Augustus of Anhalt-Zerbst) was an obscure, pious, older German nobleman and soldier. Mama (Princess Johanna Elizabeth of Hostein-Gottorp) was a slightly-higher ranking, fun-loving, young German noblewoman. It was not a happy marriage, and although Daddy was happy enough to welcome Sophia Augusta Fredericka on May 2, 1729, Mama was less thrilled, and doted on the boy born eighteen months later. "I was merely tolerated and often I was scolded with a violence and anger I did not deserve."<br />
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Sophia was, however, of the right age, a high enough bloodline, and possessed genitals of the correct shape, to make her a prime match for any number of royal men.<br />
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One of these was her second cousin once removed, Karl Peter Ulrich, Duke of Holstein. A year older than Sophia, they met briefly when she was ten and he was eleven. In her <i>Memoirs</i>, she says he was "agreeable and well-bred, although his liking for drink was already noticeable."<br />
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Others would describe him as:<br />
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small, delicate, and sickly, with protuberant eyes, no jaw, and thin, blond hair falling to his shoulders... he read nothing and was greedy at meals.</blockquote>
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What Peter had in his favor was that he was the only living grandson of Peter the Great. And to Elizabeth, Empress of Russia, he was the son of her beloved dead sister.<br />
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Elizabeth decided to name Peter as her heir, and marry him to Sophia, who with her mother had been brought to Russia with this express purpose in mind. Sophia became Ekaterina, or Catherine, upon her official conversion to the Orthodox Church. Once married to Peter in August 1745, she became a Grand Duchess.<br />
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<h3>
Transvestite Balls, Anyone?</h3>
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Elizabeth, the possibly illegitimate daughter of Peter the Great and a peasant woman, was a fascinating woman in her own right. She deposed the infant Ivan VI, a cousin, got rid of the pro-German advisors, and rebuilt the Russian senate as it had been under her father's rule. She did not marry, but openly took lovers as it pleased her, and regularly held balls where attendees were ordered to cross-dress, the better to wear pants and show off her shapely legs.<br />
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As was custom, Elizabeth placed the Imperial crown on her own head in April 1742.<br />
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As Empress, she alternately petted and scolded Catherine and Peter. Although Peter was named her heir, he was... disappointing. Add to his already unimpressive appearance, massive scarring from smallpox. While Catherine contracted pneumonia from staying up late, working to become fluent in the language of her adopted country, Peter was barely able to learn Russian at all, and carried a huge man-crush on Frederick II of Prussia, Russian's <i>enemy </i>in the Seven Years War. Peter loved to wear Prussian military uniforms, had little interest in consummating his marriage, instead (according to Catherine) he would play with his toy soldiers in the marital bed.<br />
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Peter, for whatever reason, took a dislike to his pretty, personable wife. When he eventually took a mistress, by all accounts Elizaveta Vorontsova was a hunchbacked slob who "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elizaveta_Vorontsova" target="_blank">swore like a soldier, squinted her eyes, smelled bad, and spit while talking</a>."<br />
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With Empress Elizabeth's knowledge and possibly even encouragement, Catherine allowed Serge Saltykov, a handsome young nobleman with a reputation as a lover of women, to become hers. He may have been the father of Paul, born in 1754, although in later years Paul showed a strong resemblance in appearance and personality to Grand Duke Peter. Elizabeth all but kidnapped the baby, having him taken directly from Catherine's bed after childbirth. She was allowed to see her baby once when he was a month old, and again briefly when he was two months old, while Elizabeth raised Paul almost as if <i>she </i>was his mother.<br />
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Later Catherine took another lover, Count Stanislaus Poniatowski, the Polish secretary to the English Ambassador. Their daughter, Anna, would also be taken away by the Empress, and would not live to her second birthday.<br />
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<a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:%D0%9A%D0%BE%D0%BD%D0%BD%D1%8B%D0%B9_%D0%BF%D0%BE%D1%80%D1%82%D1%80%D0%B5%D1%82_%D0%95%D0%BA%D0%B0%D1%82%D0%B5%D1%80%D0%B8%D0%BD%D1%8B_%D0%92%D0%B5%D0%BB%D0%B8%D0%BA%D0%BE%D0%B9._1762.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: clear:left;"><img alt="Русский: В. Эриксен. " border="0" class="zemanta-img-inserted" height="351" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/c5/%D0%9A%D0%BE%D0%BD%D0%BD%D1%8B%D0%B9_%D0%BF%D0%BE%D1%80%D1%82%D1%80%D0%B5%D1%82_%D0%95%D0%BA%D0%B0%D1%82%D0%B5%D1%80%D0%B8%D0%BD%D1%8B_%D0%92%D0%B5%D0%BB%D0%B8%D0%BA%D0%BE%D0%B9._1762.jpg/300px-%D0%9A%D0%BE%D0%BD%D0%BD%D1%8B%D0%B9_%D0%BF%D0%BE%D1%80%D1%82%D1%80%D0%B5%D1%82_%D0%95%D0%BA%D0%B0%D1%82%D0%B5%D1%80%D0%B8%D0%BD%D1%8B_%D0%92%D0%B5%D0%BB%D0%B8%D0%BA%D0%BE%D0%B9._1762.jpg" style="border: none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="300" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 300px;">Русский: В. Эриксен. "Поход на Петергоф" (Конный портрет Екатерины Великой). 1762 (Photo credit: <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:%D0%9A%D0%BE%D0%BD%D0%BD%D1%8B%D0%B9_%D0%BF%D0%BE%D1%80%D1%82%D1%80%D0%B5%D1%82_%D0%95%D0%BA%D0%B0%D1%82%D0%B5%D1%80%D0%B8%D0%BD%D1%8B_%D0%92%D0%B5%D0%BB%D0%B8%D0%BA%D0%BE%D0%B9._1762.jpg" target="_blank">Wikipedia</a>)</td></tr>
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<h3>
Ménage à Quartre </h3>
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Strange as it would seem for the next in line to the throne to openly take lovers, it gets weirder. According to Poniatowski's memoirs, he was confronted by Grand Duke Peter. After denying that he had slept with the Grand Duke's wife (awkward!), he was invited to the Grand Duke's villa by Vorontsova, the mistress. Upon his arrival, the Grand Duke left to fetch Catherine, and the four of them "sat down, laughing and chattering and frolicking..." From Robert K. Massie's <i>Catherine the Great:</i><br />
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"The grand duke made me repeat my visit to Oranienbaum four times," Poniatowksi said. "I arrived in the evening, walked up an unused staircase to the grand duchess's room, where I found the grand duchess, the grand duke and his mistress. We had supper together, after which he took his mistress away, saying to us, 'Well, children, you do not need me any more, I think.' And I was able to stay as long as I liked."</blockquote>
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Not long after, Poniatowski returned to Poland. Catherine secretly took a new lover, a handsome young officer of the Guard named Gregory Orlov. During this time, Elizabeth's health began failing. Peter spoke openly of wanting to divorce or put aside Catherine and marry his mistress, Vorontsova. The Grand Duchess was isolated in her apartments, though a handful of important nobles still supported her in secret, other openly. Oddly enough, one of Catherine's strongest partisans was also named Catherine. The wife of Prince Dashkov, she was the sister of Peter's mistress, and as the divide between Peter and Catherine grew, Princess Dashkova chose the side of her friend and idol, rather than her own sister.<br />
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Grand Duchess Catherine was hiding a six months' pregnancy (Orlov's child) when Empress Elizabeth died in December 1761.<br />
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<h3>
Peter III - Don't Blink, or You'll Miss His Reign</h3>
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Peter took charge as Emperor, following his aunt Elizabeth's death, and if he had deliberately set out to alienate every powerful person he hadn't already ticked off, he couldn't have done a better job. He refused to follow the customs of the Russian Orthodox Church and stand vigil beside Elizabeth's coffin. He played childish pranks when her body was moved from the Cathedral to the mausoleum. He made a decree secularizing all church property, and announced that the veneration of idols, except for those of Jesus Christ, were to be removed from churches.<br />
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At the time of Elizabeth's death, Russia, in conjunction with her allies Austria and France, had Prussia backed into a corner. Russian troops occupied Berlin. But, remember, man-crush on Frederick II. Peter unilaterally called off the Seven Years War (without consulting his allies), and called the Russian army home - so they could prepare for a campaign against Denmark, which had everything to do with <i>his </i>interests as Duke of Holstein, and zero to do with Russia's interest.<br />
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Meanwhile, Catherine kept a low profile. Why work to turn people against Peter, when he was doing such a smashing job of it on his own? She secretly gave birth to Alexis Gregorovich in April, and when she began taking a more public profile, people began coming to her. The Church, the Army, Russian nobles, diplomatic allies...<br />
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After only six months as ruler - and never taking the time to bother with a Coronation - Peter was forced to abdicate. By July, he had been strangled by several soldiers, including Alexis Orlov, one of the brothers of Gregory Orlov, Catherine's lover. By some accounts, it was as a result of a quarrel, rather than a coldly planned assassination, but however it happened, was quite convenient for Catherine.<br />
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Catherine ordered an autopsy - but only to look for poison. The doctors duly reported that, surprise! <i>there was no evidence of poison</i> and that Peter must therefore have died of natural causes, a "colic."<br />
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On September 22, 1762, Empress Catherine placed the crown on her own head - as was Russian custom - in the Assumption Cathedral in Moscow. She was 33 years old.<br />
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<h3>
Idealism, Meet Political Reality</h3>
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Russia was a vast, landlocked country with over twenty million subjects, and the last European country with a feudal system that included serfs. Catherine was highly intelligent, extremely well-read, a good judge of character, and despite the probably unintended murder of her husband, a rather generous and forgiving person. She sent Peter's ugly mistress to Moscow and bought the woman a house, and when Vorontsova married and had a child, became its godmother. She kept in place around her many of Peter's high-standing officials.<br />
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Catherine was a big fan of the European Enlightenment. During her time as Grand Duchess, she had studied many of their works. She adored Voltaire, especially, and began a correspondence with him after becoming Empress that would last 15 years. When philosopher Denis Diderot fell upon hard times and decided to sell his only remaining asset, his library, Catherine offered a thousand pounds more than his asking price, with <i>one </i>condition - the books should remain in Diderot's possession for his lifetime.<br />
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She embarked on an ambitious project - to completely rewrite the Russian legal code, which was a sorry mess. There <i>was </i>no complete sets of statutes; new laws often appeared with no reference to previous laws, imperial decrees made a hash out of previous imperial decrees. Catherine wanted to clean up the statutes, and institute new laws based on Enlightenment principles. From Massie's <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/241548164" target="_blank"><b>Catherine the Great</b></a>:<br />
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Her plan was to summon a national assembly elected from all of the free social classes and ethnic groups of the empire. She would listen to their complaints and invite them to propose new laws to correct these flaws.</blockquote>
She spent two years creating a set of guiding principles, upon which the new laws were to be founded, called the <i>Nakaz</i>. Catherine was against capital punishment, except in cases involving politcal murder, sedition, treason, or civil war. She condemned torture. She tried to put into place the idea that serfdom should be gradually abolished, but was met with such strong opposition from her own nobles, that those passages in the <i>Nakaz </i>allowing serfs to accumulate property and buy their own freedom were omitted from the final version.<br />
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The Legislative Commission, when finally assembled, had 564 delegates. Noblemen, towns, peasants, tribes (Cossacks, Volga), even religions (Christian, Muslim, Buddhist) sent representatives.<br />
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These varied peoples, some of whom were illiterate, got along <i>almost </i>as well as the current United States Congress. Each of them had his own agenda, which he felt should be <i>the </i>priority of the Commission. After more than 200 sittings and subcommittees meetings, the Commission dissolved, without creating a single new law or cleaning up and old one.<br />
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<h3>
Multi-Tasking, You Say?</h3>
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In the absence of a reliable Russian legislative body, Catherine herself worked to gradually reform the laws. She also began collecting works of art (The Hermitage Museum, one of the finest in the world, began as her private collection). She built palaces and villages. She bore another child, a daughter, with Orlov. She placed her former lover, Poniatowski, as King of Poland. When smallpox raged across Europe and Asia, and the controversial idea of vaccination was in its infancy, she read up on the research, and had herself vaccinated, though the consensus in all Europe except Britain was that it was much too dangerous. Three weeks later, after very mild smallpox symptoms and minor discomfort, she had Paul inoculated. Inoculation clinics were established across Russia and thousands followed in her footsteps; later, millions, within and outside of Russia.<br />
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She quashed rebellions (like a zombie, her husband Peter was periodically declared to be alive). To the distress of the new King of Poland, Russia, along with Prussia and Austria, each helped themselves to a third of what had once belonged to Poland. Russia would end up taking two more large slices, like a binge eater going back for chocolate cake. Then there were the wars with Turkey, which would result in yet more Russian territory gained, this time in the Crimea along the Sea of Azov and the Black Sea. <br />
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After breaking off with an unfaithful Orlov, Catherine had a brief fling with a young man who bored her to tears. Then came Gregory Potemkin. He would be her adviser, military commander in chief, her lover, and possibly her secret husband, for seventeen years.<br />
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<h3>
She Did Suck at Being A Mother</h3>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 300px;">Portrait Of Grand Duke Pavel Petrovich Romanov<br />
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Motherhood doesn't come natural to everyone, especially those who grew up, like Catherine, with a mother who was first unloving, then basically pimped her out. Catherine was never given a chance to mother her two oldest children, and as for the two younger, illegitimate children, they were raised by their father. There were those who felt she should serve only as Regent for her son, Paul, so besides being virtual strangers, Catherine's son was also her political rival.<br />
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Following in Empress Elizabeth's footsteps, Catherine found a bride for Paul when he was quite young. Unfortunately, Natalia was in love with Paul's best friend, and worse, she died after five excruciating days of labor with her unborn son, who died with her. Another German princess, Sophia of Wutettemburg, was selected to become Maria and marry Paul. Their first two (out of nine) children were sons, Alexander and Constantine. As Elizabeth had done, Empress Catherine selected the names and at least partially took over raising them. It is thought she intended to name Alexander her heir, completely bypassing Paul, but died before she could change her will. (Or was it stolen and destroyed?)<br />
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<h3>
About Those Young Guardsmen</h3>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 300px;">Catherine the Great - the most famous Russian Empress of German descent (Photo credit: <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Johann-Baptist_Lampi_d._%C3%84._007.jpg" target="_blank">Wikipedia</a>)</td></tr>
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Catherine said of herself, "I couldn't live for a day without love." Besides Sergei Saltykov, who first seduced her, she had a few longtime loves, like Poniatowski, Orlov, and Potemkin. Then there were those "favorites" who each did about a two year stint and were retired with jewels, money. palaces, and country estates. From Robert K. Massie's <i>Catherine the Great</i>: <br />
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She never apologized for her favorites or indicated that she considered these arrangements unseemly. All of her favorites were openly acknowledged; indeed, nothing seemed more normal than the matter-of-fact attitude with which these men were regarded by the court and society. Their presence at court was a constant. She was the heavily burdened ruler of a great empire as well as a proud and passionate woman, and she had neither time nor inclination to explain or quibble. She was lonely and she needed a partner, someone with whom to share not power but conversation, laughter, and human warmth. Therein lay one of the problems confronting her: the love of power and the power to attract love were not easy to reconcile.</blockquote>
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<h3>
What Would Catherine Say of Herself? </h3>
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We don't have to guess, because after the death of her lover/partner Potemkin, Catherine wrote her own epitaph:<br />
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Here Lies Catherine the Second<br />
<ul>
<li>Born in Stettin on April 21, 1729</li>
<li>In the year 1744, she went to Russia to marry Peter III. At the age of fourteen, she made the threefold resolution to please her husband, Elizabeth, and the nation. She neglected nothing in trying to achieve this. Eighteen years of boredom and loneliness gave her the opportunity to read many books.</li>
<li>When she came to the throne of Russia she wished to do what was good for her country and tried to bring happiness, liberty, and prosperity to her subjects.</li>
<li>She forgave easily and hated no one. She was good-natured, easy-going, tolerant, understanding, and of a happy disposition. She had a republican spirit and a kind heart.</li>
<li>She made many friends.</li>
<li>She took pleasure in her work.</li>
<li>She loved the arts.</li>
</ul>
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She died on November 6, 1796, at age 67, after being Empress for 34 years. She was buried at the Peter and Paul Cathedral in St. Petersburg.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCYkIGvC5MRAL2mp1J48AWK6YC9FdWGDwx0cmQCCRnRT7mqq20vBUq-rtQTNC9E2PzZIRCGUn5fGquoTVNVgGQLPxecg1-yVdZu442zhZsxl2rB3aqL_MekQXPF2VBfPjjhVjQER1NtsyS/s1600/Women's+Rights.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="494" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCYkIGvC5MRAL2mp1J48AWK6YC9FdWGDwx0cmQCCRnRT7mqq20vBUq-rtQTNC9E2PzZIRCGUn5fGquoTVNVgGQLPxecg1-yVdZu442zhZsxl2rB3aqL_MekQXPF2VBfPjjhVjQER1NtsyS/s640/Women's+Rights.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<br />
<b>Past Sluts:</b><br />
<ul>
<li><a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/04/slut-of-month-anais-nin.html" target="_blank">Anaïs Nin</a> </li>
<li><a href="http://www.writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/06/slut-of-month-anne-boleyn.html" target="_blank">Anne Boleyn</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/05/slut-of-month-ava-gardner.html" target="_blank">Ava Gardner</a></li>
<li><a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/01/slut-of-month-boudicca.html" target="_blank">Boudicca</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/10/slut-of-month-cleopatra.html" target="_blank">Cleopatra </a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/09/slut-of-month-hwang-jini-korean-poet.html" target="_blank">Hwang Jini</a> </li>
<li><a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/03/slut-of-month-jezebel.html" target="_blank">Jezebel</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/08/slut-of-month-dr-m-joycelyn-elders.html" target="_blank">Dr. Joycelyn Elders</a> </li>
<li><a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/07/slut-of-month-unsinkable-molly-brown.html">The "Unsinkable Molly Brown" </a></li>
<li><a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/02/slut-of-month-peggy-lee.html" target="_blank">Peggy Lee</a></li>
<li><a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/11/slut-of-month-rita-moreno.html" target="_blank">Rita Moreno </a></li>
</ul>
<b><br /></b><b>Upcoming Sluts of the Month:</b><br />
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<li>Mae West</li>
<li>Joan of Kent</li>
<li>Sandra Fluke </li>
<li>Morgan le Fey</li>
<li>Aspasia</li>
<li>Madonna</li>
<li>Liz Taylor</li>
<li>Dorothy Parker </li>
<li>Kassandra of Troy</li>
<li>Tullia d'Aragona</li>
<li>Josephine Baker </li>
<li>Marie Antoinette</li>
<li>Lillie Langtry</li>
<li>Eleanor Roosevelt </li>
<li>Rhiannon</li>
<li>Shelley Winters</li>
<li>Mary, Queen of Scots</li>
<li>"Klondike Kate" Rockwell</li>
<li>Catherine de Medici</li>
<li>Lucrezia Borgia</li>
<li>Umrao Jaan</li>
<li>Sarah Bernhardt</li>
<li>Matilda of Tuscany </li>
<li>Cher</li>
<li>Eleanor of Aquitaine </li>
<li>Theodora (wife of Emperor Justinian) </li>
<li>Angelina Jolie </li>
<li>Jeanne d'Arc</li>
<li>Margaret Sanger</li>
<li>Coco Chanel </li>
<li>Isadora Duncan</li>
<li>Sappho</li>
<li>Joan of Kent </li>
<li>Dorothy Dandridge</li>
<li>Eva Perón</li>
<li>Susan B. Anthony</li>
<li>Natalie Wood</li>
<li>Diana, Princess of Wales</li>
<li>Hillary Rodham Clinton</li>
<li>Mata Hari</li>
<li>Lady Gaga</li>
<li>Malala Yousafzai</li>
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<i>Did you know anything about Catherine the Great - beside the horse myth?</i><br />
<i> Was she a "good slut," or a "bad slut"?</i><br />
<i>Your thoughts?</i></div>
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Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-55003897354724524652013-11-26T05:00:00.000-08:002013-11-26T05:00:04.564-08:00Ask Sexpert Walker Thornton - Part 2<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container zemanta-img" style="float: right; margin-right: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 300px;">It starts with her beauty in my eyes, it moves to her scent in my nose...(Photo credit: <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Nipping_the_Nape.png" target="_blank">Wikipedia</a>)</td></tr>
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I needed to pump Walker's brain with just one more question... with variations.<a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/11/ask-sexpert-walker-thornton-you-know.html" target="_blank"> Click here to read Part 1</a>.<br />
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<b>My blog readers here are of all ages. What sexual advice would you offer your 25-year-old self - and her sisters?</b><br />
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At every age women need to take precautions against sexually transmitted infections—unless both parties have been tested and found free of any STIs. Don’t assume your partner will carry protection—take control of your own sexual choices and be safe.<br />
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I wish I had understood my own body and my sexual needs at age 25. Take the time to learn your body and how it responds to sexual pleasure. What feels good? What would you share with a partner about your sexual desires? You deserve to have great sex with a partner who respects you. I’d suggest you read <a href="http://dodsonandross.com/">DodsonandRoss.com</a>—their site has wonderful videos and instructional information on self-pleasuring and the female anatomy.<br />
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I’d also tell 25-year olds, and women of all ages, to be selective in looking for sexual partners. Let your intuition guide you. Sex between two people should be about mutual pleasure. The man who rushes to ‘stick it in’ isn’t interested in satisfying you. Find someone else! You deserve it.<br />
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<b>35-year-old?</b><br />
<br />
All those changes in life, marital status, work, children, often result in a loss of self-identity. We become the mom, the wife, the volunteer, etc. Make time for yourself every now and then—sensuous indulgences are important as well as those quiet moments that help you relax. This is a great time to explore the shifts in your relationship and initiate conversation with your partner about your sexual needs. Strong communication helps build a strong sexual connection. <br />
<br />
<b>45-year-old?</b><br />
<br />
This may be a time for a reality check around your sex life. Are you in the pre-menopausal stage? Is it affecting your sex life? If so, address it now! Experiment to spark up a sex life that might feel a little stale. Sex goddesses come in all ages, sizes and stages of life. Think sexy and you’ll feel sexy. You are not old. You are midway through and in the prime of your life.<br />
<br />
<b>55-year-old? </b><br />
<br />
This is a time of transformation for many women. Fears about aging sometimes get in the way and keep us from having positive expectations. Sex can still be quite good. (I’m a better lover than I was at any other time in my life) If you’re having issues related to menopause find a trusted friend or good doctor to talk to. Invest in a good organic lubricant and use it even if you don’t experience vaginal dryness…it enhances sexual pleasure. Work on staying sexually engaged, even when you don’t feel the urge—there are great health benefits associated with staying sexually active. If you’re single do not assume that sexually transmitted infections are for the young. STIs and HIV are rising in older populations. Buy some condoms and keep them handy.<br />
<br />
<b>65 & beyond? </b><br />
<br />
Sexual arousal is and always has been partly centered in the brain. If you’ve got the right mind set at 65 or 70, you can keep a healthy outlook on sex. Are there bodily changes to worry about? You can find solutions for most concerns that arise with aging or post-menopausal issues. The ability to orgasm remains with us, it may change over time but we don’t lose our capacity for orgasm or sexual pleasure. We may simply redefine what gives us pleasure. Remember that men change as well. You can have great fun exploring the new things available to you and a partner. Age is not a barrier to sex.<br />
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<i><b>Walker Thornton</b> is a 59-year-old divorced woman on a mission to help women over 50 discover their sexuality. As a freelance writer and blogger, she specializes in women's issues. She writes a weekly sex expert column at Better After 50 (<a href="http://betterafter50.com/category/ba50-experts/walker-thornton/">http://betterafter50.com/category/ba50-experts/walker-thornton/</a>) and can be found at her blog, Walker Thornton (<a href="http://www.walkerthornton.com/">www.walkerthornton.com</a>) and at the Diva of Dating (<a href="http://thedivaofdating.com/">http://thedivaofdating.com</a>) You can also follow her on twitter (<a href="http://twitter.com/WalkerThornton">http://twitter.com/WalkerThornton</a>).</i><br />
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Got questions?</div>
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Comments?</div>
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Anything you wish someone had told you, at age XX?<br />
(Hey, and if you find this post helpful, please <i>share </i>it.)</div>
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Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-92092848513473694592013-11-25T05:00:00.000-08:002013-11-25T07:58:19.477-08:00Ask Sexpert Walker Thornton - You KNOW You Want ToLet's face it: we're <i>all </i>interested in sex. But despite how often we might <i>think </i>about it, do we get an opportunity to ask questions of a Real Life Sexpert? As an author of erotic women's fiction, I am thrilled and honored to welcome <a href="http://www.walkerthornton.com/" target="_blank"><b>Walker Thornton</b></a> to <b><i>Writing in Flow</i></b>, for an interview.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 300px;">English: Sexual theme warning tag from Kijkwijzer Português: Etiqueta de aviso sexual da Kijkwijzer (Photo credit: <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Sex.png" target="_blank">Wikipedia</a>)</td></tr>
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<b>1) So what made you decide to become an online Sexpert, as opposed to, say, making muffins or restoring classic cars? Why are you passionate about <i>this </i>issue?</b> <br />
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I had been writing blogs for a number of years and I would touch on sex occasionally but I had a real shift about 2 years ago that coincided with my work in the field of violence against women and my personal life. I began encountering women who weren't comfortable talking about sexuality and didn't know where to turn for advice or help. And, I came across so much information that wasn't informative or was judgmental and off-putting. <br />
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I like talking about sex and I feel comfortable doing so--that's something that many women can't claim. We're often too embarrassed to admit to our feelings or be able to talk openly about what works sexually and what doesn't. I am in the process of writing a guide for women and building speaking opportunities around the topic.<br />
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As to why I'm passionate about the issue? All around us are voices saying sex isn't for older women, proclaiming the end of sexuality with the onset of menopause. And, it's just not true. We can have a passionate sex life, however we individually define it, well into our 80s. I'm not the lone speaker on this, you and others I've run into have an interest in giving a sex-positive message for older women. I like to think my writing is clear and helpful-compelling even. [Bev here: TOTALLY agree that Walker's writing is clear, helpful and compelling.] Many women of our age don't want to read overly explicit material and they don't want to become Tantric masters, nor are they interested in content written for 20-30 somethings. My writing filling in that gap. Not that I ever want to be called practical or mainstream! <br />
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<b>2) We grow up with many different beliefs about sex and sexuality, some of which are factually wrong (pulling out is an effective method of birth control), others which are culturally driven (masturbation is a sin, nice women don't want sex as much as men do). Which message have you seen that most often gets in the way of women enjoying a healthy sexuality, and how do we erase or write over a "tape" that may have been replaying in our heads for several decades? </b><br />
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To a degree all of those messages play out for women our age. But I think the most damaging message women have incorporated is that we're not supposed to want to have sex. We grew up being told to protect ourselves from men. Protect your virginity. Don't look too eager. Let him lead. Good girls don’t want sex. Remember the old story about keeping your knees tightly pressed together as a way of protecting ourselves? My mother warned me that by sleeping with my future husband I’d be like a used shoe and no other guy would want me.<br />
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Women aren't encouraged to be sexual beings—we’re reared to think of ourselves as receptacles. We are taught to please a man, without learning the tools to our own satisfaction. If we can’t own our sexuality how can we ask for the sexual touch we want and need? I think this inability contributes to a diminishing of sexual desire and a sort of acceptance. The “<i>Oh well, it was never very good so I don’t miss sex</i>.”<br />
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There are many women, of all ages, who enjoy sex immensely, but they're not always willing to talk about it due to the shame factor. Our society doesn't support women as sexual beings; sexual objects yes, but there's a difference. <br />
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How do we change this? The older woman has a great opportunity here. We can provide strong role models for our daughters and granddaughters as we learn to embrace and proclaim who we are. I see myself, at 59, as having little to lose by being open about my sexuality. We're not worrying about pregnancy, we are generally more responsible in choices and we have the maturity and experience to enjoy sex without the hangups and issues of our younger days. <br />
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You and I write about sex in a way that gives women permission to explore and expand their own sexuality. We help to erase the shame by showing examples of powerful women who embrace all of who they are. When we talk about delicate topics we help women normalize their sexuality. Embarrassment serves to keep women quiet, reluctant to reach out. I get emails with questions and comments that women aren't willing to share on the website. Readers often thank me for talking about sexuality--women are starved for good solid information. Getting answers and seeing someone their age putting a human face on sexuality is helpful. I like to say that I'm leading by example. Who knew having good sex and writing about it could be so much fun? <br />
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<b>3) Who knew having good sex and writing about it could be so much fun? Romance writers, that's who! (Though we cannot make assumptions about any author's sex life based on the material she or he writes, any more than we can assume an author who writes about serial killers is one.) </b><br />
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<b>A few years ago, a "family and relationships expert" came out with the provocative statement that reading romance novels was bad for women - that it would lead them to have unrealistic expectations in their own marriages. What's been your experience and research as to whether women who regularly read romantic fiction have better/healthier relationships and sex lives, or whether it hurts them?</b><br />
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As a writer I don't believe that any reading is bad for us. But, and, it depends on what the reader is looking for. If a woman is experiencing problems in her marriage and thinks that the romance novel structure of relationships is going to help her with her issues then it becomes problematic. If she is bored and seeking escapist fantasy then a well written romance or erotic article or book is lots of fun. <br />
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The wide success of the 50 Shades series points to the fact that women want something more--they want to read about erotic adventures and I suspect their sex lives are getting a little spicier. I don't really know if we've had enough research yet on that topic?<br />
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Fiction is just that, it's a made up story and often does not reflect the majority of women's experiences with relationships or sex. Like porn it has entertainment value but should not be used as a tool for learning 'how to.'<br />
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<b>Walker Thornton</b> is a 59-year-old divorced woman on a mission to help women over 50 discover their sexuality. As a freelance writer and blogger, she specializes in women's issues. She writes a weekly sex expert column at <b><i>Better After 50</i></b> (<a href="http://betterafter50.com/category/ba50-experts/walker-thornton/">http://betterafter50.com/category/ba50-experts/walker-thornton/</a>) and can be found at her blog, Walker Thornton (<a href="http://www.walkerthornton.com/">www.walkerthornton.com</a>) and at the Diva of Dating (<a href="http://thedivaofdating.com/">http://thedivaofdating.com</a>) You can also follow her on twitter (<a href="http://twitter.com/WalkerThornton">http://twitter.com/WalkerThornton</a>).<br />
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Tune in tomorrow as Walker's advice and wisdom continues for women of ALL ages.<br />
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<i>Comments?</i></div>
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<i>Questions?</i></div>
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<i>Your thoughts?</i></div>
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Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-80510777760091784182013-11-18T05:00:00.000-08:002013-12-03T07:43:53.641-08:00Gratitude, An Attitude Easier Said Than Felt<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container zemanta-img" style="float: right; margin-right: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 154px;">Dalai lama lotus (Photo credit: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Dalai_lama_lotus.jpg" target="_blank">Wikipedia</a>)</td></tr>
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<b><span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">Does anybody else sometimes choke on the whole "attitude of gratitude" thing, which can go down drier than an overcooked turkey at Thanksgiving?
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There are people who've seemingly <i>mastered </i>the art/skill/attitude of gratitude (Dalai Lama, I'm looking at <i>you</i>). For me, certain skills come naturally, and others must be cultivated, and others (Photoshop, you bitch!) are a FAIL no matter how much I study and struggle and repeat over and over again. I <i>want </i>to "be grateful," and sometimes I am, but I think I was born a natural sourpuss.<br />
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Kathy Gottberg over at <a href="http://smartliving365.com/" target="_blank">SMARTLiving365</a> is awesome at it, and is running a whole series this month on Gratitude.<br />
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I've tried making lists. I've tried keeping a <b><i>Gratitude Journal</i></b>.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I've filled out at least the first 10-15 pages in this.<br />
I'm grateful that I <i>have </i>it.... doesn't that count for something?</td></tr>
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While my lovely Gratitude Journal has now become yet another guilt-inducing object in my home, one which, like organizing my photos, I fully intend to get back to, one of these days, I have found at least a couple of things which work for me regarding Gratitude.<br />
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<span style="color: blue;">1 - You Don't Always Have to <i>Feel </i>It</span></h3>
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One of these days I intend to write a book, working title: <b><i>101 Surprisingly Useful Things I Learned From Being in a Religious Cult.</i></b><br />
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Anyway, one of the things my particular cult (COBU/Forever Family, for anyone who's interested) hammered on was that love was <i>not </i>the warm-gushy feeling you had towards another person - that, in fact, you could love someone while not "feelin' it" whatsoever. Your love was measured more by your actions toward that person, by taking a step back and seeking their higher good, rather than seeking to please the other person <i>in the moment</i>.<br />
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For example, as a loving parent, you got your kids their innoculations, even if that was a hassle and they cried and said they hated you. (I know, I know, there is all kinds of controversy now about vaccination schedules, etc., but let's put that to the side for a moment.) It doesn't <i>feel </i>good to get your kids a shot, or to ignore a screaming tantrum in the grocery store. And yet, it is the most loving thing you can do, even if it <i>feels </i>like crap.<br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">Letting go of the notion that <i>Being </i>Grateful = <i>Feeling </i>Grateful allows me to include all the life lessons that aren't particularly warm, fuzzy, or comfortable <i>at this time.</i></span><br />
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I realize, looking back at my life, that many of my most important life lessons were pretty horrible in the moment. For instance, one of my earliest jobs was working in a home improvement store. I was a cashier; the sales people on the floor (all male) earned more money than cashiers.<br />
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I wanted more money, and knew that given the chance, I could do... <i>most </i>of it. I applied, and they gave it to me, with various caveats; I would still have to cashier, if and when the necessity arose, and I would get the "girl" departments: home decor, housewares, and seasonal. "If you can't do it, of course, you can always go back to being a full-time cashier.<br />
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"And, oh, yeah. As part of your duties as part of 'seasonal,' you have to put together these gas barbecues."<br />
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The assembly directions were crappy, the illustrations confusing, the bags o' billions o' parts were terrifying, and I had grown up with a totally unmechanical father, who never did so much as check the oil or tire pressure in our car. I'm not sure I had even <i>held </i>a wrench or screwdriver before. I felt persecuted, totally in over my head, and set up to fail.<br />
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And yet, I managed, through toil and sweat and despair and getting a little help here and there, to take it one step at a time, and I put those suckers together. I did it; I did not let the task or The Man beat me.<br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">Did I <i>feel </i>grateful for the life lesson at the time? Oh, <i>hell </i>no! I felt scared and inadequate and miserable. <i>Until I completed it.</i></span><br />
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Do I feel grateful now? It has become one of the most powerful lessons of my life, but there was no way I could tell that when I was in the middle of it, surrounded by billions o' tiny unidentifiable parts and one more blood blister away from giving up. I often look back and say to myself, "Hey, if I can put together a thrice-cursed gas barbecue, I can do this thing."<br />
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<span style="color: blue;">2 - A Gratitude Jar Works Better for <i>Me </i>than a Gratitude Journal.</span></h3>
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Sometime close to the beginning of 2013 I picked up the idea of a gratitude jar, rather than a journal, diary, or list. I just spent 30 minutes trying to track down WHO gave me the idea, but since it's gone viral, everybody has their own spin on it, so if YOU were the one... I am grateful for you.<br />
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The idea is to keep a clear jar - whatever size floats your boat, whatever decorations make you squee - and put little scraps o' paper in it, to commemorate things for which you feel grateful. Then on December 31 of each year, part of the ritual is to empty and read all the wonderful things that have been dropped into the Gratitude Jar, and start over in the New Year with a new one.<br />
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I started with a small jar, then decided I would need LOTS of room. Found this fabulous big roomy one that reminded me of <i><a class="zem_slink" href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058815/" rel="imdb" target="_blank" title="I Dream of Jeannie">I Dream of Jeannie</a></i> on sale at TJ Maxx.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVSj5xLhL1rKz6z4XIMYgzhMr2XaTPpcmmPCMmK_p80ZRxuACvm5T88Q5-HJOcFQGorr3h1SHnGs-TzguPI3v2RtwZGJUPzjIGBpdbPJOFY7HJ-0akO2Bl9Vs7vei_-JkWOALLeg8PhpYR/s1600/2009-08-08+16-09-11_0034.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVSj5xLhL1rKz6z4XIMYgzhMr2XaTPpcmmPCMmK_p80ZRxuACvm5T88Q5-HJOcFQGorr3h1SHnGs-TzguPI3v2RtwZGJUPzjIGBpdbPJOFY7HJ-0akO2Bl9Vs7vei_-JkWOALLeg8PhpYR/s640/2009-08-08+16-09-11_0034.JPG" width="385" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Early Days with my Gratitude Jar</td></tr>
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(The background of baby pictures and various texts is my visionboard - more on that later.)<br />
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Anyway, as I've read online, some people show an almost Nazi-ish discipline... they vill put somezing into ze Gratitude Yar efry zingle day, ya?<br />
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Others put only the really <i>significant </i>things into their Gratitude Jar.<br />
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IMO, if it works for you and your family, <b>there is no One Right Way</b>. Personally, I have become a Gratitude Junkie, looking for something fabulous to drop in, as often as possible. But sometimes a couple weeks will pass and I <i>haven't</i> added to the jar. Other times, I will put in 2-4 slips on the same day. (Please don't rat me out to the Gratitude Nazis!)<br />
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I decided to pick up some colorful min-index cards, just cuz, and I love the way they look, all rainbow-y in the jar.<br />
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I keep the jar near the front door of my apartment, so it's easy to add something, either on my way in from the day job, or on my way out in the morning.<br />
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I take gratitude notes on a variety of things, big and small. A really gorgeous sunset. A much-enjoyed visit from an out-of-town relative. A clean report on my latest mammogram.<br />
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And I find though I have realized that gratitude is more than that in-the-moment feeling, that I <i>do </i>feel more gratitude every time I look at my jar. I look at all those colorful bits of paper and realize, wow, I have had an <i>amazing </i>year.<br />
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However you get to Gratitude, I encourage you to choose what works<i> for you</i>.<br />
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As we approach America's Thanksgiving, I may or may not end up spending time with my biological family - we are now pretty spread out, and there are various "things" going on with various family members. But I do feel very grateful for an extended family who are largely supportive and wonderful. (And as to those who aren't, well, they make great <i>character </i>material, so I'm grateful for them, too, and the lessons they have taught me.)<br />
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I'm also very grateful that Sexpert Walker Thornton will be back this upcoming Monday to chat about, yep, Sex. (Think about signing up for blog notification via email so you don't miss it.)<br />
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<i>What 's your take on Gratitude?</i></div>
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<i>Do you have a jar, journal, or technique to track your grats?</i></div>
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<i>Your thoughts?</i><br />
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<i><b>Adding this to Kathy's Gratitude BlogHop</b></i></div>
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Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-8030866240632533432013-11-11T05:00:00.000-08:002013-11-11T05:00:08.692-08:00Burn Up Those Bookmarks, Baby!<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container zemanta-img" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/24015481@N08/6129164008" imageanchor="1" style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: clear:right;"><img alt="Zombie Cows" border="0" class="zemanta-img-inserted" height="192" src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6074/6129164008_fe8a76414f_m.jpg" style="border: none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="240" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 240px;">Zombie Cows (Photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/24015481@N08/6129164008" target="_blank">rwillia532</a>)</td></tr>
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Am I the only one who's been drowning in bookmarks, subscriptions, emails, and other electronic clutter?</div>
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For all I knew, I had data on my 'puters that, properly sorted and collated, could cure cancer, make me a best-selling author, <i>and </i>help me survive the Zombie Apocalypse. Only it is/was so hopelessly dogpiled together that I could be clicking on links til the zombie cows came home. "I know I was just looking at that last week... I think it's right the... No, I bet it's... Aaargh!"<br />
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(In passing, am I the only one surprised to find that the idea of zombie cows is actually a thing?)</div>
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<a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:FxAnimated128.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: clear:right;"><img alt="Animated Firefox logo (aPNG)" border="0" class="zemanta-img-inserted" height="128" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c5/FxAnimated128.png" style="border: none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="128" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 128px;">Animated Firefox logo (aPNG) (Photo credit: <a href="http://commons.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:FxAnimated128.png" target="_blank">Wikipedia</a>)</td></tr>
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<h3>
One Browser To Rule Them All</h3>
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At home, I was using Firefox, because... I dunno, I wanted to get pages loaded before I expired of old age, with Explorer? Because Firefox is the bastard grandchild of my beloved Netscape, and kinda sexy besides? I'm a fan of Ylvis? </div>
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But at my day job, I began using Google Chrome, because I found out it would auto-translate pages into English, and being a typical Amurrican, my secondary language skillz are limited more to the <i>la plume bleu de ma tante</i> (my aunt's blue pen) variety.<br />
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I was <i>pretty </i>sure, when negotiating a banking page in an alternate language, that I was merely transferring funds from one account to another, but there was always this lingering fear... <i>Did I just sign my client up to donate a kidney?</i><br />
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So, Google Chrome and its handy-dandy built-in translator solved <i>that </i>problem. And then I discovered that, like NSA Gone Wild, as long as I was signed into my Google email, Google knew what I was doing, <i>everywhere</i>.<br />
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On my laptop. On my home 'puter. Google <i>knew </i>and it <i>would synch my bookmarks</i>.</div>
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Rather than giving me the creeps, I felt cherished and safe, like holding my old tattered blankie. No more would I bookmark the same damn site over and over again. Or export my bookmarks from one browser and import them into another, with about 2/3 of them reduplicated from the <i>last </i>time I'd done that, and yet somehow, the new bookmarks I <i>really </i>wanted, were left behind like Hansel and Gretel, <i>sans </i>breadcrumbs.<br />
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Google Chrome for all it is, then.<br />
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<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/79391933@N00/90811910" imageanchor="1" style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: clear:right;"><img alt="'THAT WAS EASY!'" border="0" class="zemanta-img-inserted" height="300" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/43/90811910_4bd1985f37_m.jpg" style="border: none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="400" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center;">'THAT WAS EASY!' (Photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/79391933@N00/90811910" target="_blank">joepopp</a>)</td></tr>
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YMMV (Your Mileage May Vary). For all I know Firefox now has a translator, or Explorer does, or whatever you're using. Mebbe <i>they </i>synch, too. If you don't need the translation stuff, and you're happy with your browser, or you don't access multiple computers, use what works <i>for you.</i><br />
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<a href="http://www.last.fm/music/Johnny%2BDepp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: clear:right;"><img alt="Johnny Depp" border="0" class="zemanta-img-inserted" height="320" src="http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/126/3767150.jpg" style="border: none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="240" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center;">Cover of <a href="http://www.last.fm/music/Johnny%2BDepp" target="_blank">Johnny Depp</a></td></tr>
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For you Mac-lovers... whatever. My day job requires me to use a PC, so Macs might offer more fun and excitement than a three-way with Channing Tatum and Ryan Gosling, but... Still not doable for <i>me.</i><br />
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Besides, I'd rather have George Clooney and... Johnny Depp, mebbe?<br />
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<h3>
Everybody's Here, Coach - Now What?</h3>
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Always, KISS (<b>K</b>eep <b>I</b>t <b>S</b>imple, <b>S</b>tupid) when you can. I put six folders right on the toolbar, plus a couple of <i>extremely </i>vital links, like my <b><i><a href="http://www.pinterest.com/writerbeverly/" target="_blank">Pinterest </a></i></b><i>Pin It</i> Button.:<br />
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<li>Work Links</li>
<li>Social Media</li>
<li>Writing</li>
<li>Blogging</li>
<li>Personal</li>
<li>Other Bookmarks</li>
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<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Mullet.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: clear:right;"><img alt="Mullet" border="0" class="zemanta-img-inserted" height="200" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/3e/Mullet.JPG" style="border: none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="149" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center; width: 232px;">Mullet (Photo credit: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Mullet.JPG" target="_blank">Wikipedia</a>)</td></tr>
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<b><i>Work Links</i></b> go first, my bookmark Mullet (business in the front, party in the back). <b><i>Social Media</i></b> is next - since I use that for both work and personal. Inside <i>that </i>are subfolders for FaceBook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+, and a couple other things. So whenever I come across a really good article 'splaining how to use one of the above, I not only bookmark it, but <i>save it to the proper subfolder</i> Now I have an actual chance of finding it again, when I am stuck on something, and Lordy, do I get stuck.<br />
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<h3>
And Behind Door Number Two...</h3>
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I had approximately 3,462 bookmarks all about writing. Many of the sites and blog posts were <span style="color: #bf9000;"><b><i>writing gold</i></b></span> (not to be confused with author <a class="g-profile" href="http://plus.google.com/109316919176233951000" target="_blank">+Jami Gold</a>, whose writer tips are also a thing of beauty and a joy forever). But all jumbled together, I couldn't ever <i>find </i>the damn links I needed, when I needed 'em.<br />
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Here's my first pass at breaking them down into subfolders.</div>
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My thought was to make the folder specific enough that I don't have to hunt for whatever, but general enough so each holds more than a few things. For example, I didn't set up folders for First Person POV, Third Person POV, or Omniscient POV - all good bookmarks on writing Points Of View go into <b><i>POV</i></b>.</div>
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I contemplated combining <b><i>Outlining </i></b>and <b><i>Plots & Scenarios</i></b>, but decided, for me, there's enough of a distinction to keep them separate. For me, <b><i>Outlines </i></b>are more the detailed breakdown of what happens in each Chapter, possibly even deeper, into each scene. Whereas a <b><i>Scenario </i></b>is more the first vague idea of characters and setting (32 year old female scientist and 26 year old male cop find love while battling the Zombie Apocalypse), and <b><i>Plot </i></b>would be more detailed, akin to the back cover blurb.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption zemanta-img-attribution" style="text-align: center;">Lipstick Kiss (Photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/93421824@N06/8533006235" target="_blank">Filter Forge</a>)</td></tr>
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I intend to create more folders as time goes on and as I dig through my Research-General Folder. I'm planning to move <b><i>Pasadena </i></b>elsewhere; probably I will create a <b><i>Locations </i></b>folder, and <b><i>Pasadena </i></b>and other extensively researched locations will become subfolders of that one.<br />
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Again, YYMV. Just make sure that however you choose to arrange your folder and stepfolders, you <b><i>KISS</i></b>.<br />
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Why Is Blogging The Red-Headed Stepchild? Shouldn't It Be Part of Social Media? Or Writing?</h3>
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Of course it's part of both, but it's its own beastie, too. Inside of <b><i>Blogging</i></b>, I have a subfolder called <b><i>Blogging-Images</i></b> that contains links to all the free of royalty/license sites, like Flickr Creative Commons and Wikimedia Commons, and more, plus some posts on how to work with images. I have subfolders for <b><i>Blogging Tips/Promotion</i></b> posts, and for those on specific subject matter, like <b><i>Sluts</i></b>, for my <i>Slut of the Month</i> research. <b><i>Writing </i></b>I am choosing to keep <strike>sacred </strike>separate for posts and sites about writing actual novels, essays, and short stories.<br />
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<b><i>Personal </i></b>is the stuff that's, well, <i>personal</i>. In <b><i>Other Bookmarks</i></b> I am saving the stuff that I am interested in that's it's own thing; I have a Tudors subfolder, for example, even though I've already blogged about <a href="http://www.writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/06/slut-of-month-anne-boleyn.html" target="_blank">Anne Boleyn</a> and don't have any blog or writing projects on them. I just like Tudor History, mmm'kay?<br />
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The beauty of this, now that I have taken advantage of a couple nights of insomnia and filtered everything on my home 'puter, is when next I go out for <b><i>Shut Up and Write!</i></b> and turn on my laptop - all changes will synch. If I'm spending a work lunch break reading blogs while I eat, and stumble upon something marvelous on my work 'puter, I can just Bookmark it there and know it'll be waiting for me when I get home.<br />
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Yay, bookmarks. But then there's...<br />
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<a href="http://www.crunchbase.com/product/gmail" imageanchor="1" style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: clear:right;"><img alt="Image representing Gmail as depicted in CrunchBase" border="0" class="zemanta-img-inserted" height="112" src="http://www.crunchbase.com/assets/images/resized/0001/2806/12806v97-max-250x250.png" style="border: none; font-size: 0.8em;" width="250" /></a></div>
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<h3>
Filters - Not Just For Water Bottles Any More</h3>
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I won't spend a lot of time on this, because Anson Alexander does it soooo much better. But I will say that I was stressing over a jillion emails hitting my inbox everyday, and just Not. Being. Able. To. Stay. Current.<br />
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Learning to use filters has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. I can now sort my newsletter subscriptions into folders/labels, and "do" all my Google+ things together.<br />
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Basically, this is traditional fall housecleaning, just like my mama used to do. Only I did not actually take the salad spinner and party platters out of the cupboard and wipe off my shelves.<br />
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<i>What tips do you have on organizing your bookmarks and email?</i><br />
<i>What folders, subfolders, or filters do you use?</i></div>
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<i>Your thoughts?</i></div>
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Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-37715181255540500932013-10-30T14:06:00.000-07:002013-10-30T14:06:09.392-07:00Happy Fat-Shaming Halloween #bodyimage #bullyingWhere, oh where, do children learn to be bullies?
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Unless you've been hiding in a cave, you've probably seen this letter, faxed by someone named "Cheryl" to a radio talk show, who announced she would be giving this form to a select group of children tomorrow.<br />
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There has been a wave of furious commenting on this letter. Most of the comments condemn the writer; a few applaud her "honesty" and "stepping forward to say something." Others have focused on the likelihood that what "Cheryl" is going to be dressed as, this Halloween, is a woman who likes to clean eggs and TP off her house.<br />
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But one of the best and most moving comments I read moved me so much I wanted to share it here - and am doing so, with the writer, <a href="http://tlhamrick.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">TL Hamrick's</a>, permission.<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><Rant on></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Whether this is a contrived stunt or not (I am seeing some chatter it may be on some discussion threads)... Sadly, there are mean spirited people everywhere that have no problem shaming a child, or ANYONE that has a weight higher</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> than they personally find acceptable.<br /><br />It is disgusting. If this caller exists, she is a bully. Seriously... if you are that concerned about health, give out healthy treats, or better yet, turn your light off and keep your miserable self in your home.<br /><br />Weight is merely a measure. It does not indicate worth. When folks 'fat shame' and hide behind 'health concerns' they are making a couple of ignorant assumptions about the person they are 'shaming'. They are assuming:<br /><br />1- That the person does not realize, every second, of every day, that their body falls outside what our media, our advertising, our clothing, makeup, and sporting industries tells us is 'the standard'. They are unable to notice in the mirror that they are overweight. Obviously they have never attempted to maneuver through/sit in an amusement ride, an airplane seat, a movie theater seat, a booth at a restaurant, a chair in a waiting room with arms. They do not realize from their peers, attempting to date, going to the doctor, and fat shame random asshats like this that they are heavy. THANK YOU CAPTAIN OBVIOUS! Or is it Captain Ahole?<br /><br />2-That they are inherently ________. Fill in the blank. Lazy. Undisciplined. Gluttonous. Selfish. Many will make statements to the order of:<br />"Just eat less and move more... it is not hard."<br />"He/she is more likely to have [insert health condition or conditions HERE]..." and they will either offer pithy statements of concern, or outright disgust that 'they' should not have to 'pay' higher insurance rates, etc."<br />"Just try to [insert obvious strategy here, that if I Google right now I can find 120 strategies that differ or conflict- and I guarantee that many folks who struggle with their weight have tried them ALL].<br />Or my personal favorite that I hear quite often...<br />"I used to be heavy... and I did [insert the strategy used that worked in your case]."<br /><br />Each person's journey in this life is not the same. Even family members who live in the same house. Each person's relationship with their body is not the same. Reputable studies show that shaming and similar tactics are NOT successful long-term, and often result in additional challenges. The two assumptions above trumpet two basic arrogant errors. One is the person is oblivious despite being bombarded every second of every day from every direction with messages of what is 'socially acceptable.' The second is the person is too lazy, unmotivated, stupid... to do anything about it.<br /><br />Losing weight, if that is the person's choice, is not an easy, linear journey. Many folks struggle with the side effect of medications (antidepressants, steroids, etc.) that make weight loss so difficult. Or health problems that are real, and are not excuses. PCOS, Lupus, Renal failure, Organ Transplant, Fibro, MS... I could go on for days. To look at the person, they look 'fine'. Again, check your assumptions!<br /><br />I love the young woman who writes the '<a href="http://adultingblog.com/" target="_blank">Adulting</a>' blog. She quoted a friend that stated "If you cannot touch it, you should not comment on it." This friend was referencing body shaming and objectification.<br /><br />As a person who was painfully thin until my early twenties, and struggled (and still struggle) with weight, especially at about age 30, when my PCOS went into full swing. I spent a good part of my 30's overweight or obese, lost weight, kept it off for about 2 years, received a treatment/implant that caused my diet/exercise to fail and gained it all back, plus... and lost it again. Now I am on the too skinny side due to a serious health issue that I am recovering from, and will I ever be morbidly obese again?<br /><br />I hope not. But... if I am, I will continue my striving for health at any weight, and the body comments? Do. Not. Want.<br /><br />These are my feelings as a 44 year old woman who is pretty damn self confident. I cannot imagine being under the age of whatever age children and teens are when they trick or treat, and having an adult pull a cruel, asinine trick like that. A cruel act that would ruin not only that night, but possibly trick or treat forever.<br /><br />And to those that read the last paragraph and thought, "Good!"<br /><br />Your lack of compassion, and your self-righteous self-deigning as the food police makes you at your core, an ugly human being.<br /><br /><Rant off></span><br />
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Thanks, TL, for a thoughtful, well-reasoned, and passionate response to all that fat-shaming ugliness. I encourage everyone to go <a href="http://tlhamrick.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">check out her blog, here</a>.<br />
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Some people don't like Halloween, for whatever reasons. Don't want to deal with it? Fine, turn off your damn porchlight and go do whatever.<br />
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But please, whatever you decide to do, <b>think </b>before fat-shaming, <i>especially </i>before fat-shaming children. Nobody can ever know the full story of <i>anybody's</i> life just by looking at them.<br />
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<i>Your thoughts?</i></div>
<br />Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-994314091836910343.post-23865075611560741122013-10-28T05:00:00.000-07:002013-10-28T05:00:03.319-07:00Ghosts & Monsters & Witches, Oh My! #bookreviewsWho doesn't love being scared half to death for Halloween?<br />
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Actually, <i>I </i>don't. <b>Bag full of candy?</b> Sign me up. <b>Dress like a slutty [nurse, teacher, librarian, Cinderella]?</b> Already there.<br />
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<b>Line up to watch Halloween or Friday the 13th, Part One Billion?</b><br />
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Oh, <i>hell </i>no! I'm a total Hallo-weenie.<br />
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I'm <strike>terrified</strike> not real big on spiders or bats, either, though I have to admit, some of the latter can be awfully cute.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">via <a href="http://trunkinthetrunk.com/funniest-daily-memes-0331/" target="_blank">trunkinthetrunk</a></td></tr>
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However, I have discovered that at this time of year I do enjoy <i>reading </i>a good story that includes classic Halloween elements: ghosts, monsters, and witches.<br />
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<b>I even wrote a super-short ghost story myself.</b> Follow this link to read <a href="http://writinginflow.blogspot.com/2013/10/the-haunting-of-julia.html" target="_blank"><i>The Haunting of Julia</i></a>.<br />
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Here's some of my recommendations. Links are to my reviews on Goodreads.<br />
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Ghost Stories</h3>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLHA2asAUvCDB53rp_Q0HWT-tEfX2N5lTrPlvKZBRqGIaEvb9nX2AcuZXo8un2aVPmkXqzN997KKqrbNQB8mc-uUHZRC9Dz0T3YHhXqehnLlj5M8mciBAMZX27WqF-6Vk92Ca4fUYiiRjA/s1600/ghost.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLHA2asAUvCDB53rp_Q0HWT-tEfX2N5lTrPlvKZBRqGIaEvb9nX2AcuZXo8un2aVPmkXqzN997KKqrbNQB8mc-uUHZRC9Dz0T3YHhXqehnLlj5M8mciBAMZX27WqF-6Vk92Ca4fUYiiRjA/s320/ghost.jpg" width="212" /></a></div>
<b><i><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/692213448" target="_blank">Ghostwriter</a></i></b>, a sexy romance set on a small island off the North Carolina coast. It's a blend of historical (WWI) and contemporary, sent chills down my spine, and ends with a very different Happily Ever After. Setting: Small island off the North Carolina.<br />
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<b><i><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/363563286" target="_blank">The Lantern</a></i></b>, a modern Gothic romance set in a crumbling house near the lavender fields of Provence, France, with flashbacks to the 1940's. It's a very sensual callback to Daphne DuMaurier's classic <i>Rebecca</i>.<br />
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<b><i><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/705522890" target="_blank">Dream Lake</a></i></b>, a contemporary romance set in a small town (Friday Harbor) on the shores of a lake. This is a very unusual ghost story in that the ghost starts out being attached to a place, and somehow gets attached to a person. Also, the ghost has been ghosting around so long he's forgotten who he is or why he's still in the land of the living.<br />
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<b><i><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/179700329" target="_blank">Green Darkness</a></i></b>, set in 1968 and Tudor England - the time of Protestant Edward VI, Queen Jane Grey (the Nine Days Queen), Catholic Mary I (Bloody Mary), when you could be executed for adhering to Catholicism one day, and Protestantism the next. From our end of history, that period of time appears compressed into a historical footnote, but for the people living then, as in Nazi Germany, it meant daily uncertainty and terror. You never knew when they were coming for you and your family, and as in George Orwell's <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/177175988" target="_blank">1984</a>, what "the right belief" was, kept shifting.<br />
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American Celia Taylor and Sir Richard Marsdon fell in love-at-first-sight on board the Queen Mary, but something's gone very wrong in their new marriage. They seem to be haunted and cursed by echoes of their previous selves: a half-noble, half-bastard servant girl, and a monk sworn to chastity, whose forbidden romance met with a violent end. To not only save her marriage, but her life, Celia must relive the past for herself and Richard or is it Stephen? There is such richness and an almost tangible quality to the scenes set in the sixteenth century, that I keep going back to this book every few years just to breathe it in.<br />
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<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/740655269" target="_blank"><i><b>Ghost Stories and How To Write Them</b></i></a> is a short Kindle-only combo of both short ghost stories, and tips by the author who <i>sold </i>them. (Because if you write, wouldn't it be nice to sell your work, for money?) Being me, of course, I wrote my own ghost story(ies) first, and decided to learn the craft. afterward.<br />
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Monsters</h3>
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I've always been more of a Munsters fan than a monsters fan. Did anyone else ever get the brilliant idea to "dust" the living room like Lily Munster, using talcum powder and a big puffy?<br />
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My mother was not amused.<br />
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<b><i><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/354744782" target="_blank">Septic Zombie</a></i></b>, is an adorably cute children's book written by an adorably cute then-seven year old.<br />
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<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/177175370" target="_blank"><i><b>Frankenstein</b></i></a>, of which I've watched about a dozen different movie and TV versions, but the book? It's really worth reading to discover what was original, what was vastly changed in the various versions, and if you're a writer, the structure of how it was written is quite interesting. It would be significantly edited, and very differently, today.<br />
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And imagine, if there had been no Frankenstein, there would have been no Young Frankenstein. No Frank-N-Furter? No picnic? No Time Warp?<br />
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I'm afraid so, Janet.<br />
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I realize there are other monsters. Vampires, mummies, swamp things, werewolves, etc., but they mostly get their own category.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg3axFujjJ972d5MT8BdunwIeL66k31UBXYBo0CzOLKXgtdp_L0FjLdgqCxfqjJ7oZAbwIYH_wU1DuUTpO_RFne4ehqXeJpIEdrbwpa-ZrTiY5TnqrjQnEqPgHP4zb1z8jedlPl0iuyiMW/s1600/red.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg3axFujjJ972d5MT8BdunwIeL66k31UBXYBo0CzOLKXgtdp_L0FjLdgqCxfqjJ7oZAbwIYH_wU1DuUTpO_RFne4ehqXeJpIEdrbwpa-ZrTiY5TnqrjQnEqPgHP4zb1z8jedlPl0iuyiMW/s320/red.jpg" width="206" /></a></div>
<b>Vamp It Up</b><br />
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I've read vampires who are lesbian sorority sisters (<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/316452872" target="_blank">Better Off Red</a>), vampires who are rednecks (<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/623667775" target="_blank">Rednecks 'n' Roses</a>), vampires who run BDSM sex clubs (<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/222878345" target="_blank">The Seeking Kiss</a>), and of course, the original vampire (<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/179693948" target="_blank">Dracula</a>).<br />
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<br />
<b>Here, Wolfie Wolfie</b><br />
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I've read werewolves who are sexy business execs (<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/623666385" target="_blank">Perfumed Heat</a>), Navy SEALs (<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/630457696" target="_blank">A SEAL in Wolf's Clothing</a>), Cinderella (<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/692095926" target="_blank">A Bite's Tale</a>), and one Jersey Girl werewolf in group therapy for her hoarding (<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/434279195" target="_blank">Coveted</a>).<br />
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Do you have a favorite type of monster story?<br />
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<h3>
Which Witch?</h3>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWsSlctzHL2iquEmW37TSTndY_PrbX5lB2Z0UIgvqvPbjt1rObE-b9sqBG1fq3s0PI5T7Y38jJ-brhR-cCLt9j1wlX2MZduJHUT688qq8VSkM2_GbzZW5RPI1NdGQLuWcWwx6SPnayYYow/s1600/born.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWsSlctzHL2iquEmW37TSTndY_PrbX5lB2Z0UIgvqvPbjt1rObE-b9sqBG1fq3s0PI5T7Y38jJ-brhR-cCLt9j1wlX2MZduJHUT688qq8VSkM2_GbzZW5RPI1NdGQLuWcWwx6SPnayYYow/s1600/born.jpg" /></a></div>
<b><i><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/728596961" target="_blank">The Witch of Blackbird Pond</a></i></b> - this MG/YA book was the first book I remember reading about "witches," though it's actually more about prejudice and small-mindedness, with some coming-of-age and romance thrown in. Setting: 1680's Connecticut colony.<br />
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<i style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/238200681" target="_blank">Born Wicked</a> </i>- in this alternative history YA, 16 year-old Cate Cahill is the eldest of three sisters, all powerful witches, in late 1800's America. Since their mother died, Cate has been doing her best to raise her sisters and protect them, but they have other ideas. Witchcraft had been real and celebrated, until a group called The Brotherhood came to power, and since then it's been something that could get a girl killed - or locked in the insane asylum. Girls are expected to marry at 17, or declare an avocation for the Sisterhood, which appears to be something like a convent... or is it?<br />
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<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/523513782" target="_blank"><b><i>Witches of East End</i></b></a> - Freya's a bartender who decides to mix in some actual love potions with her specialty drinks; sister Ingrid's a librarian with the gift of healing infertility and creating charms for fidelity. While those two gifts might slip under the radar, their mother Joanna can raise the dead - and <i>none </i>of them are supposed to be using their powers. Add in an environmental disaster, a murderer or two running around the small community, and suddenly it looks like Salem all over again. Setting: modern day hidden town on Long Island, New York.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaiIDThkcpe2KvcXb0aew17G_uxIZLKDHoC8MwW7R5VMSup9pUSbLL1HbjS0E-YYDaU1cO_fnDdOVvh0VdUryFbqiP0wena9f9PCTs_aXR0Va9yZUX5yC7CYk2eyEUhY2DyaynEml30OrF/s1600/witchhill.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaiIDThkcpe2KvcXb0aew17G_uxIZLKDHoC8MwW7R5VMSup9pUSbLL1HbjS0E-YYDaU1cO_fnDdOVvh0VdUryFbqiP0wena9f9PCTs_aXR0Va9yZUX5yC7CYk2eyEUhY2DyaynEml30OrF/s320/witchhill.jpg" width="197" /></a></div>
<b><i><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/729346902" target="_blank">Witch Hill</a></i></b> - most people are familiar with Marion Zimmer Bradley's <i><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/558336318" target="_blank">The Mists of Avalon</a></i>, or her Darkover sci-fi series. Many would say that this book tiptoes across the line from paranormal romance to straight erotica.<br />
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I wouldn't say that. I would say that <b><i><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/729346902" target="_blank">Witch Hill</a></i></b> straddles the line with her legs spread gleefully wide. Since I enjoy erotica, not a problem for me. While it's copyrighted 1990, it was clearly written much earlier - the time clues (no cellphones, beepers, or computers, the love interest drives a VW bug) place it in the 1970's, a time of free love and much drug experimentation. A line frequently repeated is, "<i>All witches are promiscuous</i>," and the latest incarnation in a long line of witchy Sara Latimers is not going to be disproving that anywhere in these pages.<br />
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If you like reading about creepy, faux-witchy rituals, drugs, sex, and orgies that include all three, you may enjoy this book. Setting: 1970's back-country New England., in a neighborhood first created by <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H._P._Lovecraft" target="_blank">H.P. Lovecraft</a>.<br />
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<i>Have you read any of the above books?</i></div>
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<i>Do you have a favorite Halloween-y read or movie?</i></div>
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<i>A favorite paranormal being?</i></div>
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Beverly Diehlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00392288953821757887noreply@blogger.com1