Wednesday, November 16, 2011

I Could Care Less and Other Things That Literally Bug Me

I realize there are a lot of important things going on in the world, about which we all should care.  Sadly, one of the things about which I could care less (but don't), is the way people say "I could care less" when they mean "I couldn't care less."

Here's how it works, folks.

Graphic Stolen Borrowed from Fighting Darwin
So if I say I could care less about some attention whore's marriage that publicly dissolved after 72 days (I refuse to let certain names cross my keyboard, y'all know to whom I refer), that means, if I were to make a prioritized list of all the things about which I care , that would not be on the absolute bottom.

Which is actually, probably, true.

My List of Things About Which I Care

1. The Health and Well-being of My Offspring
2. World Peace
3. Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness
9. Reading Excellent Books
10. Writing Excellent Books
11.  Chocolate

99,972.  Whether or not the Post Office Delivers on Saturdays
99,973.  The Reproductive Cycle of Earthworms
99,974.  The Marriage and/or Divorce of a Reality TV "Star"

I take back what I said above.  Actually, I can not think of anything about which I care less.  The marriage and/or divorce of a reality TV personality would be on the bottom of my list.

How about I put it this way: every time "I could care less" is used incorrectly, an attention whore gets a reality TV show.


*small voice* Thank you for learning to use this correctly.

Here's a bonus vocab tip - Literally does not mean the same thing as Figuratively or Symbolically.

Literally Borrowed from The Oatmeal.  Whose Book You should Literally Buy
So far, no gayroller casualties have been reported, as a consequences of gay marriage becoming legalized in several of the United States.  There's been no correlated change in the marriage or divorce rate of heterosexuals in such states, as a result of the proximity of "gay" marriage.  No straight couples have reported feeling less married, since Adam & Steve tied the knot.

Yet while not all people can marry their life-partners, reality TV stars (and in some states, first cousins) can get married anytime they want. Could I care less?  On this subject, yes.  On my list, below world peace but way above the reproductive cycle of earthworms, is this crazy concept that every consenting adult should be allowed the opportunity to enter into a happy - or miserable - marriage.

If you couldn't care less about reality TV celebs and their faux marriages, please leave a comment.
Or simply if you could care less about this blog post.
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