Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Top Ten Lame Reasons You Broke It Off
Guest Post by Deanna Fry of MyOneWomanShow

Have you ever been at your wits end with a relationship and didn't know how to break it off? I've been there and I'm sure we all have.  You never want to break anyone's heart, no matter how much they suck.  So here are the excuses I've given my ex-boyfriends when I've wanted out of the relationship, but didn't know how to tell them.

There are good reasons to break up.

These are not them.

#10 It’s not you, it's me!
Translation: "Of course it’s you dumb ass! Why else would I be breaking it off?  You are getting on my damn nerves and I can't take it anymore.  You won't clean up after yourself, you don't take a bath every day and your nosey ass mama is always in our business."

#9 I need to focus on my career.
Translation: "At least a have a job you lazy bum! I know the economy is bad, but dag, you can't even go get a job at the mall or something? Plus your child support payments to your 4 kids with your 3 baby mamas are cutting into our finances and killing my Louis Vuitton fund."

#8  I am trying to get closer to Jesus!
Translation: "I know you won't be able to argue with me about my relationship with God.  So, just to avoid hearing your mouth about me leaving, I'm going to use the Lord and Savior as a way to make a gracious exit."

#7  I need to focus on my family, they really need me now.
Translation: "My family hates your guts! And my dad would write me out of the will if I married your loser ass!"

#6  We are moving in different directions.
Translation: "This relationship isn't going anywhere.  You won't ask me to marry you even though we've been dating for 10 years and I had your 3 kids.  Why in the hell are you still afraid of committing to me? It’s not like anyone else would put up with you!"

#5  You are too good for me.
Translation: "I'm the one that's too good for you.  I know I can do better.  I'm not sure what I was thinking when I got into the relationship in the first place. I guess you were just the rebound...the jump off!"

#4  I care about you too much to hold you back.
Translation: "I love me too much to keep dating you! You are totally on some other stuff I can't get with, so I'm just going to let you go, so you can fail on your own and not drag me down with you!"

#3  We have grown apart.
Translation: "I no longer find you attractive, but I can't say that because then I'll feel guilty. Oh, by the way, good riddance."

#2 We just aren't compatible.
Translation: "Sex with you is just horrible and I can't take faking another orgasm.  I've tried to give you hints but you won't listen. Even when I brought the vibrator to bed and excluded you from the still didn't get it!  Besides...I'm disgusted by the idea of you naked."

#1  My husband wouldn't approve of us dating.
Translation: "I want to get away from your crazy ass so badly I'm willing to lie about being married. Now that's a damn shame."


Guest blogger Deanna Fry is a TV news producer and magazine writer by day. At night, she is a single woman on the prowl for Mr. Right, using her good natured humor and stunning good looks to lure the perfect man (thus far she's been unsuccessful!) She's a fellow SheWriter and blogs at My One Woman Show (

[And... a little birdie told me it's her birthday today!  How cool is that, it's her birthday, and I get the present   Please join me below in thanking Deanna for a fabulous, funny post, and wish her a happy birthday already.  She writes damn well for someone who's clearly only 19, doesn't she?]
Enhanced by Zemanta