Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Dinosaur Erotica, Anyone? Funniest Search Phrases

I have no words.  Only fear.
So occasionally when I review my stats, I check to see how Google brought people to my site.

I kid you not, people apparently have searched for "dinosaur erotica."  Which brought them here.  [Hello, again!  You're back!  Kisses!]

I have mentioned dinosaurs, mostly in reference to my own less than impressive technological skills.  I've also blogged lots about erotica, because, right along with chocolate, great sex is one of my most best favoritest things in the whole world.

But together?  Really?  (Now contemplating what I could do with a title like "Velociraptor Rapture" or  "Paleozoic Pleasures.")   As a concession to my dinosaur erotica fans (you people are twisted, just sayin') I actually searched, myself, and came up with that nifty little photo from a museum in Spain.

FYI, international readers, a museum display like that would not fly in the U.S.  American mommies would be covering Johnnie's eyes in horror, and writing exclamation point! splattered! letters to their congressional representatives about the corruption! of innocent childrens [misspelling intentional]!  While urging their husbands in private to play "Hide the Dinosaur Bone."

Other traffic-bearing keywords that made little sense to me: "mind homer simpson," "no more pain lolcat," and "shamu watching."  Though at least I've mentioned, or used photos that included one of those terms.

I simply don't get the whole SEO game.  For all those claiming to be experts in Search Engine Optimization, a big part of me thinks it's all smoke and mirrors, and nobody really knows what drives searches.
Ensure Website Visibility With Search Engine O...Image by hongxing128 via Flickr
Is this even English?  What's a SERP?

Besides... I'm not sure I want a billion followers.  Don't get me wrong - if you follow me, I'm totally thrilled.  There are even bright shiny Follow buttons for that, right at the top of the page. *gestures like a flight attendant*  Along the side, too.

I'm nothing if not easy.

I want readers who love this blog, and recommend it to their friends. I would offer to bribe you to share with one of my tasty, home-cooked meals, but trust me, you don't want to go there.  *Gestures to bright shiny Sharing buttons conveniently located along the bottom of this post.  Then offers barf bag, like a good flight attendant.*

A self-portrait of the Bloggess, also known as...Image via WikipediaAnyway, my main goal isn't to be The Bloggess, though I totally adore her and her hilarious writing.  I even stalk follow her Pinterest board.

I like the idea of this blog staying small enough that I can interact with my readers, occasionally visit your blogs too, AND a) refrain from totally blowing my day job until b) I can write books that earn vast piles of enough money to allow me to write full time.

Do you understand SEO?  
Had some SEO threads that leave you shaking your head?

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