Ann's story is also a perfect example of how being a recipient of domestic violence does not necessarily ruin one's life. She has gone on to leave her abuser, have a successful career and fulfilling romantic relationship.
Guest post by Ann Odle.
I was never a big “dater” in high school or in college; so when I met my (now ex-) husband, to say I was “swept off my feet” is an understatement. He was the playboy of the office—divorced, older, fun-loving and energetic.
I was the newest hire when we first met; and we quickly ended up in the latest edition of the office gossip chats. Within a few weeks, we were “exclusive,” and he kept telling me he was falling in love. I couldn’t really say that I was falling in love with him; looking back on it now, after all these years, it still seems more like I just was along for the ride and didn’t know how to change things.
My first mistake was in missing the amount of alcohol we consumed (mostly him, but I drank too). I knew he drank; it usually made life easier when he did. He always said he was a mellow drunk. In fact, it wasn’t until I subconsciously knew there was a problem that I noticed that violence began to surface.
It started as a vicious temper, violent words and punching walls. It was so text-book too; the apologies, flowers and promises (which were promptly broken during the next outburst). And things went downhill even quicker, once I agreed to marry him.
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| via Daya Houston |
Then one night, we were at the county fair; it was a week night, both of us working the next day and I remember that I was just exhausted. We were listening to a country band, when he decided he wanted to dance; and kept insisting that we were going to dance.
As I said, I was tired and kept refusing. I remember raising a cup to drink out of it and then the cup exploded in my face. There was beer all over me and I watched in slow motion as he smacked me in the nose with the back of his hand; I could feel blood in the back of my throat and knew that my teeth were loosened by that blow.
The next thing I knew, I was being dragged by my hair--across the fairgrounds, through the exit and out to the car. To this day, I am still amazed that no one, no one, made any attempt to stop him, to help me, to do anything!
Once we got home, he promptly passed out on the floor; I remember grabbing a baseball bat and considering what kind of damage/retaliation I might inflict. But I did nothing, except keep that bat next to me in bed for the next few weeks.
I would like to tell you that I left that relationship right then and there; but I didn’t. It took several more months of fights before I finally found the strength. Even then, I couldn’t help feeling that I was the one who failed.
That is until one day I was visiting with friends who knew both my husband and I; and the woman turned to me and said, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but since you left XXXXXX, I like you so much better.”
“It’s not that I didn’t like you before; it just seemed like you were only a shadow of what you are now. You’re funnier, smarter and just plain nice to be around now.”
That’s when I realized that I had allowed myself to become “one of those women;” the ones who give up on themselves, in order to be with a man.
Today, I’m happy to say that I am my own person; I’m with someone who wants me to be me, not to be there for him. I hope someone reads this story and sees themself here; that they won’t be like me and turn away until it’s too late.
For years, I
refused to see myself as a victim of domestic violence—but that is exactly what
I was. Looking back and acknowledging
the situation I found myself in, has definitely changed my perspective.Ann Odle is a single,Southern California girl with absolutely no plans for moving out of state, but has big dreams for traveling all over the world. In the meantime, she works full-time, runs a home-based business on the side and updates her blog, Ann About Town, as often as she can.
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Domestic Violence Resources
USA:
National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) TTY- 1-800-787-3224
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (includes downloadable guides for helping women in abusive relationships)
RAINN - Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network 1.800.656.HOPE
National Alliance on Mental Illness, aka NAMI
Canada:
National Clearinghouse on Family Violence - you will need to opt for English or French
UK:
Women's Aid - 0808 2000 247
Australia & New Zealand:
Domestic Violence Information Manual - phone numbers vary by territory
For Male Victims:
Menweb
Why Men Stay in Abusive Relationships
Please join me in thanking Ann for sharing her story.
If you'd like to share your own story, there's still time.
Guest post ideas & info here.
If you'd like to share your own story, there's still time.
Guest post ideas & info here.
