Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Ask Sexpert Walker Thornton - Part 2

It starts with her beauty in my eyes, it moves...
It starts with her beauty in my eyes, it moves to her scent in my nose...(Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I needed to pump Walker's brain with just one more question... with variations. Click here to read Part 1.

My blog readers here are of all ages. What sexual advice would you offer your 25-year-old self - and her sisters?

At every age women need to take precautions against sexually transmitted infections—unless both parties have been tested and found free of any STIs. Don’t assume your partner will carry protection—take control of your own sexual choices and be safe.

I wish I had understood my own body and my sexual needs at age 25. Take the time to learn your body and how it responds to sexual pleasure. What feels good? What would you share with a partner about your sexual desires? You deserve to have great sex with a partner who respects you. I’d suggest you read DodsonandRoss.com—their site has wonderful videos and instructional information on self-pleasuring and the female anatomy.

I’d also tell 25-year olds, and women of all ages, to be selective in looking for sexual partners. Let your intuition guide you. Sex between two people should be about mutual pleasure. The man who rushes to ‘stick it in’ isn’t interested in satisfying you. Find someone else! You deserve it.

Allegheny College's Ford Memorial Chapel - ‘ed...
Allegheny College's Ford Memorial Chapel
(Photo credit: marsmet521)

All those changes in life, marital status, work, children, often result in a loss of self-identity. We become the mom, the wife, the volunteer, etc. Make time for yourself every now and then—sensuous indulgences are important as well as those quiet moments that help you relax. This is a great time to explore the shifts in your relationship and initiate conversation with your partner about your sexual needs. Strong communication helps build a strong sexual connection.


This may be a time for a reality check around your sex life. Are you in the pre-menopausal stage? Is it affecting your sex life? If so, address it now! Experiment to spark up a sex life that might feel a little stale. Sex goddesses come in all ages, sizes and stages of life. Think sexy and you’ll feel sexy. You are not old. You are midway through and in the prime of your life.


This is a time of transformation for many women. Fears about aging sometimes get in the way and keep us from having positive expectations. Sex can still be quite good.  (I’m a better lover than I was at any other time in my life) If you’re having issues related to menopause find a trusted friend or good doctor to talk to. Invest in a good organic lubricant and use it even if you don’t experience vaginal dryness…it enhances sexual pleasure. Work on staying sexually engaged, even when you don’t feel the urge—there are great health benefits associated with staying sexually active. If you’re single do not assume that sexually transmitted infections are for the young. STIs and HIV are rising in older populations. Buy some condoms and keep them handy.

65 & beyond? 

Sexual arousal is and always has been partly centered in the brain. If you’ve got the right mind set at 65 or 70, you can keep a healthy outlook on sex. Are there bodily changes to worry about?  You can find solutions for most concerns that arise with aging or post-menopausal issues. The ability to orgasm remains with us, it may change over time but we don’t lose our capacity for orgasm or sexual pleasure. We may simply redefine what gives us pleasure. Remember that men change as well. You can have great fun exploring the new things available to you and a partner. Age is not a barrier to sex.

Walker Thornton is a 59-year-old divorced woman on a mission to help women over 50 discover their sexuality. As a freelance writer and blogger, she specializes in women's issues. She writes a weekly sex expert column at Better After 50 (http://betterafter50.com/category/ba50-experts/walker-thornton/) and can be found at her blog,  Walker Thornton (www.walkerthornton.com) and at the Diva of Dating (http://thedivaofdating.com) You can also follow her on twitter (http://twitter.com/WalkerThornton).

Got questions?
Anything you wish someone had told you, at age XX?
(Hey, and if you find this post helpful, please share it.)
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