Denise (aka L'Aussie) & Francine, thank you so very much for starting this group, doing all the work to keep it going, and giving us such challenging prompts. This week, Challenge #13, is Voices! (and nothing else as a description.)
I used this prompt to do some work which will not be in the novel, but I need to figure out in order to wrap up this character's storyline. At the beginning of CLOSE KNIT, Cristina felt the romance and passion had faded in her marriage, that it had become a little too humdrum. Her efforts to spice things up have succeeded - so well that she is feeling guilty and conflicted. So, what would she do? This character would pray about it.
Word Count: 396
“Dios te salve, María. Llena eres de gracia,” Rosary in hand, Cristina then strayed from the usual prayer. “Madre, I need your help.”
She smelled roses, and felt a gentle, loving Presence surround her.
“Are you really... here? Or am I imagining you?”
:I am always with you, my precious daughter. Tell me what troubles you.:
“Mother, it’s mi esposo, Jimmy. Things have... changed between us.”
|Photo by author|
“Yes, and I wanted them to change,” she felt her face flush, thinking of the eager way Jimmy gazed at her now, even over the dinner table with the children. Like he wanted to have her, then and there. Reliving how the touch of his hand on hers set her whole body aflame. They sent each other texts all day, steamy promises fulfilled in the darkness of night. “But I am afraid, perhaps, that they have changed too much. That what we are doing is sinful. Displeasing to God.”
Cristina felt, more than heard, a ripple of laughter. :God made all the parts of your bodies, did He not? Why would He give you desire for your husband, and him for you, if He did not wish you to enjoy one another?:
A stern male voice joined the conversation, :Yes, but they are not bringing forth more children, are they?:
An exasperated sigh, :Enough with the multiply and fill the earth business. Haven’t you noticed, the earth is full?:
:Don’t you ‘yes but’ me. You know I’m right. Now go away and create a canyon or a volcano or something.:
:One thing first. Tell Cristina you do not disapprove of her love for her husband.:
Cristina felt dazed. Am I going loco, or am I truly hearing these voices?
:Cristina, my beloved child,: the male voice, sounding mature again, yet filled with kindness, rather than severity. :I am well pleased with your love for your husband. I created you to have such love. It is no sin.:
:Yes. Even that.:
Cristina felt another ripple of feminine laughter, a rush of wind like flames, and was left with a peaceful, lightened heart.
And the lingering fragrance of roses.
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Please feel free to offer any and all criticism. I'd like all my work to SELL, so if there's anything that took you out of the story, anything my male character said that you don't find believable coming from a guy, passive voice, present/past tense goofs, misplaced commas, repetitive vocabulary, or other flaws not listed here, please let me know.
P.S. Did you see we had a Fire Sale Blogfest? Take a peek at some amazingly interesting and creative stories and poems.
P.S.S. Coming on Monday - Interview with USA Today Best-selling author Maisey Yates!